To think that affairs might be the collateral damage of social distancing?

[forrasee]

I am not making light of coronovirus and haven't put this in the topic as it's not really about the virus as such.

But it struck me today - there are normally several running threads on mumsnet at anyone time by OPs who have discovered their partners are cheating due to certain signs. At the moment there aren't as many as people have other things to worry about.

Do you think if people can't get out to meet their affair partners that the affairs might die off and go unnoticed? Or, will the messaging will pick up and more will come to light in the tension of living in such close quarters?

YANBU - Affairs will die off if the thrill of physical contact is gone
YABU - People will crack on even when isolating

Even in the Nazi death camps people managed to have affairs.
My 18 year old explained last night that sex is one of maslows basic needs....as he strode off to meet his tinder date.

Tbh I had the same thought -esp with France and Italy on complete lock down- not wishing to generalise but France even have a name for the hour after work when affair partners meet up.

I think though divorce rates are going to go through the roof. Stuck in with other halves for weeks on end without any sort of respite from each other. Christmas seems to be bad enough on this front. Added in the financial pressures a lot will be under, divorce lawyers had better ramp up their capacity.

Gosh did they Buster?

I agree re divorce rates. I suppose for some people, not being able to see their affair partner will force them to choose.

Tbh I had the same thought -esp with France and Italy on complete lock down- not wishing to generalise but France even have a name for the hour after work when affair partners meet up.

:) In France you are still allowed to go out for exercise, so make of that what you will! (I'm picturing the adulterous couple in Last of the Summer Wine, who were always discovered shagging in a bush up a mountain or something.) I think the cinq à sept will survive, possibly after a slight hiatus. It's easier to restart an affair than a shuttered small business, sadly.

I thought this too - no alibis!

@Charlottejbt Howard and Marina!

My fear is domestic abuse will ramp up. Imagine those men that cannot watch their beloved football or their wives cannot get them the food/drink they like when shopping (and women for those that are the abusers)

My father used his kids as human shields against our mother’s sadism, and manipulated and guilt tripped us as adults into putting up with her vileness.
I’m not in contact with them, but I’m rather enjoying the thought of him having to deal with her alone for weeks. It’s poetic justice. I think he might do a Reggie Perrin.

@DobbyLovesSocks l hate to agree but l thought similar when l saw all the lager sold out at Sainsbury earlier. Domestic abuse statistically increases during the World Cup, Christmas etc

Agreed Dobby. Terrifying to imagine how this situation will isolate abuse victims even further, behind closed doors with their abuser in times of heightened stress. Doesn't bear thinking about.

Unless the internet and phone lines go down I think people having affairs will be fine, or even thrive-phone sex, video calls, emails, sexting etc will ramp up if anything, people will feel less guilt because they're 'technically' not physically cheating.

If you're tragic enough to be having an affair I'm quite sure you're likely to be tragic enough to find the whole 'I want it even more because i cant have it/star crossed lovers' nonsense a real boost to that sort of thing

Oh god the domestic abuse thought is horrible :(

not wishing to generalise but France even have a name for the hour after work when affair partners meet up.

it used to be the cinq a sept - has French virility been on the downward slide ...

I think actual physical contact in affairs is usually a tiny tip of an iceberg.

The majority of it all seems to be about the ego-stroking, emotional propping up, texting, sexting, etc. It all forms a hazey sort of dream-bubble which serves as an escape from the real world (hence many going 'pop' when brought into sunlight).

I imagine that hidden side of it all will ramp up in most people's lives, due to the increased stress and reduced outlets in the real world.

I am actually more worried about those in Abusive relationships now being stuck at home 24/7 with their partners.

@Littletabbyocelot Yes, Howard and Marina! Seeing their names like that, I can picture them exactly!

I think ( being lighthearted and not considering the potential increase in domestic abuse and child abuse if schools close) marriages are more likely to end. I'd have thought the separation would add to the 'star crossed lover's affair narrative and would make them stronger because they've been forced apart.

I think actual physical contact in affairs is usually a tiny tip of an iceberg.

Oh that's interesting, do you think? I was approaching it the other way - that without the physical gratification the excitement would die off and people would realise it wasn't worth it as they essentially weren't getting anything?

My 18 year old explained last night that sex is one of maslows basic needs....as he strode off to meet his tinder date.

This made me

In France maybe theyll make "off to meet my lover" an option on the permission sheet....

I do think this will destroy a lot of relationships where people who currently tolerate eachother will be forced to spend time together they don't usually have to. I am actually very glad I am single and it's just me and small DS. My ex-h took time off (too much time) when our DS was born and he drove me to distraction. He now lives with OW who watches every move he makes. No freedom for him!!

My 18 year old explained last night that sex is one of maslows basic needs....as he strode off to meet his tinder date.

Maslow was wrong. No-one ever died due to lack of sex, whatever an 18 yo thinks. And suggesting it's a basic need implies a caring society should ensure everyone gets sex. So, who is volunteering to help provide sex to those who can't get it? We all have neighbours who live alone who won't get any sex while self isolating, should we provide a quick fingering while dropping off their weekly shop? Bloody nonsense.

@countfosco
I find a sense of humour most important in these heightened times.

Don't worry I have offered to exercise my elderly neighbours dog but I ain't gonna fuck him

Maslow was wrong. No-one ever died due to lack of sex, whatever an 18 yo thinks. And suggesting it's a basic need implies a caring society should ensure everyone gets sex.

Maybe he was saying it was a basic need of society, rather than the individual ?

Don't worry I have offered to exercise my elderly neighbours dog but I ain't gonna fuck him

Poor dog, what about his basic needs?

should we provide a quick fingering while dropping off their weekly shop?

This thread escalated so quickly

I'd like to think that the cheating partner would spend their time during lockdown putting their energy into their marriage and their families, and forget all about the OW/OM if they have one, and the OW/OM realises that they would be better off with someone who is totally committed to them.
I cant imagine how it would make me feel if I was feeling poorly with the corona virus and my special someone was out of contact looking after their spouse and family. I cant imagine it would make me feel valued, but then maybe OW/OM arent in it to feel valued?
Disclaimer, I am not, nor have I ever been an OW/OM, just saying it might make them realise how unimportant they are to their married or committed person.
Hope this has made sense.