To ask what your relationship is like with your parents if you're an only child?

[thisusernameismine]

That's it really. Very interested in responses!

I always describe my relationship with my parents as having won the parent lottery

Have always been really close to them both, losing Dad three years ago devastated us but we are helping each other.

Mind skitters away from the idea of losing Mum too, but I've had the best life being an only! I'm 34, single and no intention of children, which they have also always been really good about.

47 only child both parents still alive and live nearby

See them every 2-3 wks

Very little contact

Not interested in their grandchildren

Not interested in me

All very sad ☹️

What about you op?

I am an only child. I adored my parents and miss them everyday. I was fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life.

Strained. I'm adopted too, which makes it more complicated. Mother very controlling/narcissistic. I have a decent relationship with my dad but he's always enabled my mother's behaviour.

My relationship with my parents was/is very close. We were very much a unit. Losing my Dad pushed me and my Mom closer together. She now has dementia so the parent/child relationship has reversed but I do as much as I can for her.

The reverse is true for a close family friend who has a son. Both his parents need help and support, and the son doesn't really want to know.

I’m not ‘technically’ an only child as I have one half-sibling from my mother, however he’s almost a decade older than me and had left home by the time was 9, so I’ve felt like an only-child in a lot of respects.

I’m very close to my parents and I struggle with the thought of them getting older and one day not being around massively. I really envy others who have a better network of siblings, or a sibling close in age to them, especially some of my friends who have close sisters.

I'm NC with my father but very close to my Mum. It was just the two of us after he had an affair and left when I was 9 (I had a great childhood though). Mum is amazing and is probably the person who knows me best and whose opinion I trust most in the world. She did so much for me and was my biggest support through school and then getting into and going through vet school etc. We were a great team.

We don't live in each other's pockets though, she brought me up to be very independent. I moved away from home (NI) for uni and have never gone back there to live since. I'm now in Canada but we message most days, speak a couple of times a week and see each other about twice a year. I miss her but I've lived a ferry ride/flight away for so long now that we're used to it.

I get on extremely well with my Stepdad too; he's been around since I was 11 although they didn't live together until after I went to university. They've always spoiled me a bit, and still do even now, but in a nice way - I spoil them a bit too now that I'm in a position to do so

My mum and I had a strained relationship which got worse before it got better (she was an alcoholic and it caused me much heartache.) We were very similar in personality (both as stubborn as an ox) and when we had a disagreement my dad would say it was like Ice Station Zebra in the house. Saying that, when she was sober she was the kindest, loveliest woman and we had really nice mother/daughter moments. It was hard to process that as a teen; how the woman who was so cruel to me when she'd had a drink, was the woman who scooped up and loved me when she was sober. I remember when I was about 14, had just broken up with my first love and was in bed crying. She came up with loads of treats, laid in bed with me and held me while I sobbed. Then put a film on and stayed in bed with me the whole night.
She died 2 years ago and I miss her every day

My dad and I have always been very, very close. He's the only person I truly trust in this world. He's never let me down, has always been there for me, tried really hard to help me with periods and stuff when my mum was drunk. He's amazing. I love him to bits.

@DDIJ do your children live with you?

Up until recently very good with both, probably better with my mum. They divorced years ago Dad is now in a care home several years into a progressive neurological disease and my Mum is struggling with the early signs of dementia, they both came to rely on but also resent me since I became more carer/problem fixer. I miss the old relationship I had with my parents but they are just not the same people anymore. And yes I do wish I had another sibling to share the load with.

Close. I'm 35, I speak to my parents every day for one reason or another. We have a joint WhatsApp group and I speak to them separately as well. Dinner once every couple of weeks and I've been on holiday with them 3-4 times in the last few years, I have a partner but no children.

Some people would say I'm spoiled because my parents help me out a lot, they take parcels for me, collect shopping but I don't expect and I would and do help them out in any way I can.

Very interestingly
The same answers would come out for sibling families.
Do you feel more alone though

I had a lot of issues, sometimes I felt like there was someone else to share with, and other times I felt like we were used against each other: so even worse in a way.

