To ask what you do with your tweens?

[Funkyslippers]

DD2 is nearly 11. She would be on her tablet all day if I'd let her. I like to spend time with her but this morning she said "none of my friends' parents play with them, why can't you just let me have some freedom?" She has plenty of freedom btw. I tend to suggest playing a game/arts & crafts or sometimes we still play with the Barbies(!). Not all the time - maybe an hour a day. But it seems she's telling me to back off. What do you all do with kids of a similar age?

Sorry no need to vote!

I'm really interested in the answers here. My DD is 12. We really only seem to connect by accident these days 🙁.

Mine plays with her sister (close in age) - Lego, paper (cutting up & colouring paper into cards or games or school role play), or “toys” (which means role playing with a cast of about 40 soft toys). She codes little games on Scratch. Reads. Plays on the Xbox - Slime Rancher is this week’s obsession. Watches The Investigators on Netflix. Has started loving showers lately.

I don’t play with her, really. That’s kind of why I had her little sister - I’m not really into playing! I chat with her as much as I can - we’re a chatting family.

Sorry, I clicked by mistake and it won't let me change it. I don't have children myself but my friends kids are the same. They don't really play anymore and seem to have gone into the teen phase/garbo early as they all want to be alone. She struggles as no one seems to do play date things now they are all older and never go out unless it is to hang around in the park, which my friend doesn't especially like.

Friends have different approaches, they bribe them to go out by paying for cinema or cake or shopping. One of them made their son pick three activities and leaves him to do as he pleases at home as their relationship was damaged from constantly arguing. Another buys crafting kits to do together but her daughter wants to do them alone. It is tough.

Watching with interest.

My ds would happily sit on his phone all day. It's very difficult to get him to do anything else if he's at home.

We've had some success with colouring books which surprised me...I managed to find one online aimed at older boys/teens which he seems to like.

Play Xbox. Which I'm terrible at. Watch films. Cooking. Swimming. Crazy golf. And food usually sparks their interest here 😀

Oh she absolutely does not want freedom. She 100% would like to cuddle & chat with me & then bounce off back to her coding.

I do have to prompt her to play with her sister (who almost weeps with happiness when asked to play), but she will usually trot off quite willingly.

Her little sister is going to be much more independent at that age, I suspect. She is more feisty and private already.

My DC are older now but things that worked for me
Shopping
Swimming
Badminton/tennis
Mini/crazy golf
Eating out or coffee/drinks
Baking/cooking/making sweets

A bit different as my 10 year old has special needs but we play board games, do just dance and other switch games, she does lots of activities out of school so she does some activities with me that are related to them, she got a foot spa for Christmas and likes me to paint her toe nails every week.
She plays an instrument and has help from me to practice that.
We cook together once a week as she loves baking but also do household jobs together sometimes eg cleaning windows etc. as this is a good time to talk.
She gets a science magazine which we do experiments from together.
I try to read to/with her every day too but that doesn’t always happen due to other things getting in the way. I think I’d try to do most of these things with a 12 year old too, or at least be involved.

Camping might be a good way to reconnect or a weekend away somewhere with an agreement to have no tablet time!

I occasionally send her pictures of me gurning. Especially if she is sat right next to me. Works a treat.

Lots of sports... some I take them to, some we do together. Reading, word puzzles, making playlists.

Mine are nearly 10 and 12. Definitely the time spent together has reduced considerably as they like reading, playing on the console, and in the case of the older one chatting with friends on the phone.
I read to them most days still, unless they are back late from Scouts or whatever. We are currently reading an Agatha Christie and Howls Moving Castle. We watch some TV together - Bake Off, Dr Who, Greatest Dancer etc. DH goes cycling with them (I can’t keep up!). We go out - sometimes it is me taking them, they do their thing and I read or whatever - eg trampolining. Other times I join them - roller skating, zoo, walks along the beach or in the woods (they have to be co-erced), crazy golf. We play board games - Pandemic, Catan, Fluxx, Carcassone. And we just hang out, they still like having a cuddle and silly chat.

