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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is an STD/ STI

23 replies

samb80 · 18/03/2020 17:21

Bit of background
I am late 30's have been sleeping with a bloke for a little while now.
The last two times I have slept with him I have had thrush and BV (have needed antibiotics) Whilst ALL my research has presented that neither is caused by STD's I'm getting a bit suspicious. I've now asked to discuss with my doctor.
It's a causal relationship but he has said that he's not sleeping with anyone else. I'm really baffled.
Am I being really stupid here and he's lying to me, the first time ok coincidence but twice immediately after we've been together??

OP posts:
BossAssBitch · 18/03/2020 17:24

He said he’s not sleeping with anyone else. Well he would, wouldn’t he.

You’re obviously not using protection in which case I think you are quite mad.

Get yourself tested.

Good luck

SquidwardTennisballs · 18/03/2020 17:24

Well if both times you’ve slept with him without protection and you’ve had thrush I’m more inclined to lean to the fact that he has thrush himself and hasn’t been treated. If you’re both sleeping together then you both need to get treatment for it otherwise you’ll just keep getting it.

Likethebattle · 18/03/2020 17:40

Thrush passes back and forward between partners. He need to be treated too or he will just keep re-Infecting you. In a casual relationship why the hell are you not using condoms, it’s madness not to?

Leaannb · 18/03/2020 17:47

Until you are both treated for thrush BV you will continue to get it

contactusdeletus · 18/03/2020 18:05

As other posters have commented, thrush can pass back and forth between partners, so he needs to get treated too or he'll just give it to you again and again.

On a related note, what's his hygiene like? Kind of an awkward question to ask, but bacterial vaginosis is what it says on the tin: a bacterial infection. I'm guessing you know all the old adages about wiping front to back, peeing after sex, etc. And that he's not trying anything stupid he's seen in pornography, like going straight from anal to vaginal sex. But if you're not using a condom, and he's not keeping himself scrupulously clean . . . I don't want to get graphic about this but men aren't always the best at hygiene. One word: foreskin. Sorry! Grin

The other option is that you're shaving yourself bald / douching / using scented products when you see this guy, and it's throwing off your vaginal PH, resulting in thrush and making it easier for bacteria to get through.

Hope you get it sorted, neither BV nor thrush are a fun experience

dragonicicle · 18/03/2020 18:34

Google trichomoniasis - treatment is the same as BV but it's an STI

nogoodusernames · 18/03/2020 19:39

Even if he’s telling the truth and is currently only sleeping with you, how do you know he hasn’t got anything from previous relationships?

Original poster
samb80 · 18/03/2020 20:55

So I didn't tell him about the first bout- I thought it was just me. Second bout I told him and he got treated but haven't seen him since.
Good question why we don't use protection I have the coil and he was very much there is not one else so I trusted him.
He continues to say there's no one else but I'm not really sure ... twice this has happened!!
In regards to his hygiene, he seems pretty clean and smells nice and we only have vaginal sex no anal.
I'm just baffled, if he has been with other people I would just be really pissed off that he lied and put me at risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
samb80 · 18/03/2020 21:01

Also After the first time I thought what have I done and had a full screening was completely clear so I knew he didn't have anything.
I don't know if it's having the coil fitted or he's just an f**ing liar.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 18/03/2020 21:01

He doesn’t need to be sleeping with other people, he’s slept with people in the past, no? He could already have something. If you keep getting thrush he probably has thrush!

Original poster
samb80 · 18/03/2020 21:04

Because I ha ent slept with him since he's been treated I don't know if I'd get it again (then I would think it's the coil).
However my full screening would have shown this up but it didn't and then since then I've had it twice. So if he had slept with someone who had thrush and then gave it to me - then he is a liar.
Therefore would I be right in thinking thrush is a potential sti?

OP posts:
Original poster
samb80 · 18/03/2020 21:06

I do t want to have to have the conversation with him. I'd rather just be unavailable. But I don't want to accuse him of something if he's genuinely innocent.

OP posts:
PotholeParadise · 18/03/2020 21:07

Also After the first time I thought what have I done and had a full screening was completely clear so I knew he didn't have anything.

How long after the unprotected shagging were you screened, and did you tell them how recently you'd had sex without a condom?

PotholeParadise · 18/03/2020 21:09

Good question why we don't use protection I have the coil and he was very much there is not one else so I trusted him.

Did he show you a recent certificate of clean STI screening?

If he sleeps with you without a condom without asking for confirmation that you're clean, then he did the same with all his previous sexual partners too.

Ohtherewearethen · 18/03/2020 21:12

To think that vital NHS resources are being taken up by screening people for potential STIs when you could just use a condom until you know you're only sleeping with eachother and you're both clean.
None of us can say if it's caused from having sex with him, if he's telling you the truth or if he's riddled with diseases. Either have the conversation with him, use condoms or stop sleeping with him.

lyralalala · 18/03/2020 21:23

BV is more common when you have a coil and also when you have a new partner so both together increases your risk

Thrush can be a pain to get rid of when you are passing back and forth. DH had it after antibiotics (he's diabetic) and it took 3 rounds of treatment to get rid of.

Olawisk · 18/03/2020 21:28

Iv had sex with a few different men in the last 6 months (more then once).

Iv had BV/thrush and cystitis ... never had any of those before in my life!!!

I also had a sti test recently after getting all 3. Completely clear! I just think some people are not as compatible sex wise Smile

Pukkatea · 18/03/2020 21:29

Do you have regular sex or is this a change of activity for you? I find if I've not for a while then I can get thrush pretty easily starting back up again.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2020 21:31

Use condoms, ffs

Original poster
samb80 · 18/03/2020 21:59

I separated last year so haven't been regularly active. Until this bloke.
Think will just use condoms from now on, it's really not worth this hassle.

OP posts:
Skyecat · 18/03/2020 22:11

A 'full screening' with the NHS will only test for HIV, syphilis, gonhorrea and chlamydia. Use condoms from now on, although these don't fully protect you from all stds.

Fantasiaa · 18/03/2020 22:22

You are in a casual relationship.
Having unprotected sex.
You are surprised you have STI like symptoms.
Right

Manchestermanchester · 18/03/2020 22:31

Are you showering before and plus, plus using condoms?

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