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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband sulking over sex

29 replies

LostMemories · 15/03/2020 00:29

DH and I haven't been having sex regularly, our marriage is suffering at the moment for a few reasons. He made moves earlier whilst our DC2 was napping but due DC2 needing to wake up or else not sleep until an ungodly hour tonight, I said we should wait until this evening. DC2 was finally asleep at 9ish and I go downstairs to find DH is snoring his head off on the sofa. He has a sleep condition amongst other things that have put a strain on our marriage and although I admit I have my faults too, I really made an effort tonight. I nudged him on the sofa multiple times to wake him which roused him and he fell asleep again. I watched some TV and just before midnight, for the last time I tried again then I'd had enough and came to bed. He finally woke up and came upstairs wanting to make small talk in an effort to have sex and I told him to leave me alone as I was annoyed about the situation.

He left annoyed and has gone to sleep on the sofa. AIBU? Should I have just accepted that tonight was the night even if he woke up hours later?

OP posts:
TheSmallAssassin · 15/03/2020 00:30

No, you shouldn't. You've done the right thing. He needs to get over himself.

Notimeforaname · 15/03/2020 00:32

Nope. You gave him plenty of time. Tried to wake him several times. You needed to go to bed.

Notimeforaname · 15/03/2020 00:33

It's extremely immature to get in a huff about not having access to someone else's body. The moment had passed.

Freddiefox · 15/03/2020 00:34

Yanbu, my ex was similar, would fall asleep on the sofa then wake up at 12 and want to have sex. No consideration for the fact that I’d have to be up at 5.30 with dc’s while he had a lie in. One of the many reasons he’s an ex

Original poster
LostMemories · 15/03/2020 00:55

I would have loved tonight to have gone well, waiting weeks on end is frustrating but it felt like I had to jump and be ready whenever he was which, to me, seems unfair.

OP posts:
DingleberryRose · 15/03/2020 05:30

Nothing more gross and unattractive than a man sulking over sex. I’ve been with my DH 15 years and I’d honestly call it a day if he did this. I think it’s emotionally abusive.

ButtonandPickle19 · 15/03/2020 05:45

I think the lack of sex is probably putting too much pressure on these occasions. Why not make an effort regularly and see if you can get things back on a relaxed regular amount?

differentnameforthis · 15/03/2020 06:24

No, you should not have to have sex when it is convenient for him, and only him. You are a human being not a doll as his command, beck and call.

And don't listen to those who say do it regularly, have sex when you are comfortable to do so...so many factors go into it, and doing it when you don't want to isn't going to make you want it more.

Ruby8719 · 15/03/2020 06:46

To me it sounds like he tried twice though?

First time you said no which was fair enough for the kids - second time you said no to punish him?

Clearly you are are both consenting and wanting it to happen one way or another so I think with limited time options one of you needs to budge and get it in there while you can.

He only fell asleep not the crime of the century.

Mayorquimby2 · 15/03/2020 08:36

Sounds like you did a nice about of sulking about not getting sex how and when you wanted yourself

Mayorquimby2 · 15/03/2020 08:36

*amount

OwlinaTree · 15/03/2020 08:43

How old is your DC2? YANBU to not want sex in the middle of the night but HINBU to not want sex when he's fast asleep. Sounds like you are both a bit sleep deprived.

Thefaceofboe · 15/03/2020 09:07

Sounds like my partner. Called me selfish last night because I was happy reading a book downstairs. I asked why he was pressuring me to go to bed and he said wanted a blowjob. Ridiculous and caused a huge argument

Shoxfordian · 15/03/2020 09:20

Ah you're selfish because you don't want to give him a blowjob? Wow. Why are you still with him?

Arrowfanatic · 15/03/2020 09:22

I have a medical condition which has put some severe brakes on our sex life & my DH still keeps trying. He doesn't think I want him, I just need to weigh up a million different things to see if I can cope with the pain I'm left in and if my day can work with me in pain and extremely tired (as I can't sleep due to the pain).

I get fed up as I have to say no, which makes him feel rejected. Which isn't what it is at all & I get frustrated & upset when he reacts like this. Hes not mean with it, just goes sulky & distant.

DingleberryRose · 15/03/2020 09:24

@Thefaceofboe Sounds like my partner. Called me selfish last night because I was happy reading a book downstairs. I asked why he was pressuring me to go to bed and he said wanted a blowjob. Ridiculous and caused a huge argument

Yeah that’s not OK! What an idiot!!

Thefaceofboe · 15/03/2020 09:42

ah you're selfish because you don't want to give him a blowjob? Wow. Why are you still with him?

I’m asking that myself. He told me last night ‘things need to change’ but is acting like nothing has happened now

NoMoreDickheads · 15/03/2020 10:08

came upstairs wanting to make small talk in an effort to have sex and I told him to leave me alone as I was annoyed about the situation

YABU. If he has a sleep condition, it's annoying but he can't help it.

He shouldn't sulk about it as such though.

Pomegranateseeds · 15/03/2020 10:17

You told him to leave you alone because you were annoyed that he wasn’t ready for sex when you were though, didn’t you? So you’re both sulking about sex..?

JasonBrun · 15/03/2020 10:26

Surely you're sulking about sex? If you got sulky and told him to leave you alone then I'm not really sure that he's in the wrong going off to sleep on the sofa. If this were reversed and he'd tried to wake you up multiple times for sex then got annoyed with you and sulked to punish you then I think we'd all be, rightfully, calling him a wanker.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2020 10:30

I get fed up as I have to say no, which makes him feel rejected. Which isn't what it is at all & I get frustrated & upset when he reacts like this. Hes not mean with it, just goes sulky & distant.

You shouldn't have to say No. He shouldn't be asking if it's going to leave you in pain.

Does he not understand the situation?

dottiedodah · 15/03/2020 10:37

With small children ,Sex is often in short supply .There is nothing to put you off Sex as a small child asleep but due to wake up! DH needs to realise this ,its not all about him any more .Maybe time for him to put his needs to one side .If you can "catch the moment" well and good .If not then join the majority of young parents in this situation!

NailsNeedDoing · 15/03/2020 10:39

You were both annoyed about the lack of sex. Be nice to each other and look forward to the next opportunity.

Original poster
LostMemories · 15/03/2020 16:35

Thanks for the replies.

@JasonBrun I tried to wake him at his request for this on other occasions. I'd never dream of doing it usually but as we agreed we'd DTD later, I thought I'd show I was making an effort. He wasn't annoyed at being woken.

OP posts:
Original poster
LostMemories · 15/03/2020 16:35

Posted too soon, he'd usually question why I didn't try to wake him.

OP posts: