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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To do nothing? Ds and friend

8 replies

Childhoodbooks · 14/03/2020 16:10

I posted a while back about my 11yo ds and his toxic friendship with another boy.

To sum it up ds had a close friend from primary school, they've gone to different secondary's but remained good friends. It became apparent to me after hearing them gaming online/phone conversations that this boy was just awful and a real Jekyll and Hyde.

For example, picking fights with ds over nothing pretending ds has said/done things that he hadn't. Ringing ds over and over and getting angry if ds didn't answer, using bad language, trying to persuade ds not to attend his clubs, telling ds he was depressed and it's all ds fault, being very spiteful to another girl and involving ds. Expressed jealousy of ds making new friends.

Ds had genuinely done nothing wrong but try to be a good friend.

I really didn't want ds having anything to do with him, but it was one of those situations when they got on they really got in well and it was difficult because of mutual friends.

Anyway, this lad has now decided to drop ds like a lead balloon. They're not speaking, I'm glad, and ds understands that this boy is just horrible, but, the problem is that even though ds has blocked him, the boy is passing messages through other friends. He's told ds he hopes he dies, called him a cunt and a bastard. Is now trying to turn other mutual friends against ds.

Ds is gutted, he's not only gutted that he's lost what he believed was a friend, but he can't understand why this lad has turned against him when he's done nothing.

We've chatted lots about healthy relationships and boundaries and all of that. But ds is really down, he wants me to speak to the lads mum but I do not want to open another can of worms.

OP posts:
Childhoodbooks · 14/03/2020 16:15

Sorry when I say Aibu to do nothing.

I see no point in speaking to the boy mother, because if she's this oblivious to what a nasty piece of work he is she isn't going to appreciate me telling her.

But it's hard for ds because of the mutual friends.

OP posts:
Intelinside57 · 14/03/2020 16:29

You could ring the police non-emergency number about this. Keep all evidence of what is going on. Hard to say from your post, but you could at least get advice to see if they would get involved.

BitOfFun · 14/03/2020 17:00

Whaaaaaaaaat? The POLICE?

Childhoodbooks, it sounds like you are doing the right things. It should blow over; these things generally do.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/03/2020 17:03

PoliceHmm
Dear god
There's a global pandemic but yeah the rozzers will pop round and tell Jonny he's a very naughty boy
FFS

ThanosSavedMe · 14/03/2020 17:07

I’d invite all the other friends over for pizza and gaming. Nurture those friendships and any other new ones.

probablysue · 14/03/2020 17:11

It’s best to ignore. You say they go to different secondary schools anyway? Just get him to invite other kids over for play dates. Eventually this kid will get bored

Childhoodbooks · 14/03/2020 17:20

I was thinking more speaking to his mum or his school, but as they're at different schools I think it's pointless.

As my dh said, we want this boy to go away not open chapter 2.

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 14/03/2020 17:42

@ThanosSavedMe has got this bang on!!!! Encourage your son's relationships with his other friends and encourage distance between him and this other boy. Maybe worth explaining to your son that this isn't his fault and he needs to move on and put it behind him, and that if any mutual friends try to pass on messages he just needs to stop them and say he doesn't want to hear it

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