How much help do you expect or demand from others?

[EL8888]

I’m increasingly perplexed by other peoples expectations on here and in my own life. Person a who is a family member instructed me l am to help another family member move house. They aren’t assisting as they “can’t be bothered”.

Person b during a row said l should have helped her and her family to move house a couple of years ago as they are “so” busy. They never asked me and yeah l had my own stuff going on.

Just for clarity we are moving shortly and no one has offered to help us (including person a or b). Not that we were expecting it. Oh and l left for work around 7am today and I’ve been back less than an hour. So lm a bit busy and tired myself!!

Do lots of people imagine other people have hours of free time and just know what assistance other people want?! Or in reality everyone is busy but some people are more demanding than others?

Never expected anything. You can’t be disappointed then.
If we needed help we had lovely neighbours and friends who helped or we paid.

@Mayhapitis well remembered, my mother was instructing me to co-ordinate my aunt’s move. Confused by the 2nd different person then kicking in a matter of weeks later!

I come from a Spanish family so I expect to give and receive help in (by English standards) large quantities. That said, dh's family are English and it's the same.

One hand washes the other.

My OH and I are very helpful,but we never ask any favours.
Never ever had child care and certainly never had any offers.
We offer help when we can.....but have had many people always seem to want more and more.

Broke my arm a couple of weeks ago,the most demanding of my friends hasnt been seen for dust.Not even a text

We're a big family and we help each other out a lot, it's nice. But we always ask and are always fine when people can't help.

So why is your DM not helping? Who's she to offer your help out if she's not willing to do it?

@Mayhapitis she doesn’t want to as she has the sense to realise it’s a shit job and she can’t be bothered basically. Your 2nd question l don’t have the answer 2, she has always loved to delegate

Yep my sister loves delegation too. Keeps herself out of loop. I help where I can but people take advantage of you.

Dont ask for any except occasional help from my sister to look after my 3 children and that's maybe one night every 6 weeks, if that. Have a friend who ALWAYS puts on me and takes takes takes. This month alone she has asked me to drop off her 3 children at school 13 times as she is working extra hours (her choice), babysit 2 evenings, go away for the night with her.
I have 3 children 2 SEN, a disabled OH, run the house/finances/life admin, work 30 hour week. She is like having another child

Happy balance isnt it help but get your own stuff done too. Like others the more I did the more was expected then so I suit myself now. I find it hard say NO but others have no problem saying it!!

Wow @Giffgaff99 you should just send her an invoice!!

We don't receive any help, never have. DH and myself moved our entire household three times in quick succession, once internationally with no help whatsoever, apart from professional removal for the international one for what we were bringing. That was possibly a tad much.

Childcare - never had any help there either, we just got on with it.

I'm happy to help if asked, for friends over here, and when we were over there, for friends and family, so long as what is being asked is reasonable!

@Tootletum - I know. I didnt include walking the dog, going car shopping with her or feeding the cat (but only once)

We don’t get any help from anyone, although we don’t ask for it either.

It’s easier to just sort ourselves out, less drama, less falling out. Just less hassle all round!

My mum and dad look after our child one day a week. And would go out of their way to help us with anything we need. They're fantastic, we're very lucky. Hoping to be well enough when I'm older to do the same for my kids.

I think families and good friends should help each other out where they reasonably can. I want to support the people close to me and I’m sure they want to do the same in return. But it can’t be expected or demanded, we’re all busy with only so many hours in the day.