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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't suppose you can leave an Abusive Relationship at the moment can you?

6 replies

Ltbltbltbltbokay · 20/03/2020 12:03

I went to Womans aid a few time in september- but it's a first come first serve service and I couldn't get there in time/ stay long enough without arrousing suspicion at home.
I also had to stick to the school run because I can't trust my young children not to out me.
So I gave up after a few weeks and have firmly burried my head in the sand since, waiting for the 'right time' to seek help again.

With this CV thing we have been self isolating since Monday. In 5 days arguments and broken things have upped by like a million percent. There is no respite, despite dp still going to work, his shifts have reduced so he has only had 2 days this week. The kids aren't at school and that means the house has been much messier/ louder than usual.

My friends child school is closed (most likely) until september. Our school is closed at least until after Easter.
I feel really trapped and like I should have just said 'fuck it' and taken the kids to womans aid at dawn every day until it closed.
It wasn't so bad before because he works six days but now I am scared. Not for my life or anything- he doesn't hit us. It' not all the time either. But it's getting more frequent with the stress from job security, money, future and health.
I am also pregnant so the stress of having a newborn in lockdown is terrifying.

I don't really know what to do or how to get out.
We live in a flat aswell, so it,s not even like we can go in the garden to get some fresh air when things are escalating.

Is anyone in a similar position? I didn't come here for any 'why did you have children with him?' Comments.
I didn't realise he was abusive because he never hit me and I grew up with stabbing with pens/forks / choking on the floor/ police asking us what we saw/ and even a premature birth because of a beating. So a man who didn't do any of those things was a step up for me. It's only since august I have realised and made plans to leave. Which was harder than it seemed so I quit for a while to hope it would all just go away build funds and make a detailed plan to avoid hostels and hotels.
I don't have any friends to go to and family would be worse for my children, if they even believed me or let me go there in the first place.

It all seems a bit more urgent now before Im locked in with him for weeks.

OP posts:
ilovedjerrymore · 20/03/2020 12:08

can you contact woman’s aid online through their chat system? See if they can offer any help without having to drag kids out?

Do you rent or own your flat...is there a way you could get him out of the flat for good?

Big hugs Flowers

user1473878824 · 20/03/2020 12:25

OP I am so sorry. I don’t have advice but I just wanted to give you an unMumsnetty hug.

Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 12:27

Go to your family house

EdinaMonsoon · 20/03/2020 12:54

You need to make a move now. Don't wait for this current storm to pass. Nobody knows for sure how long we are going to be under social distancing/self isolation restrictions. The tension in your home is already unbearable enough for you to consider leaving. That will only increase as time goes on, particularly if the country goes in to full lockdown.

My heart goes out to you OP. I understand that level of processing where you feel your current partner isn't "so bad" because you're comparing with other abusive experiences. However, his behaviour is neither acceptable nor normal. You already realise that. Please, for the sake of you & your children, get out now.

MushroomTree · 20/03/2020 13:08

I work for a DV charity. We're still very much operating and taking referrals and moving women and children into refuge. If you need to go, go now.

MushroomTree · 20/03/2020 13:11

@Ltbltbltbltbokay on the off chance you're in Hampshire, please call 0300 016 5112. Take care Flowers

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