To question if I'm doing the right thing for DS?

[DreamInLavender]

I have been offered a full time position and posted about it all yesterday. I got some lovely advice.

Nursery got back to me properly today about increasing his hours to 2 full days instead of just the 1 (he's with family the other days), and his key worker said it really isn't a good idea right now

She said if it's for work then he will eventually get use to it but she said she doesn't think it's best for him now.

Argh, yet another hurdle

In short, DS has suspected ASD (awaiting assessment day but under S&L etc), plus kidney problems and something else more minor. I'm trying to keep a level head but it all just seems to fall from beneath me.

I didn't think taking a full time position would be ideal given his endless list of appointments. But now I also have his nursery saying it isn't a good idea.

How strongly would you consider their view? DS does love nursery (walks in and doesn't even acknowledge me, loves it and just goes off). But I think towards the end of the day gets difficult for him.

I have two children with asd and adhd and it stopped me working. I’ve only just gone back to work with hours that fit around school.

Do you really want the job? Having children with special needs you really need something for you. I only work part time but to a degree its given me back a small part of myself. Worst case scenario is you take the job, nursery is too much for your son and you quit work. If you get yourself in the door you might find you could work from home.

What is your gut feel?

Thanks DI x

My gut tells me this will end up pissing my new employer off with all these various appointments. In addition to that, I don't want anything less than the very best for him and his needs. It's so hard to make the right call

My lo has multiple issues including ASD. And I won't lie, that even working only part time and in school hours, it's still really difficult to juggle the multiple appointments on top of work when they always seem to fall in the same periods.
My lo wouldn't at this time, now in the infants, manage me being absent more than I am with only maybe 2 afternoons a month that I don't collect from school.
I wouldn't, even at school age, consider working ft unless I had no other alternative as it's unsettling for children at the best of times, but juggling appointments and if potentially on the ASD spectrum it's a really big ask for the child and not to burn yourself out!

Plus childcare at school age is far more difficult to navigate.

Hmm. Are the nursery best placed to say what is best for him? Might they be more concerned with the workload his additional needs cause for them? If so, then that isn't on at all. I wouldn't consider the nursery's opinion at all. Do what you feel is best for you and your dd.

Does the employee offer flexible working? Could you consider four longer days?

I have a child with autism and severe learning disabilities - I no longer work as it was just too stressful trying to juggle everything and dealing with my child/appointments/lack of sleep/worry etc.
Don't underestimate how stressful it is going through the diagnostic process and sorting out schooling.

My DD has additional needs and were at the assessment stage with multiple appointments. I work part time, and run a small business from home - even with my day job being super flexible, it’s a challenge to juggle everything. Both mine are school age so the childcare issues are different but my childminder knows my kids well and I would give her opinion some weight if she expressed a view about my kids.

I’d listen to your instinct - I’m so frustrated that my career has gone backwards but it’s the best decision for now and I’ll make up ground when they’re older, so I do get it but the stress of trying to balance work and various appointments isn’t work it.

I work in a nursery and we no longer sell one day a week because it’s a nightmare for settling in, 2 days is much better.

However, a child with additional needs needs a lot more supervision than his peers and will take more looking after. Are you sure they just don’t want the extra workload?

Otherwise, I think they’re being very short sighted and think an extra day will really help to settle him in.