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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum us being irresponsible?

23 replies

Irishgene · 19/03/2020 08:02

My mum is 70 and is generally fit and well, however, she's had a cough since January and was given antibiotics 2 weeks ago for 5 days. They didn't work so she's been back to the GP who is going to run a few tests before giving her any more antibiotics, this is to make sure they hopefully work this time. She doesn't have Covid-19, it's been confirmed as a chest infection.

My gripe is that she's carrying on as normal and going out and about to shops etc when it's been highly recommended that she stay at home (with the exception of walks etc) as the chest infection puts her in a higher risk category, alongside her age.

I'm having to stay at home as I'm currently in one of the higher risk groups listed on Monday. I live 90 mins away from her but my brother lives 10 mins from her but she's just not taking it seriously and I'm worried.

I've spoken to her but she just brushed it off and said she can't stay in.

OP posts:
StrongMama1989 · 19/03/2020 08:04

Yeah she’s a twat

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/03/2020 09:36

Massively irresponsible. My mum who is only 66 but gets very out of breath due to life long smoking has decided to isolate herself and she is usually a massive risk taker by nature. I feel for older people who have to go through this but there's a lot of people out there that are just too stupid to live and you have to try twice as hard to protect you and yours from them.

Quarantino · 19/03/2020 09:42

Depending where she is, she might kill or make severely poorly my friend who's got chronic health conditions.
Or my friend who's getting over cancer.
Or my grandmother.
Everyone who's out and mixing with other people when they can avoid it adds to the risk of death for others.

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2020 09:46

Hugely irresponsible.

But then again one of our family friends is complaining that their social groups have been cancelled til further notice. Apparently the world has gone mad over a few colds and what happened to keep calm and carry on.

BeautifulBirds · 19/03/2020 09:48

My grandad, in his 90s, is still carrying on as before. And my other grandparents, one with COPD, is the same.

Survived the war, so don't see the issue. Makes me mad!

Sn0tnose · 19/03/2020 09:56

I think that the only option is to frighten the life out of her with news reports of people dying, being refused medical treatment because doctors have to choose who to treat and pensioners aren’t going to be top of the list. Tell her she won’t die comfortably, while being ventilated, because there isn’t enough medical equipment to go around. The BBC have said that 1 in 3 will need hospital treatment. There are 3700 critical care beds and 8 out of ten of these are already occupied. Where is that going to leave her? Dying alone because you and your brother can’t risk infecting yourselves and your families.

Sounds harsh but it might be what’s needed.

billy1966 · 19/03/2020 09:56

Your mother is a real twat and is hugely putting herself at risk.

Tell her you will be unable to assist her when she comes down with it....she'll have to hope for the best.

My son's friend is just over pneumonia a couple of weeks...a fine strapping, super athlete.......he is completely self isolating as he has been told he is vulnerable having been ill recently......

Keep yourself safe OP....people will have to make difficult decisions during this time......those who refuse to be responsible...cannot expect others to subsequently place their life at risk.

redwoodmazza · 19/03/2020 09:59

Stay In - Stay Alive.

Simple really.

Sceptre86 · 19/03/2020 10:06

She could die but if she isn't bothered I am not sure what you can do. Having a recurring chest infection put her at higher risk. You aren't responsible for her decisions, you have tried.

katscamel · 19/03/2020 11:21

My mum who is 70+ and pretty healthy is still going out for both her mental and physical health. Obviously she's being as sensible as she can be but in her view, she could get run over by a bus tomorrow.
I really can't blame them, I've been in semi isolation for a week now having come to Algeria from UK via Barcelona and I'm going mad already.

poppymatilda · 19/03/2020 11:29

My mum is 70 and it's a real struggle to get her to follow the advice. I give up really. She's an adult and she just has to make her own decisions

LaurieMarlow · 19/03/2020 11:36

Checking on the daily totals of deaths in Italy is as sobering an activity as I’ve ever experienced.

heath48 · 19/03/2020 11:48

I am 72,been self isolating since last week,I am fit with no health issues.

It has astounded me how many of my friends are carrying on as normal.Going for meals etc.etc.

