How to keep calm?

[Confusedasusual78]

I can’t keep calm about the whole coronavirus situation, I’m constantly crying and feeling panicky, thinking about my baby girl, my partner, parents etc and the future..whatever that may be. Is there any positivity? Has this all been hyped up?
I’m not in the uk btw, which makes me more anxious as I can’t get back to my parents, sister etc and don’t know when I’ll see them.
Please tell me I’m honestly being over dramatic and too easily affected by the media etc.

You sound very anxious. Are you anxious generally or is it just the current situation that's making you feel anxious?

I’m mildly anxious in some situations, but generally quite laid back, but this is something else..am I the only one, am I seeing it as worse than it is?

Hi Confusedasusual,

You might find the 'Positive mental health thread' on the Coronavirus section helpful.

Maybe try to stop watching it. Allow yourself to watch the news twice per week or something. Be cautious when out and about (limit to necessary journeys only too).

I think there's no point over bombarding yourself with stories about it atm. Chances are you'll catch it years from now and not even realise what it is. There will be some other scary thing on our minds by then no doubt.

No . It’s normal to be worried. I think probably the best thing to do is focus on little things you can do to empower yourself. So connect with family via video calls, ensure you have medicines at home etc. It’s a deeply concerning time and you’d have to be made of stone to watch the news reports coming out of Italy and not feel concerned.

Do any of your loved ones have serious underlying health conditions? If not, then you are allowing media hype and scare mongering to get the better of you.

If I was you I would step back from following the news etc and just let life happen as normally as possible; You sound very anxious and that is never a pleasant experience but right now you're getting yourself into a state about something that may not affect you/your family.

I wish you well and I hope you can find the mental strength to rationalise.

Look, I can only say, I'm in a high-risk group (asthmatic) as is my beloved DH (cardio-vascular issues) and both over 62, and I'm taking sensible precautions but still living life without 'crying' and giving it too much thought.

I mean this kindly but I and DH are much more likely to get ill from this and die than you are and we're not any more ready to!

So no more crying and panicking, OK? we've all just got to get on with this. Some will die, yes, just as some die from something every year, month, week; but we can't let that make us lose our joy in being alive and having stuff to do in the here and now.

In think most anxiety comes from a place of not feeling in control. And in many ways none of us are in control of the Corona situation, we can't be. All we can ever do is be in control of ourselves and our actions. That's it! And as soon as you truly realise that you can feel very calm. Because you only ever have control of yourself and your life. That feeling once it's mastered, spills over to family. We can only protect our loved ones so much. The younger ones we can protect physically and give them the tools to protect themselves.

The older ones? You have to trust them as adults to know what to do.

Do you feel safe? Mentally and physically? If not why not? What are the barriers to you feeling safe? Can you do something about that?

The barriers to you feeling safe that you have absolutely no power over, you have to let go, you have to acknowledge that you are powerless in some ways and find an accommodation. It's ok to be powerless. We're all powerless sometimes. Knowing that, but at the same time, doing what you can makes you very calm. You can cope with anything. Because anything might happen.

My mum is quite badly asthmatic and my dad is 70, so not the youngest.
The country we live in is halfway to a full lockdown I’d say, the last couple of days. There’s panic everywhere and I probably don’t help myself my looking on Fb, which is obviously flooded with it all, seeing the news etc.
I have to say, when I’ve messaged my sister or parents in the uk, they’re remarkably calm, so whether it’s where we are or Britain is being casual, I’m not sure.
I haven’t been able to sleep (as is evident now!) and just keep hugging my baby girl.
I’m worried about not having money or food and one of us getting it and not recovering easily. It’s like a surreal world at the moment, how I long for the ‘Old’ problems I thought I had.

*By looking on Facebook

Also on my mums baby WhatsApp group thingy, it’s been pinging all day with messages every time there’s another infection near us etc or the two young people with no ‘Underlying health issues’ in France dying.
I’m reluctant to switch it all off in a way as so much is happening that I might need to know, but I also know it’s messing with my head!

Rather than not watching news, withdraw from the rumour mills of facebook and whatsapp if they upset you.

Confused , you sound quite young. You have a very young child which can be a time of high anxiety as you suddenly realise that your life is not quite your own and you have the responsibility of a life, a life!

Procreation also has the effect of making even the least creative of us realise that we're just part of a larger narrative. And that can make us feel very responsible, but very small and powerless at the same time.

That dichotomy is always there. I think Corona has thrust it to the fore and maybe made people more aware. Knowledge of death is all well and good. We'll all die is there. We know it even if we choose not to acknowledge it.

But lots at the same time? From a rampaging pathogen? Unthinkable.

At this stage there are 100s of 1000s of inflections worldwide, perhaps millions (since unrecorded infections are thought to be orders of magnitude greater than unrecorded ones) and no one under 10 has died. I would be upset if I thought this disease were a risk to small children, but it really isn’t.

