A few facts before I get into the scenario -
I have a nearly 2 year old and a 3.5 year old, who nursery have confirmed are able to continue attending after they close to most children on Friday.
My ex lives with his parents, one of whom has severe shortness of breath at the moment related to previous heart issues.
Ex comes to the house in the evenings to see the children and put the eldest to bed, on Sunday he takes them to his parents for the morning and then back for the afternoon after they return home for naptime (his choice, I would be thrilled if they napped where he is).
The issue -
I feel that as nursery are to accomodate my children, it is best to keep to their routine as much as possible, so they can retain a sense of normality. I struggle to entertain them for an entire day in the house without one of them having a meltdown as they want to be out and about. I would also struggle with my mental health without working as a break from them (4 hours a day) as they are extremely inquisitive and active toddlers.
Ex wants me to keep them off of nursery and completely isolate myself with them so that he can continue to come over in the evenings, see the children and then take them to his parents on Sunday.
Am I being unreasonable to want to continue with their routine as much as possible? I assume the nursery will still shut at some point anyway so we would be isolated then. It is partly selfish that I want a short break from them while I go to work, but my mental health has taken a hammering since the end of 2017 and has only begun to improve since ex moved out in January. I'm finally off of the antidepressants and feeling less tense.
Ex says that I am not considering the mental health of his parents, only my own, that I am being selfish and refusing to safeguard the health of his unwell parent. I suggested he get his own place so that he wouldn't be in contact with his parents and could see the children but has has refused. He is suggesting moving back in but I feel that would be unbearable.
He has pointed out that he pays above CMS, he babysits 1-2 evenings a week so that I can go out and he has bought a lot of outdoor things that I suggested for the children to entertain them for when lock down occurs.
Am I being selfish? Should I take them out of nursery and work during their naps and in the evenings so that they can maintain relationships with their grandparents and see their dad at bedtimes? I'd facilitate as many daily video calls as they wanted, though I know it isn't the same.
I honestly don't know the answer, it's a really difficult situation that I don't think has any way for a compromise.