My partner keeps working away...

[Alexandra26]

My partner worked away this weekend just gone, all this week, he's agreed to work this coming Saturday, Sunday night and is working away next week as well.

He says he can't say no to working away because his boss basically says he either works away or he take annual leave. Yet he constantly tells me about his work friends who are working on jobs nearby (these other guys are single and have no kids).

He's just away so much and I feel like he's missing out on seeing our five month old son. He says he's sorry and tells me he'll make it up to me. I'm just finding it hard and I'm fed up of constantly being on my own.

I wouldn't mind too much but in the past he's admitted to me he finds it easier working away than being home. Which makes me feel awful like it must be really bad at home. I don't dump DS on him when he gets home infact I still take lead on getting him to bed and I usually make tea as well.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I know he probably can't help it and I'm just over tired and emotional.

What job does he do that takes him away at weekends?

He's an electrician

How many days a week is his contract?

38hours so he can say no but he can be so obsessed about money that he always agrees to extra.

We don't even need the money. We live pretty comfortably and anything extra just get out on to savings.

Right now I just want him home bonding with his DS and spending time with us!

@Alexandra26 sounds like he enjoys working away from home as it is his "me" time. He no doubt loves you and your baby but probably enjoys working away because he can be on his own.
Hope you're ok

It doesn't make sense that he can say no, but if he does say no, then he has to take it as leave?

It sounds like he doesn't want to be home. When do you see him?

My husband used to run his own business when our now teenage children were babies. He missed so much of them and I always felt like a single mum but without the financial perks. It wasn't even always work. Usually it was working, but then crept in his hobbies (plural!) so we always felt bottom of the pile. We barely saw him.

We now live abroad as I told him I couldn't live like a single mum anymore. We took a leap and he now works for a company where he doesn't need to do any extra work. He doesn't have friends always asking him to help him every spare hour and we have lots of family time.

The lesson he learned, now our children are older, is that no amount of money can ever buy back that time (cliche I know!). We've just had a surprise baby and he's so much more hands on now and now has a great bond with the older kids too. So it worked out well. But I do believe if we stayed in England and the way we were, we would not be together anymore.

Was he like this before you had dc? Is it dc that’s the problem?

He maybe isn’t into having a dc, with all the crying, sleepless nights, constant requirement to keep an eye on dc with no time to himself during those times etc.

You’ve gotten on with it when it comes to caring for dc. Gotten more practiced and confident. Perhaps he just can’t get the hang of it. Or doesn’t want to. Perhaps having a dc didn’t pan out like he thought it would, or he never wanted a child in the first place and either agreed to have one for you, or it was a surprise pregnancy.

Or worse isnt really into you and dc any more? Sorry OP but it looks like you need to talk with him. He wouldn’t avoid being home if he wanted to be there. He doesn’t want to be there. Why?

Some men find the whole baby thing really difficult. It's easier and less stressful for them to hide at work where they still understand the landscape. The massive change when baby comes along is too hard to handle.

Maybe have a chat with him and say that you're feeling like you could do with having him around more so you can learn about being a family together.

I'm not going to see him till Friday evening but god knows what time. It'll probably end up being late and he'll probably end up going straight to bed.

What’s in his contract, because if he’s not contracted to do weekends telling employees that they need to work weekends away or sacrifice annual leave is either illegal or a lie.

I don't doubt he doesn't love DS he happily hugs him and has actually started to read him bed tome stories and usually asks if he can put him to bed.

I'm just finding it hard because DS started to sleep through. Then out of the blue partner started working away loads and now DS is waking up loads in the night and I'm knackered and emotional which isn't helping things.

Hate to say it, but is he actually working?

Sounds like he's using as an excuse to stay out of the house.
Tell him you need more support and he needs to stop the unnecessary overtime and take jobs closer to home more. He's opting out of family life.

Maybe rather than getting annoyed (although I do understand your reasons why you feel that way) you could research other Electrician's jobs in your area (including pay and all t&cs) and hopefully you'll find lots of better paid opportunities for him that doesn't involve working away.

If you find there's not many jobs available - then it's better he works away sometimes than being on the dole.

It will get easier so don't get too resentful.