To think I was not unreasonable to tell DS off

[littleblackdress04]

DS 12 is a lovely boy in a little world of his own and he loses EVERYTHING. He lost his 3rd expensive school jumper yesterday and I massively told him off and shouted at him. I feel really bad as it’s upset him & he said he was too scared to tell me (which makes me feel even worse) but I am SO worn down with stuff getting lost. I have told him he has to buy the replacement with his birthday money.

I feel really bad about shouting but I am at the end of my tether with it- he’s lost new coats, PE kits, swimming stuff- you name it.

I know it doesn’t help shouting but we have tried strategies to help him remember including lists to tick off etc.

I still feel bad as he’s really teary & sad that I shouted.

Aibu? God parenting is exhausting sometimes

Mine is the same and he's 15, it's very annoying and such a waste of money. Don't beat yourself up about it. Thing is I bet if it were stuff they bought with their own money they'd look after them better!

I have a nearly 12 year old with a similar track record for losing stuff - particularly drinks bottles and PE socks! Making him responsible for finding them has definitely helped - having to go in to school early to find things or spend his lunchtimes going through lost property has helped to focus his mind somewhat!

A friend had success with a different tactic - she put £2 in a jar in the kitchen each week. At the end of each term that money was used to replace all the lost things, or if her son hadn't lost anything then he got to keep the money - it was very successful!

This happened with my son when he was younger , I lost the rag with him loads , he grew out of it but there was a stage he wouldn't take his coat off in case he lost it 😂, I remind him things cost money and I can't replace stuff all the time and if he lost something he would have to go without it

One thing that helps my dd be more careful is cost comparison with something she values. This pe uniform hoodie and the special order and trip to the uniform shop was this many hours I didn't have spare + this many packets of your favourite drawing paper and pencils, this many of your gaming app that you can't buy because I have to spend money twice. You're good to make him sacrifice his own money but birthday money didn't come with any hardship so it won't be as tough as something he earned iyswim

My kids are younger (9 and 7) and they loose everything from new swimming goggles, school jumpers, gloves, footballs, water bottles to name a few and it drives me up the wall. I can't afford to be continuously replacing these things and I have yelled at them for it out of sheer frustration. So, no, YANBU for letting off steam.

I am very prone to losing things - I am daydreamy and not particularly observant. My mum came down on me like a ton of bricks when I lost things - as a single parent on benefits she simply did not have the money to replace anything. I very quickly learned to double and triple check I had everything at the end of the school day! She was (still is) a lovely mum but she was very very strict about certain things and this was one of them. I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

Are you positive that none of his school stuff has been taken by bullies or hidden by them?

Are you positive that none of his school stuff has been taken by bullies or hidden by them?

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion unless there are other signs, it's a pretty common thing amongst young people to lose stuff like that.

It's March. I would say to him that it's too late in the school year to replace a jumper that won't be worn for much longer. He can wear a coat if he's cold, or pay for a replacement himself.

He needs to learn that losing things has consequences - to him, not to your bank balance!

Yanbu. At 12, he is old enough to be responsible for his clothes, sports kits etc.
I bet he doesn’t lose his homework because that means detention.

Being as lovely as he is may get him some extra credit from you, his parents, but you need to educate him. Otherwise in 15 years we MNers will be reading posts from some poor wife claiming her lovely husband forgets to pick up the kids from nursery or clean their teeth at bedtime if she’s out, loses his car keys and expects her to drive to her sisters wedding etc.
He’s 12, he should be able to function in the real world. Being lovely is lovely but it’s not an excuse for him to be thoughtless.