I know it's over

[Overandoveragain100]

So I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. I think I have known for a while but today has been the turning point and I'm done now.

We've been married 7 years. He's never been the easiest person to be with (temper, gets his kicks by putting other people down) but I've always looked past this and genuinely loved him.

Over the last couple of years (mainly since dd was born) he has become increasingly moody, doesn't respect me, doesn't care about me or what I want, everything is about him.

Today we have had a rare day off together and I have been told to F* off 20+ times.

Once because i didn't stack the cups in the cupboard quite how he likes them and he had to move one to get to his favourite cup

Once because i dared to answer a work email while we were walking round a shop

Once because he asked me whetr i had put something and as i couldn't completely remember i went to help him look - he accused me of treating him like a child

And multiple times because I dared to ask our dd not to run off or do something she shouldn't (like chew on her fork!)

So I know its over I'm done. At work I am strong, confident, manage who leads a high performing team. At home I am now an anxious nervous wreck waiting for the next thing hes going to shout at me for and I'm now done.

But I am sad as it means the home I have spent the last few years making a home will no longer be mine (we will have to sell it)

I'm sad because I really don't want to be a co-parent and not have my child with me all the time

I'm sad because after being together 15 years it seems like such a waste

Not sure what I am after here. Just needed somewhere to put this all down.

im not as eloquent as other posters, but i mean this kindly
in time when you get settled in a new home with your daughter you will suddenly find you can breathe and you will feel free and be able to actually feel happy without the fear that he will ruin it
i hope that day comes sooner than later for you and your daughter and you will find that life is better for you both

You need to speak to your HV and get it officially documented that he shouts at you and tells you to fuck off in front of your toddler. That is abusive and he sounds like he has a vile temper.

Well done for realising that you need to get your dd and yourself away from this damaging situation. She will thank you for it one day

Could you both go to Relate? Get some counselling? I always think it’s worth fighting to get the marriage back on track rather than just walking away. You obviously loved each other once, but sometimes life just gets too mundane and when DCs come along your attention is split lots of ways. If there’s no way you can work it out you will have no other choice than to part, which will mean a lot of compromising and sacrifice but you’ll get there, and most people once they’ve made that decision go on to have happy life’s. Better to act now than waste years being stuck in an unhappy relationship.

We tried counselling a few years ago. It worked for a while but then we probably both slipped back into old habits. I have suggested it again but I get met with the response of it's all my fault and I didn't listen so whays the point.

Since then I have changed job, moved up the career ladder and changed from being mummy who works part time to the main bread winner in the household but still doing everything I did when I was part time. Dh is still doing the same job he was when we met pretty much and shows no desire to move on or better himself. So I think in some ways we have just outgrown each as well.

Well it’s up to you what an awful way to treat you. You are probably both tired and stressed out. If any part of you wants to save the marriage perhaps lay it on the line for him...spell out his bad behaviour and tell him unless he starts pulling his weight and treating you with respect that you’re leaving.

Might be best to get yourself into a position where u can leave before giving him the heads up though...like someone suggested discuss it with your hv and work out where you will live etc. That way if he doesn’t sort his sh*t out you aren’t making empty threats, you can actually leave.

You don't have to be without your daughter at all. He sounds volatile and I would absolutely refuse him any contact whatsoever. I doubt a court/CAFCASS would disagree there, either.

@Cheekypizzapie Why on earth are you trying to convince OP to stay with someone abusive??? What the hell is wrong with you???

livelivebehappy And what color is the sky in your utopian world? You think a man abusive like this is receptive to counseling to change his ways?