Reasonable force in primary school

[Sweetpea4]

I am new to this so please bear with me.
My 10yr old son came home from school yesterday and said he hadn't had a good day.I asked why and he told me that a TA had heard him and another boy laughing in the toilets so she went in to see what was going on.There was soap on the floor, which my son swears was there when he went in, but the TA called them both liars when they said they hadn't done it.
She told both boys to follow her back to class,which they did,but she stopped and grabbed both boys by the shoulders and marched them to the classroom then pushed them both into the room.
I questioned my son about the incident and got him to show me exactly what she did.
I phoned the school and got no answer so I went up.Unfortunatly I bummed into the TA involved and I told her never to touch my son again(I wasn't nice as by this time I was raging)I spoke to the deputy head and I was told that all involved would be spoken to today.Do you think I have done the right thing as what my son has told me I don't think it justifies her putting her hands on him

Vile parents .

Yabu, but once you've calmed down, talk to the school and get the other side of the story. I'm sure it's a storm in a tea cup and will blow over.

Oh dear. You need to go in calmly and hear the other side of the story. Then you need to be prepared to apologise to the TA.

This is why the world is full of kids with no discipline

Sadly, yes - worrying too that 17% of the voters seem to feel OP's NBU

It may be absolutely right to question the school about what happened, but there are ways of doing it and for me this isn't it. What's the point anyway, when all it'll have done is mark out OP as "one of those parents"?

The way to deal with any incident like this is to ask "what happened today."

You need to apologise first for your "raging" before any meeting with the school about the incident.

But toilets are off limits to staff, boys especially because they have one long urinal and no privacy of a cubicle door. They should, note the word, should, only enter if they are concerned about child safety. In this case with soap all over the floor, that is a safety issue and worse considering the number of "hygiene" checks that have to be carried out as a result of Covid19. Staff must ensure that all toilets are stocked all the time with soap, as children tend to not realise the importance of soap in a toilet.

Children also believe that because you cannot see them, you cannot hear them.

Yabu to assume that your son is telling the truth 100%. I would hazard a guess that parts are true and other parts are downplayed/exaggerated to put him in the best light.

Yabvu not to listen to the TA'S version of events before assuming she assaulted the boys.

Not all primary schhol loos have urinals.

Ours didn't

The TA will be paid fuck all to look after your kids.

At worst she was overly handsy and needs a chat about better ways to handle that situation- she did nothing harmful to him.

She does not deserve abusive behaviour just for doing her job.

Yabu to assume that your son is telling the truth 100%.

I'm constantly stunned by these parents who insist 'my child never lies'. It's a normal part of development, how anyone who has ever met a child can think this is beyond me.

I don't think you should bum anybody in public

I don’t understand why on MN leading a child by the shoulder or by the elbow or something is referred to as ‘laid hands on him’.

Your son was messing around, if one of my sons had come home to tell me this I would have told him next time to stop messing around and he wouldn’t get told off.

Why were you raging?

You being that parent only means you lost all credibility and you sound completely unreasonable.

This is why lots of schools do not allow pupils to go to the toilet during lessons.

Then you get parents moaning.

It's because of parents like you she schools have security measures in place and guards at the gates making sure parents don't just turn up to abuse staff.

Teachers here all this from certain children it’s no surprise when thy meet the parents.

YABVU

You sound like a nightmare.

You acknowledge that you lost your temper and confronted the TA, maybe you should afford the TA some empathy. It is easy for all of us to lose our tempers and do something that in hindsight wasn't great.

Staff in schools can use physical force for the following reasons:
-risk of danger to self
-risk of danger to others (adults and children)
-risk of damage to property
-the maintenance of good order.

Any physical intervention has to be proportionate, reasonable and necessary and should use the minimal amount of force required to effect compliance.

Staff do not need to have received any specific training in physical handling and may be in neglect of their duties if the child is at risk and they don't intervene.

It sounds like the member of staff (if it did happen as described) did no more than use 'control' to enforce order and I wouldn't describe what happened (if as described) as 'restraint'. Whilst this may seem out of proportion to you, your child's version of events may not be wholly accurate.
Schools are supposed to maintain a record of physical interventions and if the situation is as you describe, the TA may have recorded the intervention in this record.

So two 10 year olds were meekly following the TA down the corridor, but for some unaccountable reason she decided that this wasn't good enough so she then turned, somehow got behind both, took both by the shoulders and pushed them both at the same time through into the classroom ( presumably through a wide open door as she didn't have a free hand to open it!)
Yeh, right!

Thank you all for your input.I have been in this evening for a meeting.My son was telling the truth and the TA has apologised.I have also apologised for the way I acted as i was totally out of order for the way I spoke to her.All my children know that there are consequences for bad choices and if they do wrong they will be punished.I have never acted like that at any school and I am ashamed of myself for doing so.Out of all 4 of my children my 10 year old is the only one who is brutally honest.If he does wrong he takes the punishment without any back chat.The worst thing he has ever done at school is be a bit too chatty and is well liked by all his piers.Fortunately i am known at the school so they know the way I acted was out of character.
I am not one of those parents who think my kids never do wrong but consequences should fit the actions.My son was not hurt by her and in no way was he assaulted but the TA admitted that she overreacted to the situation as did I.Handshakes and apologies from both of us