AIBU to feel I don’t belong?

[CyanSnake]

I actually think I am being a little bit unreasonable; but hear me out. I just want to know if any one else feels the same.

I grew up on a council estate, my dad was in and out of low paid jobs and when he left (I was about 12) my mum became a cleaner. We existed on the breadline pretty much. I did as well as a could at school, not great; but good enough to allow me to go to university and land a decent paying corporate job.

I just feel now that I don’t belong in either social circle.

With my childhood friends - I often get accused of being posh because I don’t want to sit in sticky dive bars; or because I wear different clothes to them. I often see things I’d like to do; but then I realise that none of my close friends will be able to afford to do it and I’m not able to pay for other people to go as well. I’ll often get told that “I came from [town] you’re no better than us” which I don’t think I am at all, but it does grate being told this every time I show an interest in anything but the budget option!

But on the other hand; I feel out of place with my work colleagues. They are all from established middle class backgrounds; and I just feel like I don’t have the cultural capital or knowledge of social niceties to fit in with their wider circles. A lot of the references they make in conversation, I just don’t get, and their talk foreign childhood holidays for example; I just can’t relate to.

Please tell me I’m not the only one that feels stuck in the in between like this?

No I'm the same. Doesn't help that I'm not a drinker so find boozy nights out utterly dull.

Social mobility is constantly changing though and you will find where you fit in. Maybe we can start an outcasts club? 😂😂😆

yeah im a bit like this - im not even from the country which makes it even worse. i pretty much am my own friend - i mean i have my husband and kids now, but i get what youre feeling. its a very odd place to be in.

@CyanSnake

YANBU at all, but I don't think you're on your own.

I know a number of working class young people who worked hard at school, got good A levels, and went to uni. Many people there were 'posh' and these people I know did feel a bit out of place for a bit. So much so that they put on an RP accent and dropped their regional one.

They all seemed to have found their way/their place now though - (they left uni a few years ago, and are 25 to 28 y.o. now, and most of them are back in their hometown.)

In the workplace, there are lots of different types of people, working AND middle class, and also people who went to uni, and people who didn't, and there are young, middle-aged and old-ish. So they just find their way around and connect with people like them.

You'll be OK. Well done for doing well now, after coming from the background you came from. Just be yourself. No-one can take that away from you.

Yanbu

You're in a social class wilderness, as am I.

I was brought up stereotypically middle class but am definitely not now.

I look working class for sure, and my lifestyle is but I'm not actually wc and so don't fit in.

On the otherhand, mc people don't think I'm one of them.

I can tell lots of people aren't sure what to make of me. One person was visibly shocked when they found out I went to private school.

People are tribal whether they know it or not.

@formerbabe

One person was visibly shocked when they found out I went to private school.

This puts me in mind of something my friend told me a while back....

She lives in a housing association house (moved in 3-4 years ago,) one of only 7 in the village of 75 houses she lives in. The HA bought them in auctions - to add to their housing stock some 30 years ago.

She is upper-working class, and has privately owned her homes (for 25 years,) and has very little regional accent. She ended up in social housing in mid 2017, after she and her husband's business crashed and they went bankrupt. She private let for about a year and then was offered her social housing home.

She says she has lost count of the amount of times people are visibly shocked that they are in a housing association house. 'We thought you owned it!' they exclaim. 'You don't seem like social housing tenants at all!'

Make of THAT what you will!

Tbh this is why I keep saying that the British obsession with class is just incredibly unhealthy and dangerous.

I am foreign. No one ever gave a fuck about my class here and if they did, I wouldn't be able to say which class I am🤷
Think growing up in 1 bed for 4ppl but set in half an acre of land and owing 2 cottages elsewhere...

Well said @Bodies

I kind of understand but you need to find people to be friends with who have the same values and interests.

I grew up similarly to you but have a professional job and my husband is middle class (people alway look shocked he’s my husband).

I met him doing a joint hobby. Most me my good friends I know from shared interests and that allows us to forge equal relationships with shared experiences.

I’ve just joined a craft group. We’re all very different in terms of background and age but our shared enjoyment transcends those differences.