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I can't stop pushing him away *TW miscarriage baby loss*

7 replies

IanHislopForPm · 11/03/2020 01:53

In the last 3 years we've had 14 miscarriages and 1 very late miscarriage (I don't like to think of her as a miscarriage but we weren't given the option of a death certificate because she was 5 days short of the viability cut off).

I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Totally unexpected, must have have happened when the condom broke. I took the MAP because I didn't want to get pregnant and have another miscarriage. I don't know how far along I am because i 'bled' in February but it was 3 days long and no where near as heavy as usual, but I'm before my period is due so I'm not 100% sure. I've booked a scan for Friday, but I can't stop causing arguments, I'm horrible to be around. We're moving house next week and I didn't want to tell him before then but I think I'm going to have to.

I don't know why I'm being so vile to him, I know his response when I tell him will not be positive. Now that's not to say he doesn't want a baby, I just think after so many losses both of our responses are 'here we go again' but I feel so unwell this time. I'm also working through the loss of the baby we lost 2 years ago in therapy and I gave her a name and I want to tell him what it is but he doesn't want to know. I find it really painful and I know he does too but I can't ignore this. He has a right to know that we're potentially going to have a baby. But fuck me it's so shit.

How do I tell him, do I go to the scan on Friday alone , and tell him after that if it's viable? But if it's not I want his support and help to get through this again however at the same time I feel like one more loss will break him.

The difficulty I've got this time is because of the map I have no idea how pregnant I am. I was meant to be 6 dpo when I took this on Monday.

Sorry this is a big fat waffle!

I can't stop pushing him away *TW miscarriage baby loss*
OP posts:
Nquartz · 11/03/2020 04:41

I don't have any advice on afraid, but I didn't want to read & run Flowers

Hopefully someone else will be able to help

LucyAutumn · 11/03/2020 08:34

I'm so sorry for your losses OP. You are probably acting this way out of frustration/ fear over the situation and also ruminating on your DH's reaction. I think the best thing to do would be to tell him sooner rather than later, you both took precautions (including the MAP) so nobody is at fault here and it's better you are in it together. If it's going to be hard for him to absorb then telling him now will give him more time to absorb and prepare. Flowers

Genevieva · 11/03/2020 09:30

It sounds like you are both traumatised.

Tell him before Friday. Tell him he can come, but if he would rather wait until you know if it is viable then you understand. Tell him you are frightened. Keeping communication open is really important.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/03/2020 09:33

Tell him. Let yourself cry, mourn for those you have lost and the possibility you fear. You can't do this alone, he wouldn't want you to!

Porcupineinwaiting · 11/03/2020 10:00

I think you should tell him - and be as kind to one another as you can manage. I am very sorry for your losses. Flowers

leafyskyline · 11/03/2020 13:35

I'm so sorry for all the losses you've been through OP Thanks Losing your daughter must have been traumatic, if you'd like you could always use her name on here.

I think you need to tell him as you'll need support both physically and emotionally from DH.

IanHislopForPm · 11/03/2020 15:08

You're all so kind. I am going to tell him. Just get it over with!

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