If someone said to you,

[OhioOhioOhio]

'I feel like a child.'

How would you take it?

You need to give context.

Okay. Some people did something really kind for me. But I didn't know it was going to happen. Or that it had taken 3 months for them to organise it. That it had been a tight secret I wasn't involved in. I couldn't have contributed because I don't have as much money. I didn't cope well with the totally unexpected surprise and said I felt like a child.
Sorry for being vague but I'd be mortified if I was found out on here and I know they'd be hurt because it was all meant out of total kindness.

If I'd taken the time to arrange something nice for someone and their response was "I feel like a child" then I would be a little offended and feel like I might as well have not bothered.

A surprise party?

I'd take it to mean that the person saying it felt as of they were being taken care of - not necessarily in a positive way. As in 'you don't think I can cope with this so you are treating me like a child'.
Or that they feel naive.

Some people have been very thoughtful but got it very wrong and upset/distressed/unsettled you. That's how I'd take it. Let the givers be well intentioned, and ask the givers to let you be uncomfortable with it.

To be honest I think you have to grit your teeth and be pleasant about it and not say anything negative.

If you said I feel like a child it comes across as slightly negative.
If you value these people it's best to try and make appreciative noises.
About a month later start making polite noises about disliking surprises.
If the surprise makes you feel indebted or on the back foot then I would try to pay it back over time. Or decline it.

Was it something that was more about the giver feeling good than the recipient? Was it something that you would have ordinarily had or liked to have had a say in?

I agree with @LolaSmiles. I'd be hurt by that comment.

It might depend on how you said it. If I was given a surprise trip to Disneyland, I'd probably say I feel like a child, in that I'm so excited and in awe of the 'magic' of it all.

Or I could say I feel like a child and have a face on because Disneyland is for kids not adults. So depends on your tone and body language!

Full disclosure, in case DH reads this, I'd love to go to Disneyland for me the kids.

If it was a surprise that they'd put time and effort into and the only thing you said was 'i feel like a child' I'd probably be a bit upset tbh

Is this following on from your other thread...

Look, some people organised a surprise, knowing you hate surprises. In which case they have to accept whatever reaction they get.

People organise surprises for them, if they give a shit what you wanted they wouldn't have done it knowing you hate surprises.

Don't overthink it, it's happened, your reaction was your reaction.

I saw your other thread where you said someone was planning a surprise for you but you hate surprises. This whole thing seems to be stressing you out way too much!
Can you talk to them about it?

I'd probably feel like I had been excluded from the surprise (for another person?) because they considered I wasn't mature enough to be involved.

If the surprise was for me, then it would be a confusing thing to say

In this scenario I would think that you meant you had no choice in anything, your opinion wasn't valued and you felt you had to do something that you didn't want to, no control, no one asked what you wanted to do or how you felt. And this is the way many people treat children, or maybe reminded you how you had been treat as a child.

It sounds like someone did something thoughtful and you didn't appreciate it.

But I am waiting for a massive drip feed here

There's probably one on the other, identical thread!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3848758-if-someone-said-to-you

OP is it not possible to just ask once and include all the relevant information? Nobody here is psychic

I'd feel hurt if I'd done a nice surprise for someone. Unless I'd completely gone against their wishes.

"i feel like a child", means you could feel, patronised, feelings dismissed/ignored, controlled, silly, not capable etc.

I've got adult children and sometimes have to remind myself how old they are before I offer advice, an opinion etc.

Nanna thank you. You've got it entirely.

It's all exaggerated because my xh used to treat me like shit and now everything in my head is fragile and out of context.

I'm a professional single mother is that helps me appear as less of a failure.

From the other thread, just so people can give useful advice:

My parents and sibling bought me a magnificent gift. I mean magnificent. Very expensive. I had NO idea. I also have no money and a nasty, nasty xh. All extended family knew about this gift. I was the last to know. I didn't cope. I felt like a child. Having to sit there and be all grateful. But I've been taking adcaof their generosity for years. It made me feel shit that this magnificent gift was organised for me and I have, again, nothing to give in return. It makes me feel embarrassed and angry. And I know I sound like a bitch. Sorry.

OP It sounds like the people who care for you have seen you have a rough time and have done something nice for you.

Due to your former relationship you may feel there is a need to reciprocate, but there isn't.
I understand perhaps feeling awkward if you'd normally feel the need to reciprocate, but saying that you felt like a child and you "had" to sit there being grateful Vs being genuinely grateful with a bit of apprehension of how to receiprocate does make you come across as ungrateful.

If I'd realised someone I'd tried to cheer up felt it was too much to appreciate an act of kindness then I'd be less inclined to bother in the future.

Thanks Lola

I guess I just couldn't/can't believe that they hadn't included me. Sorry

You sound like you don't think you deserved this gift? I am guessing your ex made you feel like you are not deserving of anything nice. This isn't true.

Your family obviously think you are worth it or they wouldn't have bothered. Is it something you actually want/need or is it something that they have unilaterally decided will be "good for you"?

In spite of how it sometimes seems in MN world, it really isn't usual for families to expect something in return. A gift is just that. A gift. For you.

You say that you were the last to know, but that is normal with presents. If I buy something for someone, I don't tell them all about it. They find out what it is when they receive it.

I don't think anyone one here thinks that you are a failure (or a child). You are overwhelmed and found it hard to know how to react. That's okay.

I hope you can get to the point where you enjoy your gift as it sounds like it was meant to be something to make you happy.

Why would they include you in a surprise meant for you?