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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask drivers to STOP driving so close to me.

102 replies

Vintage2020 · 10/03/2020 12:35

Why why why do some drivers drive so close to my rear? It will not make the driver get to their destination any quicker. On a quiet road it’s irritating but when on A and M roads it is so stressful looking in the rear view mirror and there is a car doing 70 MPh only one or two cars distance away.

OP posts:

DontMakeMeShushYou · 10/03/2020 13:23

Also yes agree with PP two car distances is the recommended distance isn’t it?!

Crikey Moses! No it isn't!

It's 2 SECONDS. Not 2 cars. If you are behind then your car should not reach the point on the road where the car in front is until 2 whole seconds has passed.

Another way of calculating it is 1 meter per 1 mph. So at 70 mph, you should be at least 70 meters away.

Fairenuff · 10/03/2020 13:25

If it's on the motorway OP you need to get out of the middle lane.

FuriousCheekyFucker · 10/03/2020 13:25

Will you answer the question?

Are you driving in the left lane?

MangePasTesOnglesVilain · 10/03/2020 13:26

There's no need to tailgate a slow driver. Just overtake safely where possible.

It's all about reaction times, no one can react in two car lengths unless it's very slow.

If you're tired it's a lot slower too.

idontlike789 · 10/03/2020 13:29

Yeah it happens , if there are 2 lanes of traffic keep to the left and make sure you are driving at speed limit. It's passive aggressive from other drivers to let you know your going too slow but I know if I'm driving at say 30mph on a 30mph limit a car will drive close because they think I should speed up if it's a clear road . Let them break the speed limit but drive within the flow of the traffic and let others overtake where necessary.

Guttersnipe · 10/03/2020 13:29

There is something you can do. Install a dashcam in your rear window, and if they are tailgating you, you can send the video evidence to the police who will prosecute them. Unless you are lane hogging the middle or outer lane, in which case, you might find yourself prosecuted.

Mayhapitis · 10/03/2020 13:32

I must admit i've done this out of frustration when i've been in a 60 limit and the car in front is doing 20 for about 5 miles. I also beeped.

If you can't drive safely in a 60 and feel the need to drive at 20 then you shouldn't be driving.

Waspie · 10/03/2020 13:34

On a multi-lane road you should be in the inside lane if you are not overtaking OP. If they are right up behind you even when you are in the inside lane then they are dicks because they could just overtake.

On a single lane road like a delimited country lane if I get someone tailgating I gradually slow down. When they back off I speed up again. If I need to do an emergency stop with someone too close behind me I want to be doing 20MPH not 50MPH.

My first old banger car was great for this. It's top speed was only about 60MPH but I found that I could slip it into neutral and push it slightly towards reverse and the reverse lights would come on. This would totally freak any tailgaters and they would back off soooooo fast

nornironrock · 10/03/2020 13:35

As others have said, if you find you are constantly being followed closely, I suspect that how you are driving may have a part to play. Doesn't make it right, but does make it explainable.

Where I live (rural) we have far too many people that drive everywhere at 40. They're total dicks in the village, and on the national speed limit road - where they are going to cause an accident by frustrating other drivers. Ultimately, we all have a part to play in making sure roads are safe. If people can't do that - by driving according to the road conditions - they shouldn't be driving.

UnravellingThreads · 10/03/2020 13:37

People who drive up the arse of the car in front of then are dangerous, selfish cunts.

Most drivers don't seem to be able to grasp the concept of safe stopping distances.

And, nope, I'm not driving too slowly (generally at the limit unless it's not safe and I know by how much my speedo over-reads). Although, someone driving too slowly doesn't suddenly make it safe to ignore stopping distances so I don't even see how that's relevant!!

BlingLoving · 10/03/2020 13:38

Agree with others. If you're in the right hand lane and not moving over, then YABU. If you're in the left hand lane then YANBU. I'd also suggest that as it happens to you all the time either you are consistently driving too slowly or you do not have a sense of safe distances that is in line with everyone else's.

ElderAve · 10/03/2020 13:39

If you do advanced driving courses they tell you that if someone is very close behind, you should slow down. I always thought I did it to annoy them but the advice is that if they're not allowing adequate stopping time, you should allow double.

