In the last 3 years we've had 14 miscarriages and 1 very late miscarriage (I don't like to think of her as a miscarriage but we weren't given the option of a death certificate because she was 5 days short of the viability cut off).
I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Totally unexpected, must have have happened when the condom broke. I took the MAP because I didn't want to get pregnant and have another miscarriage. I don't know how far along I am because i 'bled' in February but it was 3 days long and no where near as heavy as usual, but I'm before my period is due so I'm not 100% sure. I've booked a scan for Friday, but I can't stop causing arguments, I'm horrible to be around. We're moving house next week and I didn't want to tell him before then but I think I'm going to have to.
I don't know why I'm being so vile to him, I know his response when I tell him will not be positive. Now that's not to say he doesn't want a baby, I just think after so many losses both of our responses are 'here we go again' but I feel so unwell this time. I'm also working through the loss of the baby we lost 2 years ago in therapy and I gave her a name and I want to tell him what it is but he doesn't want to know. I find it really painful and I know he does too but I can't ignore this. He has a right to know that we're potentially going to have a baby. But fuck me it's so shit.
How do I tell him, do I go to the scan on Friday alone , and tell him after that if it's viable? But if it's not I want his support and help to get through this again however at the same time I feel like one more loss will break him.
The difficulty I've got this time is because of the map I have no idea how pregnant I am. I was meant to be 6 dpo when I took this on Monday.
Sorry this is a big fat waffle!