Am I making a rod for my own back?

[poppymatilda]

DD is 16 mths.

Was an awesome sleeper as a newborn (slept 7-7 from 8 weeks with just one wake at 3am to have a feed - took 10 minutes and went straight back down).

From 5-6 mths she regressed badly and for several months we grappled with multiple wake ups. It didn't help that I also went back to work then, she started nursery, she was ill numerous times, got her first teeth etc etc. It felt like every time we got onto a decent stretch something came along and wrecked it.

Since about 11 mths she has done much better and been sleeping through quite regularly only really waking if she's unwell, teething etc.

This last month she has been poorly. First tonsilitis, then chest infection, then a couple of eye infections. Basically the whole of Feb was her having one bout of fever after the other. During all of this she slept very badly. It's been rough with both of us working full time and having to collect her from nursery whenever she has a fever.

The last week or so she seems to be finally on the mend. Trouble is her sleep isn't! The latest thing is that she wakes somewhere around 2-3am and is just wide awake and won't settle. She cries if I put her in her cot so I hold her in the chair in the nursery in the dark and I can just seen these two little eyes looking up at me!

DH has been working away the last few days so last night I finally caved and put her in bed with me (for the first time ever!) She slept there from about 4am until 7 this morning. Is this a really bad thing to start? Will her sleep just recover on its own in the end? Like everything else I presume this is a phase. I've noticed she is also suddenly having a clingy phase too which is very out of character - she's never been a cuddly baby before.

Anyone had a similar experience?

You haven't really started it -you've just done it once out of desperation. I wouldn't do it on a regular basis or you might live to regret it but probably other people will be along and say it worked for them.

Good luck - it's horrible having a rubbish sleeper. It DOES get easier, you just need to weather the storm. I had one brilliant sleeper (first DC) followed by a horrible sleeper and eventually she just sorted herself out. I didn't have her in with us because I could never sleep comfortably with her in there but I probably would have done had it made a sod of difference.

She's 9 now and an absolute, unbridled joy. She still wakes up at 6am though! (The difference is that she can lie in bed and read and doesn't disturb me).

Co-sleeping saved my sanity. My DS has always woken multiple times through the night (at one hellish stage as bad as sleep 50 minutes, awake for 15, sleep 50, awake for 15 all night!!) but co-sleeping not only does he he sleep better and longer stretches but it's so easy to pop his dummy back in as soon as he wakes up and he's asleep again in seconds.

As long as you co-sleep the safe recommended way I highly recommend keep doing it as long as you need to!

Sounds like a combination of the disturbed sleep & sleep regression.

DS did this (he's 21mths now) & still does occasionally. He'll wake for a few hours & refuses to go back to sleep. DH usually takes him - either stays in his room in the dark or if DS is being very loud, downstairs & reads books with him in low light. Usually it lasts for a couple of hours & DH can get him back to bed.
I'd say generally that pattern would last a few days & then stop.

Co-sleeping is the reason we all survived DS2's infancy. He was an absolute bugger for night waking and I ended up putting him into our bed out of sheer desperation. He's 9 now and hasn't slept in our bed for years and years; he's a great little sleeper, he just needed more of us for a while.

I wouldn't question it; if it works and you manage enough sleep to function properly, do it.

I bring my 17 month old in bed when she is ill, its the only way we get any sleep. When she's not unwell she goes down in the crib without any fuss - so far it is working OK for us. The longest spell of co-sleeping was around 2 weeks long, and then once she was better she seemed happy to return.

you'll be fine, hard not to listen to the naysayers but if you can do that that would be best

Thanks all for your reassuring kind comments. Sounds awful to say because I love DD dearly but it sometimes feels like the 16 mths have been hard work with one challenge after another. Motherhood has definitely not come easy to me and I can't understand these people who say it's all magical and wonderful - do they just have miracle sleepers?

Poppy I think they’re lying, medicated or have help.
You do whatever you need to do to survive the early months. She’s just little.

I think it depends how you go moving forwards. We had a period where DD was ill so slept in with us from 2/3ish till wake up. Sometimes she will just be with me from her bedtime if she’s really poorly with a cough. I haven’t found this affects her normal sleep and actually shows her that she is allowed in our bed if she needs it which means actually she doesn’t really want to be in our bed if that makes sense. She is 4 now but we have done this same thing for a few years

At around that age we were struggling with DD just being wide awake and the only way I could manage with the fact that I was working was to let her come into our bed. I didn’t want her to and struggled with it but once I accepted that this was how things were I found that she relaxed a bit and within a month she was back into her own bed with only the odd night in ours.

