to think that the word "intimacy" has

[Bubblebu]

become devalued and a bit gross because it is so commonly used and interchangeable for sex when being intimate with someone does not have to have anything to do with having sex with them.

Eg this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-51745702

It's used as a euphemism, but I think it retains the wider meaning.

yes but it has been adopted far and wide by the media, the gutter press, social media et all always with reference to sex and even sometimes in the context of porn.

I think that has caused younger generations confusion (reading that back I sound so old fashioned but I am not really)

Why does it make the word 'gross' because it's often used for sex?

Bubblebu I do agree with you actually, I think of intimacy as when you're snuggled up together talking. Which could lead to sex of course.

There are so many threads on here from men starting with lack of intimacy then go on to say it's lack of sex. Well why didn't you say that in the first place then...

I have found most people make the assumption you mean sex when you refer to intimacy. I run groups on healthy relationships and every time I use the word I need to clarify.

It's difficult when you read posts asking for advice on 'lack of intimacy in relationship' because you don't know whether it means the poster never has sex or has plenty of sex from a partner who never cuddles or talks to them.

The advice is very different, depending. I had a relationship where he wanted sex all the time but didn't want to kiss, cuddlie, hold hands or even sit next to me. THAT, to me, is a lack of intimacy.

WorraLiberty
Because the implication is that "intimacy" and "sex" are one and the same and interchangeable
And you are a very very lucky person if every single one of your sexual experiences during your life has at one and the same time also been intimate
Im not a regular mumsnet poster but I can believe it that men start threads about sex with the word "intimacy" in the title and they are not at fault - that is my very point. The word has been hijacked hence (ironically) sex starved men use the word "intimacy" when they are thinking of sex and maybe intimacy is what is missing in their relationship hence the lack of sex etc

MrsL2016 I don't doubt you. But do you agree the use of the word is a relatively recent thing (ie for example only since internet porn became so ubiquitious and somehow the word "intimacy" because a sanitised and acceptable reference to shagging.

It's used all over on online dating. Grinds my gears. Just say sex if you mean sex.

Words' meanings shift. It happens all the time and there's nothing you can do about it. YABU to say that a word is 'a bit gross' because it's used for sex though. That sounds rather childish tbh.

lazylinguist
respect your opinion
but I think you are saying give up the word "intimacy" towards the circumstances of fucking / shagging because we should move with the times.
is that what you are saying?

Word meanings change. "Netflix and chill" is a very different activity than I thought.

@Bubblebu

YABU. There is nothing 'gross' about the word 'intimacy,' and it's a bit weird that you say there is.

I don’t think there’s anything gross about the word intimacy is relationship to sex, because I don’t think there’s anything gross about sex.

However I do to a degree understand what you mean - I think of intimacy as that stage after really good sex, where you cuddle, touch, chat and feel really connected with one another. But I do think ‘being intimate’ is synonymous with sex and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either.

I'm not sure how recent this change in use/understanding has been but from what PP have said and the fact all my groups are with male participants (prisoners), I would say the context of the word means different things to men and women. Possibly hugely stereotyping here but more often than not women place more importance on intimacy in the traditional sense and men place more value on sex (the act).

in relation to sex*

Why is it gross if it is used to mean sex? Is sex gross? I think yabu.

Personally I wouldn't use intimacy to mean sex, if used about me and dp I would mean it like cutching up on the sofa eating takeaway and laughing. I do appreciate though other people do use this but still don't t think it's gross.

" but I think it retains the wider meaning."

I'm not sure it does in some cases. I think some people now would understand 'are you intimate?' to mean 'are you sleeping together?' whereas you can be intimate without having sex and you can have sex without being intimate.

but I think you are saying give up the word "intimacy" towards the circumstances of fucking / shagging because we should move with the times.

I just mean that words shifting their meaning is a normal process that has been happening in all languages since languages began. It's not devaluing, it's just changing. And I think that saying a word is gross or devalued because it's referring to sex sounds rather joyless and prudish.

Arguably the word 'intimacy' has always been potentially ambiguous, because it could have been referring to sex or just closeness. Whereas if it comes to mean only sexual intimacy, it will be less ambiguous. People will use other words to refer to platonic closeness. This is the kind of thing that happens to words a lot over time.

I don't and never had thought sex is gross.
What I do think is gross is that you can only be intimate with someone after you have had sex with them (and it goes without saying that there is no guarantee you will get intimacy in a sexual situation)

lazylinguist.
words are everything. they are what define us. how we speak write or communicate is everything
and the fact that Pornhub adopts the word "intimacy" is surely a pointer to how "evolved" our society is. Sorry if I really do sound prudish or fridgid that is quite strange looking back on my own life experiences.

I agree, Bubblebu, the adoption of particular words jangles under the new 'evolved' meaning sometimes. I don't actually think that every word/term is interchangeable and nor should it be. I hadn't thought about 'intimacy' particularly but you're right, it's a nuanced word and isn't applicable as sex'-lite'.

Not as bad for me as the meaning of 'legend' though. I saw a post here the other day bemoaning that it's morphed from real/magical achievement to being almost 'pasted onto' someone for 'bringing back crisps...'

The appropriation of some words and forcing them into everyday general (misplaced) usage is quite saddening.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Exactly

We understand each other

There is a much wider meaning to intimacy, I think it's about having lives entwined, sharing your deepest thoughts as much as physical - it's becoming a word with a narrower meaning though

okiedokieme
of course.
but it has been totally hijacked by porn / mainstream media