However, if you're doing 70 in the outside lane and there's space to pull in, the problem is you .

slipperywhensparticus · 10/03/2020 13:39

Sometimes its not your driving its them

I went on the motorway when the had limits of 50 mph I stuck to it everyone else didnt but if I got caught speeding (I had only just passed) I would be the one losing my licence not them people went ballistic at me for doing it but its MY LICENCE at the end of the day

Newjez · 10/03/2020 13:42

If someone drives too close to me, I slow down to minimise the damage should they hit me. Simples.

honeyloops · 10/03/2020 13:46

I wonder if you're the 50-odd ish woman I encountered on the M6 who was merrily trundling along at 60mph in the middle lane of a motorway, holding up absolutely tons of people, with plenty of space to move back over to the left.

I did make a point of flashing my lights at her when I moved over into her lane, hoping a kindly reminder that she was supposed to be in the left lane might make her move over, but when I overtook she gave me a "WHAT?" face and then mouthed "fuck off". So that was nice...

NomDeDieu · 10/03/2020 13:51

YABU because two cars distance is about right.. it’s not being close or tailgating.
If this happens very regularly to you, then I would also suspect that it’s your driving that is at fault.

Having said that, people who drive too close are also annoying me and I do slow down (and then get out of their way as soon as I can...)

Gatehouse77 · 10/03/2020 13:52

nobody should be going faster than 70 in either lane.

I think you'll find that you can exceed 70 whilst overtaking and then drop back when you return to your lane.

The people I find I end up close to is more likely traffic when they leave a huge gap between them and the car in front and I wasn't expecting that. I can stick close to a particularly slow moving car when going through lights so that as many people as possible can get thru'.
I don't tailgate.

Bluebelltulip · 10/03/2020 13:53

The way the OP drives should not be a factor in leaving a safe stopping distance. The 2 second rule should always be followed and more distance left in wet conditions. The OP isn't forcing people to be close so I find it odd that so many people are blaming them.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 10/03/2020 13:54

If this is happening to to a lot OP could it be that rather than them being too close, you just perceive it as too close when they’re actually a reasonable distance behind? Are you a nervous driver?

ElderAve · 10/03/2020 13:55

Are you sure Gatehouse? You really can't.

Drivers still shouldn't be hogging the middle lane unless they're overtaking though?

megletthesecond · 10/03/2020 13:58

They're the bad drivers. Even if you're driving like an idiot at snails pace they shouldn't be up your backside.

I did advanced driving and before then I always assumed it was me being a crap driver. I was wrong, it was them.

Everanewbie · 10/03/2020 14:02

NomDeDieu 2 car distance at 70mph? Are you actually for real?

OP irrespective of your driving style or mistakes, tailgaiting is dangerous and whoever and for whatever reason it is done is completely unreasonable. They are idiots and are much less deserving of using the road than any miss daisy out there.

However OP, if this happens regularly, maybe you should examine whether, as others have said, if you are driving too slowly, or middle/outside lane hogging. Not saying you are, but just do an honest appraisal. If you are sure you are driving at an appropriate speed (which is generally the speed limit so long as conditions allow) then put it down to there being too many idiots on the road, and try to avoid stressing about it as best as possible.

megletthesecond · 10/03/2020 14:02

I'm pretty sure you can't exceed 70 even if overtaking.

Original poster

Vintage2020 · 10/03/2020 14:03

To answer some questions: I’m 32 (Not 50 yet!) drive to the speed limit, where traffic etc allows. I have a 1.6 engine, pretty nifty, so no hanging around. Don’t agree with middle lane hoggers and touch wood never been in an accident oh and confident happy driver (usually listen to indie rock - does that help/have any influence ) my recent post on here was following my brothers accident - stationary on an A road queueing - car behind smashed into him and wrote off his van, caused injuries 4 car pile up. Always hated seeing the car behind looking like he/she wants to join me in the car for a tea they are so close (less than a meter away) and worse still when doing 70 on a motorway being followed closely (car distance/ 2 cars max. No need for it. If they keep their distance when the need for breaking occurs everyone is safe. Rant over. Thank u for the shared views x over and out

OP posts:

TabbyMumz · 10/03/2020 14:04

I find tailgating irritating too. I drive the same dual carriageway often. The left lane is often very busy and people driving between trucks at about 50 to 60. I drive in the right lane, as I'm driving about 70. There is always a trail of cars in front so cant really go more than 70 anyway. Every time someone comes roaring up behind me as if to push me out the way. Where am I supposed to go!! Cant really squeeze between cars in left lane and cant go any faster in right lane and even if I do manage to pull out their way, they are then stuck behind car in front. I tend to slow down, so if they do hit me, it's at a lower speed.

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