To cut contact completely with In laws

[Daffie19]

It's always been a difficult relationship with my in laws, they've never liked me, I've never been good enough for My OH.
Even my mil told me this, landed on my feet And not good enough for her son.
That was nye a few years ago, 8 weeks later we were announcing a pregnancy, and things have been OK since, but I know that's because of DS.

Not to blow my own trumpet, but I've a good job, I'm a nice girl... Could understand it if I was awful!

Anyway, this Xmas was a big falling out, bil got the hump because Xmas didn't go his way. My OH was poorly and admitted to hospital with his chronic condition, I encouraged him to call his family, they turned up drunk causing trouble.
I got the blame for him being in hospital, awful things were said about me / to me / behind my back.

We hadn't spoke since January.
Bil wanted OH to go round with his mum and dad the other day, he didn't go.
Phone call the next day to say they were pregnant.
When OH questioned why I wasnt involved / included in this big news, the response was he only wanted 'his' family to know.

AIBU to be a bit hurt that I'm not considered family after 7 years and a baby with OH?

Text mil today saying I was hurt and quite clear I wasn't apart of OH family after all this time... No reply. Says it all.

I think it depends how far along in the pregnancy your SIL is. My DS knew I was pregnant at 5 weeks, but I didn't tell BIL (her husband) until after 12 week scan.

Toxic indeed they are and I'm relieved yes that I no longer have to make an effort!
Mil (and yes using these abbreviations for convenience, we aren't married, but I don't think that should make a difference in the way they treat me, nor do I think if we got married tomorrow it would change)...
When I'm not there, mil will say to my DS 'oh at least you love me, your daddy doesn't love nanna anymore'

Hate that! She's using our son to get at OH and me.
She would never do it in front of me because she knows I would Pull her up on it.

@daftodil she's 11 weeks when they announced to everyone in OH family.

OP, you need to keep your child away from those horrible people. They’re going to drip poison into your child’s ear and try to turn him against you. Why would you permit other to do that? You need to protect your child, before they flick him up.

*fuck. My autocorrect is very polite this morning. 😁

Just disengage completely and tell your OH that unless he promises never to leave the children alone with ILs on any visits, you are not happy for them to go. It is parental alienation to drip these things in their ears and damaging to the children.

I wouldn't make any grand announcement as I always think that's a bit melodramatic. As another poster said though, I would probably be "seeing family" for the next 100 years, and I'd make 0 effort to acknowledge the birth of BIL's child.

And if she used my son as a pawn in her little games of emotional blackmail, he wouldn't be going to see her. I would make that part very clear.

Absolutely what PP's have said; disengage from the whole thing. Don't text, visit or call. Let your DH go over if he'd like to, but don't send cards or gifts, don't acknowledge their existence. It kills people like that when you walk away from their nonsense.

And yes, if they ever speak out of turn to your DS about you, protect him too. If they're happy to belittle and slate you to him, keep him away. He needs people around him who'll bring the good.

Even though what you're all saying, I know is true.
Why do I still feel guilty about it?
Just too sensitive... As bil calls me.
🙄

I am confused... your going NC, your DH family are toxic and when your MIL is with your DS she makes derogatory comments about his father. And your happy for contact between your DS and his family to continue? Really

I am afraid that you are your ohs family. He CHOSE you. Ohs family have you included as a consequence. Many would then deem you equal and family members, but noone else has to.

May not be nice, but is how it is for some.

If you weren't attached to their son you wouldn't have anything to do with them would you? OH sounds like he'd completely understand you disengaging from them so do it.

Always say to people to remember YOU are important too, and your mental health is important. You don't need this crap in your life - if they bitch about you or OH let them howl into the void all they like, you no longer listen and refuse to hear about them. If they tell folk you turned OH against them, let them. If morons want to believe them let them.

If they are treating your DS' parents badly then don't let him see them. I guarantee your DS worships his parents and doesn't deserve to be exposed to their awful snide or blatant abuse of them, he deserves to be protected from it - you all do.

'blood is thicker than water'... 'yeah so is shit, what's your point?'

'blood is thicker than water'

Indeed and DS is your blood. MIL isn't even water, she's piss.

Yeah the 'blood is thicker than water' phrase only ever seems to get trotted out by folk wanting you to overlook awful behaviour from family which you wouldn't excuse from anyone else! It's too often abused as a guilt trip instead of a nice way of saying family should love and look after each other.

It's really not your fault. If they can't help being horrible twats, they've shown they're not worth the effort at all.

Get rid and as soon as, my toxic family I ditched 13 years ago, before I married my second husband, best thing I ever did. Life’s too short to have nasty comments from drunken idiots.

I wouldn’t encourage ds to spend time with them, it would only be when your oh insisted. I also wouldn’t reassure her you’d never stop oh and your ds from seeing her. Because she doesn’t deserve any reassurance from you and you do need to limit the time your son spends with her. This easter I suggest they don’t see your son. Block her on your phone so you are out of the conversation. Support your dh but don’t actively encourage him to make contact, that’s not actually supportive.

Text mil today saying I was hurt and quite clear I wasn't apart of OH family after all this time... No reply. Says it all.

Surely the fact they turned up drunk to your husband's hospital bed, created a scene, called you names and haven't spoken to you in months (every cloud) is indication enough that they don't consider you part of the family?

I would keep the radio silence/no contact going for as long as possible in your situation. Sounds like bliss.

We are NC with both my dad/brother and DPs parents/siblings.

It is BLISS. No toxicity, no stress, just us two living the best life we can.

They are too awful to be around OP, yet you feel your child should have contact? Why?

I honestly can't understand the lure of absolutely horrible people.

The overwhelming majority of people who go NC with awful family or friends, cite great peace and relief...try it👍