OP: I live in China and was exactly the same as you while it was at large here. Luckily, the Chinese government took proper precautions and contained it and it's over in my province now. BUT, the things that kept me sane during the virus are:

Your baby will be fine. It is much more difficult for children to contract the disease, and those who do have VERY mild cases. One of the last cases in my province was a mother and a newborn, both recovered quickly from mild symptoms.

Don't watch the news. Get someone you trust to pass on essential updates to you (if there are any) and also to pass on any positive news about the virus.

Stay indoors, know that you are safe indoors. Don't let anyone in. No visitors. Order your shopping online. If you can prevent those living in your home from going outside (i.e. can you work from home?) then do. This was easier for me as literally everyone in China self-isolated for about 4 weeks so the virus was over quickly. Encourage your parents to do the same - should be easier for retired people. Help them order their shopping if they don't know how.

If you do have to go out, avoid public transport, avoid busy shops.

Know that even if you do catch the virus, you'll probably be okay. It made me feel better to start researching immune-system boosting foods and I passed the days quite nicely cooking lots of delicious and really healthy meals! This made me feel happy, relaxed, and also reassured me (rightly or wrongly) that if I did catch the virus, I'd be better at fighting it.

Watch a lot of comedies.

Just saw you're not in the UK. OP, I know that countries shutting down is scary. But know that they are doing the right thing. This is ESSENTIAL for the virus to not be able to spread. It is scary, but it will mean the virus will be over far sooner where you are than in the UK where they're taking nowhere near enough precautions :(

1. Put the whatsapp group on silence (open the group and click on the name of it at the top and you can change settings to not be alerted when new messages arrive).

1. Decide a time every day when you will look at the messages. Or twice a day. But point is you decide. When they're pinging in - or you expect them to be - you can't relax.

1. Save the WHO page and the government health page with updates of whatever country you're in. Choose a time (or a few times) a day when you'll look at it BEFORE (ideally instead of though!) you look at any media or social media: remember the media NEED you to click on their pages for advertising revenues...

1. Stop going on FB, Mumsnet and basically any form of social media or news websites (and if your email is like mine right now, with every organisation telling you about their new procedures, that too).

1. Decide a time/times when you will check all those things. And do it if you want. But don't do it in between times.

1. Next up is distraction. Podcasts are good for this because you can keep them on in the background, like the radio, and even if you do start thinking about stressful things, they will distract you. Same with listening to streamed/downloaded music. Do not listen to the radio, unless it's at, say, 6 o'clock for the news.

1. Reading books, Netflix, watching scheduled TV recorded shows (not news or chat shows filmed live) is another. Playing board games is another (although I know not everyone likes that) or games on your phone.

1. What helps normally when things get overwhelming? Tetris is actually used to help people get feelings of extreme stress neutralised after traumatic events, so that may help when you're feeling panicky. Music can help more than people realise, so is there a song that always gets you dancing or singing along? If so, maybe try putting it on when you start feeling the panic coming up - or even put it on at set times, like straight after checking the whatsapp group and social media. Or every hour too (hopefully there's more than one song, so you don't get bored). There are also breathing techniques like breathing in for two counts and out for four.

1. These are worrying times. There's nothing wrong with feeling it. My suggestions are so that you can protect yourself from the worst of those feelings lasting too long as well as also feel some good feelings. If you set up a routine with this, it will help you be in control of your situation. Allow yourself to also feel ok.

It's really hard to feel calm when anxiety is shit stirring. But there are things you can do to relieve the pressure of it. Your relatives are competent adults, like you, and they don't want to catch it either. Trust that they'll be doing their best too. If you were home, you wouldn't want to be seeing them any way as children can transmit it, so your not being close in this instance is actually helping them.

Big, sterile hugs.

*sorry not sure if the radio bit is clear! Basically the idea is that you control what you hear/see in the house. If the radio has hosts talking, they'll mention corona at some point, and you have no control about when that is or what they'll say. So listen to something that's prerecorded and not corona/news related.

I have a friend in Spain who says the UK is far more relaxed and so we are not yet experiencing what you are going through.

Many still don't get it or are not taking it seriously and with schools and shops open, it appears everything is (sort of) normal right now. Your concern is only natural.

But others are right, you and your child are young and healthy.

Can you order food online?
Do you have a network of friends and family you can catch up with via phone?
Can you just silence the Whatsapp group and turn off the news? (Easier said).
Distractions - watch a film, read a book.
Relaxation techniques
The poster from China has some great suggestions.

And come on here. There are some good resources and plenty of people to 'talk' to.

Thank you all so much for your ideas and kind words, I’m going to silence the WhatsApp and only check once per day and just try to make the most of being at home with my family.