To expect to see my niece after travelling 200mles, and for her mother not to take a 'day off' sending her to her other, local, auties?

[fairysnuff]

My SIL knew we were to arrive last Tuesday. 9 weeks in advance. When we got there we were told that my niece was at her other aunties for the morning. That was ok cos then we would see her in the afternoon.
But then we were told that the other aunty was not going to let her go and that my BIL would come round that evening to see his niece, my DD, that night.
He did not get away from his house until my DD was in the bath and then came into the room whilst I was getting her ready for bed, hoping to get smiles?
This was because he could not possibly come sooner because he had to put his DD to bed (where was SIL for this? She could surely have managed on her own for one night so that he could get to see us sooner?) That bit isn't really my beef though, although it all seems strange too!

What has me really urked is that when we got back from our hols (the reason we were south) we called BIL to say we were back and he asked if we were coming round before we went back to PIL. (Why could they not have come to PIL and let us get home after our long flight? anyway.....)
Anyway, all went well, it was fab to see my niece. even if only for an hour
As we were leaving SIL says she was so glad we had come, she thought she was not going to get to see us this trip. I said, 'oh, but you could have seen us on the tuesday before we left?' She answered, 'oh, that was my day off.'
Day off? Who gets a day off from you LO's? A Day off to do what exactly?? (I am not being deliberately mean, but I don't think she actually does anything with her days off. She admits to finding motherhood hard and takes these days off to simply get away from it all)
We thought the aunty had kept her but it turns out it was SIL choice not to see us because she had chosen to take a 'day off' the very day her DD could have spent time with my DD! Or even I could have seen my niece. They are only 1 and nearly 2 so I admit them seeing one another isn't really a great deal. But I have only met my niece 4 times in nearly 2 years and when I get the chance to travel south, I would expect my SIL to make efforts to see us, surely?

Oh, have received an email from SIL she says BIL told her that we would be out that day.
Okay, hands up.
IABU
Though he did tell her this early afternoon??
Efforts could still have been made, I think?

If only she was approachable, I could have communicated better with her. Well, we will just have to do better next time, All of us.

I have a Sister who is a bit like this. I flew up to Newcastle to see her and DS, ( I am only there from Sunday evening until Wednesday) She puts him in Nursery on the Monday (her day off)and spends most of the morning talking to a double glazing man about a conservatory, On the Tuesday she goes to work and puts him again in Nursery, even thou I had suggested I could have him. Her comment was "why do you want to look after him?" ERRR Hes my nephew and its the first time I have met him!!!!! and he was only 4 mths old....

I felt that as I'm in the South she could have made more of an effort, I have to say I havent been back up there!

This is the kind of thing that SIL does as well. I did not get to hold my niece until she was 4 months old and this was only as an afterthought just as we were leaving. Understandably my niece was not happy with being thrust upon me and I had to swiftly hand her back

The only way we will get to see her next time is if we ambush SIL, in the morning (She doesn't do afternoons)

Her thining was the same, why woudl you want to hold her??
Cos she is my niece.
roll of eyes!

I guess, I think if someone has gone all that way to see to me, then at the very least I can be hospitable and polite to them.

Oh well if we all were the same then life would be a very boring place!!!!

I disagree with what others have said so far. I can understand why you feel annoyed, but to be honest I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. We have to travel 350 miles to see our families and I wouldn't expect them to be around, or to stop whatever they are doing just to fit us in - they do have lives to lead. If you've only seen your niece four times in nearly two years, then without meaning to sound bad - you are virtual strangers to her.
My niece comes here to stay every year for the easter hols. We email every couple of days and chat on MSN or on the phone every week. She's only 10 now, but we did have a close relationship before we moved two years ago.
I think people are a bit precious to expect people to change their habits to fit occasional visitors in. One way around this might be to make specific plans and involve whoever you want to see. People are much happier if they are doing something specific rather than just calling round (regardless of how far you have to travel). We have other neices, nephews and relatives that we like to see, we can't possible fit them all in in on trip, so we make specific arrangements i.e movies and a meal, BBQ's, etc.

Yes, It was me that wanted to see my niece, not the other way around.
And I did post that I thought I was being unreasonable.
You are right, we are virtual strangers to her. Howis that.

There is no way that SIl woudl let her DD stay with us for any length of time. For goodness sake, she won't even leave her with her Granparents, on DH side, on her side? No problem??
Another story

Ach, as I say it was communication problems, BIL thought we were going into town, we weren't,but SIL wanted the day off so sent her DD to her other aunties.
Next time we will do better and, as you say, make actual arrangements for time to be spent with her.

Try to build a relationship with your neice - did you say how old she was? My neice loves to receive emails, postcards, etc. Last week I sent her a little heart shaped pebble that I found on the local beach. Silly things like that - she'll soon come to know you better.

She is only 2(nearly), but that is a good idea for the future, thanks

I'm sure this isnt the case here but my PILs complain about not holding my LO but wont hold him if he is crying or there is the remote possibility he will be sick... and 'dont do nappies'. They have once offered to look after him but i would be very worried how they would cope if they dont do nappies, sick or crying!!
They did have one visit when he was little where they did not hold him, but didnt ask to during their visit but phoned 3 hours after they got home to complain. He was a very colicky baby and when we managed to get him to sleep it felt like a miracle and we didnt like to wake him again!! It wasnt anything personal.

Sorry i've rabbited on and I dont think you're like my in-laws, I guess I'm trying to say communication is the key as often wired get crossed and feelings get hurt from confusion otherwise

Yeah, I thought I was quite an outgoing speak my mind kinda girl but when it comse to my SIL I clam up.
Being outspoken I sometimes says things rather more harshly than I meant, DH is always saying fairysnuff!!
My fear is of saying something too harshly and all doors are slammed shut in fear!! or anger. I don't think they ......no, I know, they don't take kindly to criticism. Not that I am setting out to do that. What I mean is they are very sensitive but entirely sure that thier way is teh right way. She actually lectured MIL once!

No matter, on this occasion it was lack of communication and as for the getting near my niece, well she is 2 now so when I left I just asked for a cuddle and got one, so I think I will be able to get them again in the future.
In the past, SIL has said, it just didn't occur to her that anyone would want to hold , what she called, a screaming bundle. Not that I ever saw that side whenever I was there. So, again, communication. I was too nervous to ask but should not have been.

And, now that I will be asking my niece herself, I will not be nervous in the future.