Confidence knocked - starting new job

[PeepeeDarling]

Started first job after being sahm for 4 years, only part time not really considered part of their team but I tried my best to be helpful make conversations.
I Always felt a little left out but assumed it’s becsuse I worked less hours and was at a different stage of life (I’ve got young dcs they all are not parents or kids grown up).
But since I handed in my notice I know see that obviously just did not like me.
the rest of the team completely ignored me, isolated me cut me out of conversations: they did not mention my new job no acknowledgement whatsoever apart from the manager. Then after a week or so 2 of them did mention the new job they were very critical of them the job and rude.
Last few weeks I’ve kept my head down and worked hard.
Finished yesterday sent round email wishing them all the best, my manager sent me a lovely card thanking me for my work. Nothing since and I can now see 4/7 of the team have all removed me off fb.
Feel really crappy now don’t know what I did wrong and now I’m scared of this happening in the new work.

Worked there nearly 2 years

That’s rubbish. Have you had an exit interview? I would certainly consider raising this then if so.

I suspect you did nothing wrong. They are probably just not nice, had some resentment that was never communicated to you or something quite different. But probably not personal.

However keep fb for your actual friends.

Yes Matilda going forward I will be very wary who I accept.
Got an exit interview form to fill in and my direct line manager- not responsible for the rest of that team - has encouraged me to be honest about how things panned out.
It’s just difficult I want to be excited for the new job (it’s beeb a passion on mine forever) but honestly feel so stressed by how this all ended. Which I know probably sounds daft but it’s a weird feeling.

Don't worry about them - don't even think about them. I left a job last summer that I was basically bullied out of by my new boss and two acolytes/PAs. They criticised and picked holes in everything I did, and my confidence went through the floor. I started a new job two months later, and saw it as a fresh start. I started fairly quietly and low key and then just gradually made work friends. I asked lots of questions, made sure I understood things and asked for clarification when I didn't. I've just passed my six month probation and they are really pleased with me. I defriended the two PAs who were also involved, and unlinked them on Linked in. Best thing I ever did. Leave and don't look back.

Delete the other three. Walk out with your head high and act like you couldn’t care less.

Thank you both I will try and look forward and not back. I need to try and let go. It nags wanting to know what their issue was but maybe I’ll never know.

Sometimes it can just be a playground clique type of mentality where you are in or you are out and it’s nothing to do with you.
If people get shitty when you leave it’s often to do with this sort of group mentality where you have gone and done something outside of the role they had allocated to you.

It’s an unhealthy dynamic rather than something you have done.

They are dicks OP. You are worth much more. Fuck 'em.

Doesn’t sound like you don’t have some beef with them if they all defriend you so quickly.

I wouldn’t worry about it, who cares.

A guy at work didn’t wish me well in my new job, doesn’t ask questions, ignores me. I’ve bought this up with my boss. Other guy said “there’s no issue”. Lol.

Im

Exactly Manchester but I’m clueless what I’ve actually done?! I’d love to know in case I have been inadvertently upsetting people don’t want to take that behaviour to a new job.

Please don't let these nasty people take the shine off your great new job, OP.

OP do not let them make you doubt yourself. That is how bullies operate. Be glad that you are out of there and look forward to starting your new job.

Sometimes work colleagues form a clique and anyone who isn’t in it isn’t given the time of day. It is NOT your fault or anything you have done wrong! It is on them for not being inclusive or friendly - their failing, not yours

I'm exactly in this position too - it's really awful when all you've done is be nice, friendly and helpful but for some shit reason, people treat you like crap :( sending hugs

Same to you birdy it’s bloody horrible hope you get out of your situation soon x

Thank you all for your msg have helped xx

It's pointless wasting your time and energy trying to work it all out. Some people are just not nice.

Be pleasant to everyone but remember you are there to work not make friends. Anything else is a bonus IMO.

They just weren't your people. Be honest: how much did you actually like them? Respect their opinions? Like the same things as them? Rate them as people..?

Probably not much. Maybe individually you liked a couple of them, but collectively, as a group, they were twats.

🤷🏻‍♀️

It won't happen in your new job. The fact the old team disparaged the new job PROVES CATEGORICALLY that the new people (doing your dream job) will be completely different. The two groups couldn't be more different. Therefore, the new group will absolutely love you and you'll fit in like you were born there.

(I know this for a fact, btw, from personal experience. I'm in a job now with "my people" and I'm blossoming. I'm 100% me at work, they love everything I'm good at, don't mind the stuff I'm rubbish at, and it's all boosted my self-confidence 35,000,000%. Before this I had moved to a new town and tried to meet friends but it had never worked out. I'd thought it was me; it wasn't.)

You mention that you worked p/t, could it be that the company got rid of a f/t worker and then took you on in their place? If this happened, it's quite possible that the other staff were pissed off that their friend had gone and been replaced by a part timer. Just a thought.

Wow Muvva you are so spot on. They were t really my type of people very negative and two faced environment but I tried to keep my chats lighthearted and not be drawn into all that.
The new job is completely different it’s not a traditional office type job, it’s proactive and involves mixing with lots of people and from what I’ve seen of the new team they are enthusiastic so I think (and hope!) you are right :)

Pembs it was a new position. I mentioned the part time as I think that was a possible factor in why I wasn’t seen as part of the team, there a lot less than others.

My last job was like that, it was a rolling contract but I was there 8 months. I just didn’t fit. Never happened before and hasn’t happened in my new place. I’m convinced they were the weird ones

I had similar in my last job. Some people were nice enough but a few were awful, condescending about my inexperience in that particular area (even though I had experience in different areas within the profession). It wore me down and my confidence was shot. I did get a leaving gift although it felt kind of out of obligation..I didn’t plan a leaving do because I doubted anyone would come. I think being part time can be a factor. Also some being are just vile and want to bring others down. I’ve been in my new job about 18 months now. It’s so much better. I still feel like something of an outsider as I’m part time but it’s not horrendous and my confidence is much improved. Good luck in your new job.

I started a part time job a couple of months ago, after 5 years as a sahm and I'm finding the same thing! I have been feeling a bit left out but I'm really not sure if it's in my head. They're all nice to me when they talk to me, but it's things like today one of my colleagues came back from the cafe next door with drinks for everyone except me. I heard one say "I'll give you the money when I go on my break", so they were paying for everything individually, but I did think it was a bit rude to not have asked me if I wanted anything. They keep forgetting to give me my break (I can't just take one, I work in a shop), I've realised that I'm generally given the worst tasks to do, I didn't notice that when I first started but I notice it now. Also the shop is usually very busy, and I keep being left alone to deal with hoardes of impatient customers which is quite stressful. Two colleagues in particular go for long chats or smoking breaks and I'm just left to deal with things.

I'm planning to look for a different job and as I've said I've only been there for two months. I'm friendly to everyone, work hard and I don't think I'm difficult to get along with, so don't really understand it. I think sometimes it's just how things are in a certain workplace, I wouldn't worry about it carrying over into your new job, just go in and have a fresh start and hopefully you'll have nicer colleagues.

I was once one of 7 civil servants working on a military base. None of the military personnel would talk to me because my husband was an officer. Apparently they thought I was “fit” though.

Weirdos! 😂

I worked in another civil service department (a very specialised secret squirrel one) where none of my old colleagues would talk to me after I went back post career break.

I’ve worked in some strange offices where I didn’t like anybody and nice offices where we had fun. My conclusion is that people are very odd indeed and work colleagues aren’t friends.