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Terrified of dipping my toe back in the water

6 replies

wickerwitch · 10/03/2020 10:12

Back story is that husband left me seven months ago out of the blue. Another woman appeared on the scene straight away but in reality our marriage was dead in the water for six months previous. He is a workaholic who was a disinterested and useless husband and father. I can see that I am well rid after months of therapy.my role was mother, housekeeper, administrator and sole carer to our children, all while working full time. He left the house before we woke and arrived home when we were all asleep. Weekends were spent watching him sleeping/ on his phone/ disappearing for hours on end. I've spent many months figuring out why I put up with him and his anger and resentment at having to be part of a family and I now understand that family didn't fulfill him. He's moved on. The love is dead for me.
However, I'm terrified of getting out there again onto the dating scene.I would dearly love a male companion to enjoy my free time. I have zero interest in marriage or blending families in the future, as it stands for now in any event.
How or where do I start? I have lots of lovely family and friends but do not meet their male friends or relations often.
I am Swamped with my own kids lives and supporting them at the moment but I am free every second weekend and a couple of evenings per week for a few hours .
I'm scared of old and too embarrassed to join at the moment.
I am also worried in case I fall into the same enabling trap again.
What deal breakers did you have ?what did you learn having been fucked over and what did you ensure you'd never tolerate again? Did you feel vulnerable like I do at times?
Sorry for long story. Hope you can advise. Thank you x

OP posts:
wickerwitch · 10/03/2020 10:42

Any advise welcome please.

OP posts:
IndigoHexagon · 10/03/2020 13:00

Can you find a hobby that means you we meet like minded people? That’s always a good place to start as at least you know you have at least one thing in common!

Or of course there are apps for that... I suppose it depends on what exactly you are looking for!

wickerwitch · 10/03/2020 13:06

Thanks very much for replying. I am
Looking for equality as aive never experienced a relationship where the scales werent tipped in favour of me doing 80% of effort. I'm looking to want and not need a companion. Someone that adds to my life and that I add to theirs.someone who cherishes me. I've never had that feeling.

OP posts:
Maladymaker · 10/03/2020 13:08
  1. Make sure you're ready, have some therapy and clear up any issues you might take into the next relationship
  2. Everyone's different but I wasn't reasdy for dating until 2 years post split, really
  3. Get yourself in great shape - mentally physically and feel great about yourself
  4. Start dating using old and take the plunge - it's actually quite fun once you're used to it.
  5. Read things like baggage reclaim, what are your red flag threads and dating advice like date like a dude
  6. Set you boundaries of what you want and accept and stick to them
  7. Enjoy yourself. Fun is mandatory Smile
wickerwitch · 10/03/2020 13:09

Thank you so much

OP posts:
John470322 · 10/03/2020 14:02

"I'm looking to want and not need a companion. Someone that adds to my life and that I add to theirs.someone who cherishes me. I've never had that feeling"
After I split with my ex I felt the same and met someone who is perfect for me. It can happen. I was looking for a few dates and company and discovered love, sharing happiness and great sex. It can happen. She is the best and most wonderful person imaginable.

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