My son went through this at about 14 months...hours and hours of awake time in the middle of the night. I brought my duvet and pillows and slept on the rug next to his cot. He could see and hear me and knew he wasn't alone. If he needed a cuddle I could be there for him...but he didn't get used to coming into my bed or anything different. Also, once he actually did go off to sleep I then crept out of his room (if I was still awake!) And got a couple of hours in my own bed. Suddenly at 18 months he started sleeping through and has done consistently since then. (He's almost 3 now).
Just do whatever you can to get you through the rough patches. It won't be forever.

@Wolfiefan Thank you, feel like a waste of space at the moment so that's made me feel better

You’re so not. You’re raising a human. That’s bloody hard work. You want to do your best. That’s impossible without sleep. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

You’re not making a rod for your back. Even if this went on for aaaaaages (by your choice) it wouldn’t be for ever. I coslept with DD until she was over the age of 2 because she had sleep apnoea and couldn’t be left unsupervised because she’d stop breathing. At the time I did have the thought at the back of my mind that it would be a huge problem to break this habit after she’d had her surgery and could sleep alone. It really wasn’t. I did absolutely everything you think you shouldn’t do out of necessity. But you can always change habits, gently and calmly when you need to, no matter how long that habit has been going on. So do it as long as it’s best for you, and then when you’re ready to make a change (not when you think you Should. When it’s the best thing for you), then you make that change in a way that suits you. There’s no need for crying and misery, you just find the right approach for your family at the time that is best for you. Don’t let anyone tell you that doing what you need to do to get a good night’s sleep is going to ruin/spoil your child.

Do whatever it takes to get through the day, surround yourself with people who are kind to you and don’t judge others.
As parents we are all trying out best, right?

Thanks guys, your kindness on here has made me a bit weapy!

Honestly don't sweat it. There's no right or wrong way of doing things. I'd say go with what you instinctively want to do. I've had 3 children now. The first one slept in his own cot but I was up multiple times a night resettling him and breast feeding him in a chair. I decided I wasn't doing that with my second so he co slept most of the time then eventually he went into his own bed. With my third DC I had the idea of just putting my mattress directly on the floor and co sleeping again. This has been the best solution for me by far. I'm not worried about Him falling off the bed and it's so easy to change a nappy in the night or breastfeed him without worrying about him falling off. He's 18 months now by the way. He sleeps really well this way.

We co-sleep and have done since dd was 5 months old and had a horrible cold. She's 2 now and she is a fantastic sleeper. It won't be forever and I couldn't give one shiny shit about the opinions of people who aggressively don't want to co-sleep (and I have met those people and I just laughed and continue to laugh at them ) - you do what's best for your family and I'll do what's best for mine and that way we're all happy!

I have a son the same age (16 months) and he wakes up some nights upset at around 11 and appears wide awake so we bring him downstairs. We make sure he's ok (temperature is normal, not teething or otherwise ill) and once we are happy he is ok we put him back into his own bed. He cries as we lie him down and cries when we leave the room but I sit outside the door and wait for 3 minutes. By the end of the first minute of crying (feels much longer!!) he starts quietening down and within 2 minutes he's asleep. The last minute I just wait to check he's definitely asleep. He's never cried longer than 2 minutes before sleeping and it happens once a week to once a fortnight.

Although it's not everyone's preferred method of settling during night wake ups, I think it's important for him to know we are there if he's poorly or sad but if he's ok then night time is for sleeping.... his sleep is important for the whole family not just him!

Side note - he's not an over cuddly boy so every time we've tried to get him to settle in our bed it makes the situation even worse!! I probably wouldn't have discovered doing this if he would happily sleep in our bed!

I co slept with every one of my kids for various lengths of time. It was the only way I could - post first baby - keep the child quiet enough not to wake the entire family. It's bad having one child awake, having all five awake at three a m was more than I could cope with.

Rest assured that not many children are still sleeping with their parents once they go to school.

Christ op, never ever feel bad about doing what you have to do to get through.

My boy is 2 and a half nearly. I have been through every exhausting stage, rocking him for hours, sleep training, going in and out of his room 50 times a night, even now I have to sit on his bedroom floor till he's asleep every night and then he will often come in with me when he wakes at 2am or whatever.

I do these things because it stops my son from being distressed, which in turn helps me to stay calm. I've never left him to cry and that's my choice. My theory is he won't still be doing this when he's 14 years old so for now I'm just riding the wave until it passes and he's comfortable to sleep independently.

It's so tough. You have all my sympathy!!!