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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a baby but partner hasn't said yes or no

37 replies

Hannahblue3 · 14/03/2020 20:26

I know theres a virus going around at the moment but im broody lol...
I told my partner last month that I felt weird and nauseous all for 1 week. And I said I think I may be pregnant even though I take the pill but missed 1. So he said whatever happens we'll work through it. He works and is getting more work he said. And he even joked "it will look like you (me) and have his sense of humour".
When we first started dating that he doesn't mind if anything happens (as I wasn't sorted with contraception yet even though we used condoms.

Anyway so he hasn't said if he wants one. He doesn't have any children because his past relationships haven't lasted long enough. We love each other a lot and I'm broody. But I guess I just want him to say he's ready too. Any tips of getting him to? Or asking him

OP posts:
rainbow1982 · 14/03/2020 20:27

Erm, ask him??

n00bMaster69 · 14/03/2020 20:28

Just ask him.

ArchieStar · 14/03/2020 20:28

Just say you’ve been feeling more broody lately and you want to know where he stands on the kid front :) hope it goes the way you want it to!

Darbs76 · 14/03/2020 20:29

If you’re in a committed relationship surely you discuss future plans, it’s a pretty big one. How long have you been together. No point hinting. Just use this possibility of you accidental being pregnant to start the discussion.

Knoxinbox · 14/03/2020 20:30

Any tips? If you’re going to have a baby with him you need your relationship to be in a solid enough place that you can talk openly and honestly about anything.

How long have you been together? Are you financially stable? Married? Do you have a long term plan?

If you think you might be pregnant you need to do a test

LovingLola · 14/03/2020 20:30

It’s a pretty big decision
Ask him straight out

Original poster
Hannahblue3 · 14/03/2020 20:33

Been together 2 years and very stable. We talk about everything but I feel like I bring if up too much and get nowhere. I'll just tell him I've been broody Smile

OP posts:
JezebelJinx · 14/03/2020 20:36

You're talking about a huge decision, creating a human life that will have a massive and irreversible impact on your body, finances and freedom.. tying you to this man forever. If you cannot sit down and talk this through, are you really in the type of relationship that can withstand a baby shrieking with colic for hours at 4am... Or teething.. or a tantrumming toddler... Etc etc

You are being ridiculous to chance bringing a child into this immature relationship.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/03/2020 20:36

How long have you been together? Do you live together? Have you seen what sort of person he is when times get tough? Is his family sound, ie does he know how to be a good Dad?

I’d think about all these things first.

Graphista · 14/03/2020 20:38

Not married? Are you planning on only taking mat leave when it's on full pay and pretty much going straight back to work? Do you work now?

If you're planning extended mat leave, and especially going part time and even more especially being a sahm then I would say getting married needs to be your first step.

Also putting some savings aside - if you would be going back to work what is childcare provision like where you are and how much does it cost?

I've seen so many threads on here and know people in real life having dc without any consideration of the practicalities.

BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser · 14/03/2020 20:43

If you are not adult enough to go and discuss it with your partner, you are not adult enough to have a child with said partner.

HeddaGarbled · 14/03/2020 20:53

You need to take this more seriously than just indulging your “broody” feelings.

Are you both committed to being together forever? Do you have secure employment, housing, finances?

If you aren’t going to marry before having a child, you will need to have your own income and be at least an equal partner in home ownership or rental, so that you won’t be homeless and in financial difficulties if you split up.

If these things are in place, then you need to have a proper conversation. Don’t mess about missing the odd pill in the hope he’ll go along with it.

“How would you feel about trying for a baby?” is as good an opening question as any.

But be sensible. You don’t have to indulge the broody if now isn’t the right time.

DontBe · 14/03/2020 21:04

So you live together? Have you talked practically? Having a baby is a lot more than feeling broody and if you can’t talk to him how on earth do you expect to raise a child with him?

Winnipegdreamer · 14/03/2020 21:09

If you can’t bring up the conversation, then you’re not in the right place to be having a baby

DingleberryRose · 14/03/2020 21:09

2 years is nothing in relationship terms. Also ‘feeling broody’ is not a good reason to have a child. I’d wait a while so you don’t end up accidentally ruining your life!

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/03/2020 21:17

If you’re going to take the pill you need to take it every day, not miss any.

If you want to have a baby and become a parent you need to have a sensible serious conversation about it.

If you ever want to get married it’s worth doing that before you get pregnant.

Did you tell him the day you missed the pill? If you’ve both agreed to you taking responsibility for contraception in your relationship he has a right to know.

Is there a chance you might be pregnant, do you know?

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2020 21:25

Are you hoping he will propose as well? If you can't have a straightforward adult conversation then you're not ready to be parents

Josette77 · 14/03/2020 21:40

You don't sound ready.

CherryPavlova · 14/03/2020 21:44

You sound quite immature about the whole idea. Sounds like you might want an ‘accidental’ pregnancy and hopes it works out.
Have conversations about commitment and marriage.
Contraception
Parenting style.
Chore values
Finances
Childcare and work
Sharing housework.

BirdMascara · 14/03/2020 21:45

You sound very young and incapable of having a rational discussion with your partner about something that’s way more important than your ‘broody’ feelings. Leave it a while. Don’t skip pills.

And your DP sounds completely irresponsible if he in fact said it was ‘ok’ if you accidentally got pregnant when you first started dating!

Sparklesocks · 14/03/2020 21:53

You need to just have an adult conversation with him about his plans/thoughts on having children and ensure you’re on the same page. And as others said, part of those conversations need to involve plans for maternity pay/childcare etc and practical plans. If you’re unable to talk to him openly about this, you’re not ready to have a child together.

DontBe · 14/03/2020 21:57

In another thread you said you’ve only been together 4 months, which is it?

BecauseReasons · 14/03/2020 21:57

I wouldn't go down that road with coronavirus as it is at the moment, personally. AFAIK, sustained fever in the first trimester can cause nasty birth defects, and you're quite likely to contract the virus at some point in the next few months. I'm in the first trimester at the moment and, had I known this was coming, would definitely have waited.

WestCountryLady · 14/03/2020 22:00

I would keep taking that pill until you've both been 100% sure for a while and thought everything through, children are very rewarding but hard work and very demanding both emotionally and financially.

Rhubarbpeony · 14/03/2020 22:16

I can’t believe he said from when you first started dating that he didn’t mind if you got pregnant. That’s so irresponsible and thoughtless!

You need to talk to each other and plan for this properly, not wait and see what happens.