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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Argghh need responses to dog owner in part

23 replies

Mamalicious16 · 16/03/2020 20:45

Child age 5 in park. Dog not on lead comes running up to her. Child already has fear of dogs after large one jumped up and barked at her when child was 3. I said "she doesn't like dogs" and made to walk away. Dog owner said, "she never will do if YOURE like that". AIBU to be angry? Fwiw dog should've been on lead. ( Signs up ).

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/03/2020 21:05

YANBU to be angry...

However if you show that at the time, you are reinforcing your childs belief that there is something to fear, because you being angry is scary for a kid.

So the best thing to do is remove your child from the situation swiftly with as little fuss as possible.

If you are going to take a child who has a fear of dogs, to places where there will be dogs, then you should take sensible steps to reducing their fear (and learning how to handle utter idiots calmly is part of that).

There are dog trainers who will allow parents to bring a child to puppy classes and set them up a safe area where they can observe for a short time each week.

Unfortunately in the moment, there really isn't anything you can do other than walk away, because any anger or any unpleasant interaction is only going to make the situation more stressful which your child will pick up on.

Having said all the above, I would WANT to say 'are you unable to read as well as unable to train your dog? whilst pointing at the signs.

An alternative would be 'my child only likes dogs who are extremely well trained' and when they claim theirs is, ask them to demonstrate a close competition heel 100 yards in the other direction :)

CSIblonde · 16/03/2020 21:07

Well assuming it wasn't snarling or being overly jumpy she has a point, children pick up on your mood. If you'd picked her up to reassure her, but said nice doggie is saying hello, it would help her cope & not reinforce all dogs are scary . I don't own a dog BTW but having been a teacher, children's fears of dogs, birds, thunderstorms etc often increase out of all proportion if not dealt with in a calm, proactive way.

Wolfiefan · 16/03/2020 21:09

I wouldn’t say she doesn’t like dogs as that reinforces the fear.
I would be shouting “recall your dog” as it barrelled towards her. Dogs need to be under control in public. Doesn’t sound like it was.
Oh and she never will do if ignorant owners like that break the rules and let their dogs be rude.
Dogs Trust do good sessions for those wary of dogs.

StoneofDestiny · 16/03/2020 21:11

Dog should have been on lead and under owners control. It shouldnt be able to run up uncontrolled to anybody.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 16/03/2020 21:14

YANBU. Dog owner and dog lover. But I maintain that I don't get to decide who should or shouldn't like dogs, just as I don't get to decide that my dog being friendly overrides another person's fear. It's shit ownership and your poor child is never going to get over her fear with dickhead owners like that.

Our dogs are absolute knobs; biggest bellends on earth. But they've never ever jumped at anyone or ignored my command to return to me because they're trained properly - if they weren't they'd stay on their leads til they sorted their nonsense out. Shit dog owners blame others for their dogs shit behaviour.

Wearywithteens · 16/03/2020 21:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Wolfiefan · 16/03/2020 21:19

Not at all @Wearywithteens.
Suggesting ways OP can deal with it but also ways of not reinforcing the existing fear.

Wearywithteens · 16/03/2020 21:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PardonWhat · 16/03/2020 21:36

YANBU that the dog should have been on the lead if that’s what signs dictate.
However, the person was right regarding your daughter being scared. Perhaps best to avoid places that must be popular for dog exercise (hence the signs) and chalk it down to experience!
I hope your daughter wasn’t too upset!

Boom45 · 16/03/2020 21:38

OP didn't say to the dog owner that she was scared of dogs she said "she doesn't like dogs" and that is a perfectly valid choice - no one has to like dogs and its certainly not up to a random dog owner to decide her daughter should like dogs.
I like dogs, don't really like cats and I tell people that if their cat is trying to climb all over me - no one has yet told me that I should....

OverByYer · 16/03/2020 21:38

I’m a dog owner and would never allow my lovely, friendly medium size dog wander up to a small child. If she is off lead and I see anyone approaching I put her on her lead as she can be over friendly and I appreciate not everyone likes dogs. If children want to let her then I help them do so.

Clarinet53 · 16/03/2020 21:44

I have a couple of labs that are well trained to a point. They have grown up with my children and as such they think that all children will love and want to play with them and generally see children as up for fun.

My dogs recall is good. However, at a children's play area they would be on a lead. If my dogs had upset a child I would apologise, especially to the child. I'd not want to make a stressful situation worse

koshkatt · 16/03/2020 21:53

Dog owner was right.

heartsonacake · 16/03/2020 21:58

YABU, I think the dog owner was right in what he said.

You’re her mother, you’re responsible for teaching and helping her to get over her fears. Your behaviour at the moment is just reinforcing them.

crispysausagerolls · 16/03/2020 22:04

Dogs shouldn’t be allowed to run amok, and they should definitely not be allowed to run over to children.

BUT in a park you have to expect dogs, and the possibility of an over friendly dog/lazy owner.

I have also seen some parents react appallingly to dogs - our spaniel was in the general vicinity of a child once. Not going towards it but just “working”as spaniels do, and the child was flipping out and screaming, and the parents were acting hysterical. It’s ridiculous really and doesn’t help anyone. I love when I see parents with children who want to pet my dog or play with him, call him over etc (especially after asking), and I always think those parents have done a wonderful job!

Purpleartichoke · 16/03/2020 22:26

Any dog owner who lets their dog approach a person without consent, especially a child, is not fit to be a dog owner.

Wearywithteens · 16/03/2020 22:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

StoneofDestiny · 17/03/2020 07:26

Meanwhile, any dog owner whose animal is jumpy, barky, aggressive, snarky, licky, friendly or generally in the face of a 5 year old child is completely off the hook

Exactly.
Many adults are afraid of dogs because of experiences like this in their childhood!
Your dog - keep it with you, under your control, and don't assume random strangers want your dog jumping, sniffing, barking or licking them.

Wolfiefan · 17/03/2020 07:31

@Wearywithteens I do keep my dogs to myself.
Mine wouldn’t approach anyone without an invite. Dogs shouldn’t be approaching strangers. Let alone running up and jumping at someone.
But this one did. (Stupid owner) so I was suggesting how the OP could deal with the situation (that she shouldn’t have to!)
By law dogs should be under control. If they might rush up to someone or leap up? Keep them on a lead.

MarginalGain · 17/03/2020 07:37

Well, the dog owner was wrong to have had her dog outside of her control, but right that you're not helping matters.

Reinforcing their dislikes 'Sarah doesn't like tomatoes' or 'Sarah is scared of heights' or whatever is not a great thing to be doing with a young child, surely?

Whatever your personal view on dogs is, there are an awful lot of them in the UK and going through life scared of them is no good.

Ripasso · 17/03/2020 07:58

I ask dog owners to recall their dog when I’m out with my toddler and our dog on a lead. Dogs should be under control if off lead and it is shocking how many are off lead that have no recall. I do not want random dogs approaching my toddler when they are the same size as him or bigger. I have had a couple of people shout and become aggressive to me for this simple request. I do tell them that if they can not control their dog it should be on a lead but sadly ignorant people seem to think their dogs can do what they like. Sadly I’m not sure what the answer is. I’ve found loudly saying please recall your dog as soon as it starts to approach us has worked for reasonable people.

StoneofDestiny · 17/03/2020 08:02

Reassuring the majority of dog owners believe dogs should be kept under their control and not roaming freely to random strangers.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/03/2020 08:10

YANBU about the dog ro it's owner. My little horror once bounced around a small child. I was in 100% agreement with the father that my dog should not have been there (my error, no 2 ways about it). He's a pup, better trained than that, but I should have been far quicker than I was.

BUT YABU, possibly, if, like that father, you make a big fuss about it. In my case the kids wasn't phased by my dog, was nigh on oblivious to what was bouncing behind her, but her dad shouting and swearing scared the living daylights out of her - and me and the dog!

So yes, a loud "Recall you dog!" should be all that is required.

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