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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner & I split

17 replies

giadak · 12/03/2020 00:00

Hi all,

I was wondering if I could get your help/advice. My partner and I have lived together for 4 years. We have mutually decided to part ways and that I am to remain living where we currently live. We are both renting the place we live in, although I pay the vast majority of the bills/rent as I earn more.

His plan is to buy a place and move in said place. Fine by me. However, he's not exactly actively looking and has been to zero viewings. I was happy for him to stay here until he'd found a place. His name is on the tenancy agreement, but all the bills are in my name. (His name is on the tenancy agreement and council tax bill - that's al)l. I also pay the council tax bill myself in full every April - which is when the 10/12 council tax months start.

However, living together whilst being broken up is proving to be difficult at times. I travel a lot for work and am not really in London full time.

He's started paying for very little - less than he already was - and says this is because he's trying to save money so he can get a better mortgage rate - and that since I earn that much more than him, it shouldn't make a difference to me. I was fine with our previous arrangement as it was largely proportional to our earnings.

I said this new arrangement wasn't feasible and he needed to find a new place ASAP. He said he didn't want to move/pay obscene London rent whilst saving for a mortgage, but we all have outgoings in life - whether rent or a mortgage...?

He then suggested the idea that I rent a separate place for him - and pay for it myself since 'he is the one who will be inconvenienced' as I'm the one that wants him out ASAP and I am the one who earns much more.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before? What do I do? Please be nice as I'm genuinely at a total loss.

OP posts:

redwinefine · 12/03/2020 00:03

You laugh in his face and tell him to jog on. You owe him absolutely nothing and the sooner you are rid of this leech the better. You're the one paying his way essentially so why would he want to move out?

CyberNan · 12/03/2020 00:04

kick him out and tell him to grow the fuck up and start taking care of himself..

nestisflown · 12/03/2020 00:09

If he's on the tenancy too then now you're no longer in a relationship, he should be paying half of all bills and rent. Why are you still paying the larger proportion? You're just encouraging him to stay as long as he likes by your actions as there's no benefit to him in leaving. He's still getting all of the financial benefit of being in a relationship. Youu need to nip this in the bid now.

Socalm · 12/03/2020 00:09

When does the tenancy agreement end? If it's ongoing, maybe arrange to get it shifted to your name only? Then you can evict him.

nestisflown · 12/03/2020 00:10

Is there an option to end the tenancy agreement early?

If so I would exercise that but speak to your LL to ask them to create a new tenancy for just you. Or find another place

Original poster

giadak · 12/03/2020 00:12

He is indeed still on the tenancy agreement. I have just informed my landlord yesterday that I intend be the only one staying. Whereas my ex sees no reason to change the outgoings/bills etc.. now that circumstances have changed.

(The tenancy agreement is ongoing/month by month).

I really don't want to move as I am very close to my neighbours (I look after their child some days) and I've lived here longer than he has. However, I know he can't afford the full rent himself if I were to move out. Otherwise, I'd just leave.

OP posts:

Original poster

giadak · 12/03/2020 00:13

I think I may be forced to move. He's got me over a barrel and this BS about 'hoping/planning to buy a place' clearly is in vain.

OP posts:

tableanadchairs · 12/03/2020 00:17

Could you end the tenancy and if he is not willing to take it over you will both have to move out.
In the meantime can you ask the landlord to set up a new tenancy in your name and not let him know.

nestisflown · 12/03/2020 00:17

If it's month by month then give notice and ask your landlord if you can renew just you. Seems strange you haven't already done that

Northernwarrior · 12/03/2020 00:21

Why would you be paying for your now flat mate. It doesn’t matter if you earn more you are no longer in a relationship. He pays half or moves out. Tell the landlord he either evicts him or you will only pay half the rent and he will owe the other half and landlord will have to chase. Or landlord can have full rent from you no problem, his choice.

Zombiemum1946 · 12/03/2020 00:24

Get him off the lease. Pack his bags, put them outside, then change the locks with landlords consent.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 12/03/2020 00:40

If you are not there a lot and the only thing making you want to stay is your neighbours, then you need to balance your wellbeing with the decision whether to stay or go and his continued presence.
You could move. You could stay but either he pays his way or one of you leaves.
His financial woes are not your problem. Whilst he lives there as a flatmate and you cover the bills, he has no incentive to go. He is a cf if he thinks you owe him anything let alone renting him a place!
At the end of this month, the council tax bill is due. You can get a 25% reduction if you live alone.
Twat chops could always house share.

Notimeforaname · 12/03/2020 00:41

Definitely what Northernwarrior said

Notimeforaname · 12/03/2020 00:46

How long ago did you split OP?

Original poster

giadak · 12/03/2020 05:36

I've already asked the landlord to take him off the lease/agreement. Am just waiting on a response from my landlord as it was only a day or two ago.

We split in January and whilst it was an amicable split, it doesn't mean he gets to live here rent/bills free and save his money/watch his bank balance grow as a result.

FYI, he has no financial woes. He has more money (in both a current and savings account) than most people would see in a lifetime, so he's not in a desperate situation by any means. He's just wanting a bigger chunk of money to save in order to get a better/bigger deposit.

His logic is that because I'm the higher earner, I surely wouldn't mind/notice the difference - and since I can afford the place solo anyway, it would/should make no difference to me.

However, it just makes me resent him - and the fact that he's happy as a young, healthy, able and fit man to have me take care of him has made me lose all respect for him - and just want him out of what is essentially 'my' place now.

OP posts:

nestisflown · 12/03/2020 06:35

I understand that everything is still raw emotionally but you need to try detach. You're no longer in a relationship. It doesn't matter whether you respect him or not. He should be paying 50% of all rent and bills until he moves out or the lease is up, as the previous arrangement was only because you were in a relationship.

Please make sure you only transfer 50% of the rent to the landlord this month. Contact the bill companies to put his name on all the bills. He's taking the piss and you're giving him too much leeway due to the feelings you still have for him. But he is not your responsibility in any way, shape or form. He's simply your housemate who is joint and severally liable for 100% of the rent and bills the same as you are.

You, therefore, need to start treating him as such and explain to him: " I kept the previous arrangement because I am a kind person and felt sympathetic to you, but since you are determined to take the piss, please transfer X amount to me by X date to cover 50% of the bills- and pay the landlord your 50% share of the rent by the due date. I've already explained the situation to the landlord and have served notice on this lease which runs out in X month(s). You're saving for a mortgage is not my responsibility- we are not in a relationship and the only legal link we have is this tenancy for which you joint and severally liable for the bills and rent. "

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/03/2020 06:47

You need to get very tough here
He is being very very unreasonable indeed

He has shit
Loads of savings he should be moving out tomorrow

But no ! He is making you back roll him

So this isn’t an amicable split as he is
Bullying you into paying for him

I would forget the amicable bit , it’s not
Save your money and get him out

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