Aside from that, I am actually glad I wasn’t an only child. I’m not sure if id have survived alone.

@SinisterBumFacedCat - my mum has one sibling which refused to get involved in caring for their mother in her last years. I often wonder if it was worse for her to have someone who should have helped and didn't rather than knowing she was alone.

Well. I'm my mums mum. I keep a weather eye on her finances and keep tuned in with how she is. I love her, but I hated her for many many years. My mum and dad have never been the people I go to when I need help. They are to all intents and purposes reaping the rewards for things gone by. The kicker, it turns out I have a half sister. Found out when I was 20 ish. Still.... Decided to be child free to break the family patterns.

Recently I lost an in law and that has made me realise that I do need to be better at keeping in touch with them.

Pretty good. My mum has died. But fairly close knit family. And yes I behave like a 15 year old at home. But so does DH and he has a sibling (who also immediately reverts to the role of baby sibling as soon as the family is together!).

Very close. They didn't flood our home with "playdates" as they, quite rightly, didn't think I was missing out by not having siblings. Instead they let it be known that my friends were always welcome.

They encouraged me to be independent and I've travelled a lot and worked abroad. However, when I married I moved close to them as I wanted them to have a close relationship with my DC and they do. I'll be happy to help care for them if they need me to one day because I love them very much.

OP - why do you ask? What is this MN obsession with "only children"?

@DDIJ have you looked into getting therapy? Feeling apathy towards people you have close relationships with is often a symptom of depression

Very close to both. Spoilt by my dad and my mum is my best friend. I feel very lucky but sometimes lonely in the sense that nobody will ever love me like they do.

Only child here, in my late twenties. My mum is my best friend but i have to admit she absolutely spoils me... i love it! We are extremely close and always have been. Don’t have a good relationship with my dad due to how he treated my mum.

Wow thanks for all replies! Very interesting read.

I'm mum to an 18 month old little girl who I absolutely adore - she is my everything. I turn 40 very soon so been trying to decide whether we want a second.

It's probably a no but wanted to hear stories from grown up only children as I've been wondering about their relationships with their folks.

I've read so much on the one child families topic on MN and wanted to hear from only children themselves.

Thanks to you all and sorry to hear the difficult stories. Lovely to hear the positive ones of course.

X

I'm an only child and have great memories growing up. My mum was my best friend and we were very close.
I had an ok relationship with my dad but he didn't really do much with me. We argued a lot when I was a teen, felt like 3's a crowd and all that.

At 19 my life came crashing down and my lovely mum died suddenly. She was 42 and it broke my heart. My family was never the same again. I lost my dad as he couldn't cope and I made the decision to no longer see him. He became very dangerous and wasn't a father to me. My mums side and dad's crumbled and after 10 years don't really see any of them. I try to arrange things but they just don't bother, so have kind of given up. I miss my aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins etc... Had a lovely family when I was younger.

I often feel very lonely and often wish for a brother a simliar age to me so we could share memories.

My only blessing is that I met my husband at 17 and he's been here the whole time to support me through it all. I'm glad he knew my mum even if it was only for 2 years ish.

Very difficult. Dad walked out when I was a baby, Mum is hard work and makes me feel shit on a regular basis. I’m in counselling because of this (amongst other things).

My DD is an only child and I am taking active steps to avoid having the same relationship with her

OK. I was close out of necessity as a small child, pretty distant as a teenager, no contact with my mum for a couple years as a student, managed to keep talking to my very introverted dad even while my mum was batshit (part mentally ill, part plain bonkers and obnoxious).
As I hit my 30s, we managed to have a fairly formal sort of relationship, talking every couple weeks,meeting every couple months, as I'm their only family too.

Once I had dc, I mastered the ability of not taking any crap off my mum - I did tell her that if she didn't do as I said with my baby, she would never see him again (not feed a 3 month old on small chokable items, I think it was), and she and my dad have actually turned into decent grandparents. A day of mum's company is still my limit, though.

Things might have been very different if my mum's physical and mental illnesses and my dad's and my autism had been understood 40+ years ago,rather than everyone trying to fake 'normal' and getting stressed.