Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me?

[samb80]

I'm just wondering how many bad relationships has people got into even though they thought they'd never do it again?
For example I was in an awful 15 year relationship with a narcissist/ manipulative alcoholic which I promised I would never put myself through again. Cue a year later I spent four months in a relationship wondering why it didn't feel right, for the penny to drop - narcissistic / manipulative behaviour. I couldn't believe I had done it again, ok I've clearly got a bit quicker at working it out but why did I go against ALL my instincts. It's so frustrating when you always try to see the good in people.

Don't be hard on yourself. Learning is a continuous process not just 'lesson learnt' tick.

You spotted it MUCH sooner so you've learnt from your previous experience. Next time you might spot it even earlier and head it off before a relationship can develop. Give yourself a break

Hell no nothing is shame on you. Once the penny dropped you got rid, good on you OP. No one is gonna be able to fool you again now you've got it figured out.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, narcissists hide their flaws well. I've been in a relationship with one and a SIL to another and it was months before I saw the red flags on both occasions. You clearly saw the warning signs much sooner second time around and like @Fespital said you'll be far more tuned in if you ever encounter someone like that again.

I wonder this too.

What scares me is I really really liked him - he was the complete opposite of my ex in every way possible. I saw the red flags but chose to ignore them.
Unfortunately these men don't come with warning signs (would be massively helpful if they did!) you actually have to invest time in someone and then you realise which is quite draining.
I'm reluctant to venture back into the dating pool.