Me and DH have been together 5.5 years, married for nearly 4. We have two young DC and I have one older (primary aged) DC from a previous relationship.
My oldest DCs dad was abusive. We communicated mostly by email since our separation. However, around Christmas we were at a school event and managed to have an amicable conversation. My oldest was there and commented that it was nice that we'd talked like friends, and I felt very guilty. My own parents divorce was less than amicable and I sometimes bore the brunt of that.
So I decided I would try to update the way we coparent. I discussed this with DH and had a meeting with ex to sort this. We have both moved on, and were able to speak maturely about our DC. I am confident we can coparent more amicably (whilst I always maintain a healthy boundary, remembering he has a dark side and what I went through.)
Since then, we've largely kept to text message/email as before, but occasionally if there is a lot to discuss we can speak on the phone. All fine.
However, I have noticed an increasing dissatisfaction of this from my DH.
A couple of days ago, I spoke to ex on the phone about sorting his contact arrangements due to changes with Coronavirus. Again all was fine and got sorted quickly and easily.
Last night me and DH fell out. He had asked about the phone call (he was aware it was going to happen) and again got stroppy about it. When pushed, he announced that he thinks I "still have feelings" for my ex. Out of fucking nowhere.
I have always been trustworthy, loyal and loving, even through some very difficult times when he hasn't treated me brilliantly.
I have been totally transparent about this. I have said when I'll need to speak to ex, what about etc. whether it's by phone or text. Ex and I have spoken on the phone less that a handful of times. It then transpires that DH has checked my phone for a previous phone conversation and was angry that we'd spoken for 20mins. We had to discuss DC going on holiday, some changing around of contact, and school progress.
DH and I have barely spoken since, despite all of the stressful things happening recently. Tonight he came upstairs to show me some work he's been doing. I tried to talk to him about my worries around home educating my oldest and managing my younger two. He immediately starts barking questions about whether I've spoken to ex in light of announced school closures. I calmly said I'd like to finish what I was saying first, he refused and said that my oldests schooling is "nothing to do with him and I need to speak to their father about it." My DH has been in my oldests life since they were three, and has always been a welcome big part. I have never excluded him from anything.
I tried one more time to state that I have no feelings for my ex (if I'm honest the suggestion is insulting given what I went through, DH knows this.)
I said that I was not going to be controlled by anyone around who I speak to, that this arrangement is better for my oldest and that my/our children will always come first. I also said it was crazy to be throwing a marriage away over some ridiculous jealousy.
He maturely (!) replied that losing the marriage wasn't that tragic anyway.
I'm so angry. Am I in the wrong here?