It is one thing not caring about yourself,but they appear oblivious that they risk passing it on to others if they succumb.

Whatevah · 19/03/2020 11:54

My parents are very elderly. Although they cannot do all their usual clubs/hobbies etc (they are very active), they are still going to mass-they all sit very far away from each other. They go to the shops when needed-wash their hands, don't touch their faces etc.
Mum says she is getting her hair done this weekend-if the hair dressers is open and happy to have her.
She knows the risks to herself and Dad. They don't go 'near' any other elderly or high risk people intentionally. They stay in doors most days except to walk the dog.
The only person she will probably hurt is herself and my dad.
And me as my heart would break, but what can you do? If it becomes a 'lock down' situation they would conform, but its only advice, so they do it their way.

Kordelia · 19/03/2020 12:08

She's being foolish and selfish.

One of my friends has this cough too, and he and his wife are staying in with no visitors.

I'm seventy, very fit, healthy and active and I'm only going out to walk the dog and when I do I give everyone a very wide berth.

We're not all selfish and stupid.

annamie · 19/03/2020 12:12

it's been highly recommended that she stay at home (with the exception of walks etc) as the chest infection puts her in a higher risk category, alongside her age.

So she’s been told to stay hoke to avoid risk to herself or to others? If it’s the former, and she doesn’t have Coronavirus then she’s not doing anything nasty, just putting herself at risk.

It’s all very well griping about this whilst being 90 minutes away but are you and your brother offering her any practical support or just griping at her?

flirtygirl · 19/03/2020 12:38

It's worrying when it's your parent or relative but as long as they are not spreading any illness then going out is their choice.

Some people have taken the rational view that the impact of self isolating is worse than dying. So they are social distancing to some degrees but they are still go out and about.

They are old enough to make that choice for themselves.

As long as they are not ill and spreading illness.

sunstreaming · 19/03/2020 14:01

If people think that because they're not ill they can mix socially they are wrong because they could then pick up the infection and spread it. It's validation of this point that London is the most affected place in the UK at the moment: the most dense population and more people necessarily, never mind voluntarily mixing with others.

Quarantino · 19/03/2020 14:05

As long as they are not ill and spreading illness

Literally no-one knows whether or not they are ill or not, if they don't have any symptoms. That is the entire point of social distancing. That's what all this is about. If everyone knew whether or not they had the virus, those people would isolate and everyone else could carry on pretty much as usual.

Mummymummymummmeeeee · 19/03/2020 14:11

Maybe it would help to make her aware that the death rate is 10% for 70 to 80 year olds, and that the death rate will get much higher for that age group when we run out of ITU beds first, and then hospital beds next. So that she understands exactly how much risk she is taking for herself. Also it's not just about the risk to herself, if older people put themselves at risk they are also going to contribute to overwhelming the system, younger people in their 50s and 60s or even younger will die during the peak because of lack of resources - she needs to think about her children and grandchildren and society in general and not just herself. I think some older people carrying on regardless may not realise that the advice is not just to protect them personally but to protect everybody

missperegrinespeculiar · 19/03/2020 22:34

Yes to PPs saying you just DON'T KNOW if you have he disease, has anybody seen Adris Elba's video where he explains he has the virus and was asymptomatic? many people are just like that!

As for staying away from vulnerable people, how would you know who's vulnerable just by looking at them? it's not just the old!

Stay home for goodness' sake!

BillysMyBunny · 20/03/2020 16:03

Walked past my local hairdressers on my way to the shop today and it was full of pensioners having their hair done. Also at lunchtime both independent cafes in town were busy with people seated, largely pensioners and mums with babies and toddlers. It doesn’t seem like anybody is taking self-isolating seriously around here yet.

Bagelsandbrie · 20/03/2020 16:07

She’s a twat and she’s not only putting herself at risk but also people like me who have chronic health conditions at risk if she ends up in hospital on a ventilator. Makes me so angry.

I live in a Norfolk village with a huge elderly population and they are all just carrying on as normal...!!

This was posted in one of the health forums I’m in and I think every one should read it. It’s so clear.

To think my mum us being irresponsible?
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