I've never grown out of being the shy, awkward child and I'm suddenly realising how shit my life has been because of it?

[FlatShoos]

I was an extremely shy kid- really really quiet, painfully shy, scared to talk and never really blossomed into a confident, assertive adult.

I've seen my peers/ friends at school go onto good jobs, become more confident and just grown as individuals. I'm stuck as that awkward girl. Nothing has changed. I see it on here alot, that people have become more confident as they've gotten older but I'm nearly 40 and honestly haven't changed.

I'm awkward at work and just too quiet and I feel people don't like me because I make them feel awkward and uncomfortable. They definitely act differently with me which is understandable. I hate myself for being like this. I'm not a horrible person deep down but I'm afraid that's what people think of me.

I would look at your career and see if you can transition to one where being a quiet introvert is a plus. I’m painfully socially awkward, but I got lucky on my career and I’m surrounded by coworkers who skew towards my part of the personality spectrum and my specific job requires intense quiet and mental focus with the occasional meeting to coordinate with others.

If you are spending all day every day with the extroverts who tend to be viewed more positively by society at large, you may not see that your tendencies can be as much of a strength as a weakness.

I'm the same OP but it doesn't mean your life is shit.

OK, so we probably aren't ever going to have heaps of (or perhaps any) friends, or fantastic careers. But there's still a lot of good things in life without those. We can enjoy time with family (unlike friends, they are stuck with you!). Travel. Hobbies. Food. TV. Wine. The outdoors. Reading.

Me too.
It has lead me to think that nobody wants to hear what I have to say anyway. It took me along time even to make a username on MN, then even longer to leave a comment. I am awfully introverted and it's really messed up my career prospects. Shame. I hope you find your confidence or at least accept who you are, I'll be trying to do the same.

I was pretty shy and extremely quiet until my early 20s. Now, 30 years later, I have no problem in talking to people/s either in small groups or in front of big audiences. The key is faking it until it becomes second nature, and stop seeing yourself as a final product that can’t be changed.

You can change, but it may be painful, uncomfortable and sometimes even embarrassing at times, especially at the beginning, but if you don’t try, you don’t get.

To those who believe I am being negative purely by the phrase 'downfall'. (Let's not dramatise OP's thread and let's try and keep it about her) Despite the fact that the rest of the thread is aimed to empower OP:

"Just because one person is confident and another is shy does not imply that one is better than the other"

A downfall in the sense of the word is an action or a trait the removes the individual's ability to be their most powerful self.
If OP recognises that she struggles with people socially and states that her 'life is shit because of it'... Then in my eyes she is looking to improve those social skills.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a shy or introverted individual, but when you feel like it is negatively impacting your life. Then of course there is a problem there that you should address.

@FlatShoos I genuinely apologise if anything in my initial comment offended you, that was not my intention :)

@Furcoatgirl @opticaldelusion

Its nice to hear others who are similar. I've never known anyone like me. I really have felt so defective like something is really wrong with me all my life.

I have looked at autism but I really don't think it's that. I'm just weird and awkward.

I have tried CBT. I went through my local iapt service and it was really not helpful at all. I have thought about going again.

Since my early 20s, I have chased this vision of a better version of me, confident, happy and a person people like. I've read a million books about social anxiety, confidence, positivity, mindfulness, CBT, charisma, social skills and I honestly can't improve. I'm just as awkward as I was when I was as a child. It's like I have a defect that no matter what I do, there's no improvement. On the other hand, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know.

I am too afraid to take antidepressants. I'm scared of the side effects and have heard it gets worse before it gets better etc. But I think I will consider this.

BelleBrutale it's ok. Thanks for your message. It's ok, I wasn't offended.
And thank you to the posters for being on my side, so to speak. Even though everyone on here is saying there is nothing wrong with being quiet, it actually isn't fine in the real world.

Every job I've had, it's been awful for me. I've never made friends or good relationships with my colleagues. I've always been too quiet and awkward and never fitted in anywhere. I always think they must have really regretted giving me the job.

Purpleartichoke could you tell me what your line of work is if you don't mind. Maybe pm me if you feel you don't want to say here. Thanks