My 11 year old has one day a week free time for her to do as she wants and 2 days of sport so 2 days for us in the week to cook , read, chat, calligraphy coffee (decaf) out. Anything I can think of to spend time with her after school. We have busy weekends too. She is happy she gets a day on the one day even if it means her putting her pjs on and watching Netflix in bed.

DC are late teens now but at that age, we started to do more grown up things together - shopping for clothes is a good one. Cooking together. Mine would do sport or fitness challenges with me (and they are the least sporty teens ever) We challenged each other to swim a mile and joined the local swimathon to build up to it. We climbed a mountain, did a 10 mile hike etc.
I found at that age they are really interested in their own transition into teen/adult. Going out on walks, they would chat if I played games/asked questions like: If you had a million pounds and you had to spend it all on yourself, what would you spend it on. Then ask the same about spending it exclusively on other people. Same with questions about dream job, dream life, dream self-designed home, places they'd love to travel, pets they'd love to own, super-talents and powers etc.

We'd sometimes go for a walk in the woods and end up at a cafe for breakfast. I also started taking them to gigs they wanted to go to but were too young to attend alone.

It is a difficult time for them and us as everyone adjusts to the fact they are not children anymore.

Because it's just me and DD, DD doesn't have much choice about interacting with me. We chat a fair amount - we don't have a car, so we'll stroll into town together and talk as we go. We might have a poke around the charity shops. If funds allow, we'll do swimming/cinema/lunch out - she loves Thai and there are some good set price lunch deals near us.

We have a few series on Netflix that we watch together (Gilmore Girls at the moment).

I've a friend who has a DD the same age, and we'll often do something together, even if it's just watching a film and having hot chocolate and biscuits in one of our houses. When the weather is better, we might all go to the local park and play table-tennis - DD will resist if it's just me, but agree if a friend can come too. The same with board games - she won't agree if it's just her and me, but she will join in if we're with extended family and everyone is playing.

We also had pizza & film nights, and we picked suitable comedy series to watch together, like Parks & Rec (which has hundreds of episodes.)

Just to add, what seems to work is rather than saying “Let’s play now!” just being responsive when they are wanting to interact. Often when I have time free and are all up for playing a board game they don’t want to, then when I am reading or on my iPad or washing up, that’s when they want to hang out and cuddle and chat, but I try to put down what I am doing especially if it is a screen, or carry on but give them attention if it is something like washing up. Then they will chat and be playful, but if I suggest something formal “do you want to play something?” - they don’t really want to, they just want to be with me.

Are you concerned about her lack of variety/excess of screen time, or about lack of interaction with you?

If it's the former, the only way round that is to have a formal limit on screen time (she'll probably whine and sulk but she'll eventually do something else).

If the latter: hmmm.... I don't remember doing very much with my mother at that age. Actually that's not true, I remember sitting preparing apples for stewing . Oh, and we used to play cards or Scrabble as a family every couple of weeks (largeish family, no tv). And twelve would have been when the school had a community orchestra where we sat next to each other. And I would join in the easier clues on my parents' Sunday crossword...

Ok, I lied. We did quite a lot together. BUT in terms of playing and reading and crafting and my activities, it was very much something I did without her. If you want to do things together, you need to get something she wouldn't necessarily do herself. Like helping with housework.

Do you sit down all together to eat dinner?

Do you have an Apple Store near you? Last weekend I took my 3 dds (12,11,9) to a free workshop on animation. So still involving screens but interactive at least !

We also did a 1000 piece puzzle together recently which was a success

As pps have said cooking is a hit.
They also seem keen to learn how to do things around the house ( win win!)

we walk out dogs, watch tv, cook and do a sport together

also we text a lot

Oh forgot to add my ds loves playing uno

Oh she LOVES games - Unstable Unicorns, Takenoko, Telestrations, rummy, Scrabble. Will happily play those for hours. I also love games so that works out nicely.

And baking.

I have an almost 11 and 12 year old, both boy's. We have movie nights. Sometimes we play totem tennis or go to the beach. I have also downloaded some of their games on my phone and we play them together but they definitely have more time doing their own thing these days.

Ticket to Ride board games. Dd 12 now asks us to play