mum with cancer

[marmite92]

This isn't really AIBU but not sure where to post this. My mum has cancer, shes in her 50s so it was a huge shock, and she is struggling to cope mentally. I feel totally overwhelmed as my life aside from this is very stressful too in terms of work and I split up with serious partner recently so sorting out mortgage etc, and I have anxiety myself. She has terrible anxiety and depression and I just don't know what to say its awful to watch her like this and breaks my heart. But she won't speak to a mental professional she says there is no point because they can't cure her of the cancer. I suppose what I am asking is if anyone else who's family member had cancer also experienced this and what can you do?

didn't mean to put the voting thing on sorry

sorry don't mean to drip feed but it is pancreatic cancer so a totally shit and horrible one

Oh my goodness so sorry to hear this about your mum. I'm sure the cancer services she is under could arrange counselling for her. My friend has terminal cancer (not pancreatic) and she was given councelling arranged by her specialist nurse.
Macmillan nurses may also provide councelling and of course your local hospice provides many services for councelling and relaxation.It's such a shit disease which I lost my Mum to as well, and to have it so young is just tragic. I wish you and your Mum well.

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. There's a lot of support out there if she wants it and you can access it too. Where is she up to in hospital meetings etc? They will offer support if they feel she needs it or if she asks. Do you have a Maggie's Centre attached to the hospital? If so, try giving them a call.

Thank you for the replies, there is a maggies centre but she just keeps saying how she doesn't see the point in talking to someone, its very frustrating. Shes had it for a while now and on chemo and only recently had a blip physically, so we were going out and doing things but with corona and shes not been well recently shes been staying in a lot and I think thats made her feel worse and ruminate on everything. The problem is she doesn't want their help but offloads everything like all her fears and worries and life regrets etc onto me and I find it hard to listen to her being distressed. I just feel lost like I don't know what to say or how to help

I'm so sorry she's goin though this.

Not a family member but my best friend is just over a very bad cancer.
She didn't want to avail of counselling either but she did use her friends and family as counsellers sort of.

Let your mum know she can tell you all her fears and worries. Listen to everything she says even though it's hard for you.
Perhaps look at getting some support, mentally, for yourself.

There's plenty out there to read up on so you can learn how to help her.

Trying to change your state of mind and becoming more positive and accepting of the current state really can have profound effects on the body.
Stress and depression only makes us sicker and weaker.

This is her 'new normal' for now.. ...it's horrible and it's not fair.
I understand completely that's she doesn't want to go to counselling, it's not for everyone but perhaps try to arm her with plenty of books, videos and podcasts so she doesn't feel so alone in this fight.

Thanks so much, yes you are right it is the new normal its just horrible. I do listen and try and reassure and talk through things, I guess its just that this has been going on for 2 years now with no improvements (mentally) and its getting worse so its a struggle. I might try and speak to someone at the hospital so when she goes for check ups they are aware and can maybe say about the importance of looking after herself mentally. I might try and get someone to speak to as well for me. Thank you x