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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to hear from him daily?

23 replies

GGMons · 09/03/2020 06:55

I’ve been seeing a lovely guy for a couple of months now and we tend to see one another weekly (normally over the weekend). Returned home yesterday after spending a long weekend with him and received a text from him thanking me for a fantastic weekend. The text ended with “see you Friday” (our next date we have planned). Up until now we’ve been in touch maybe once in the week in between dates but certainly not daily (sometimes initiated by me, sometimes him). His latest message insinuates that he doesn’t intend to contact me again until we meet on Friday, which feels strange. AIBU in expecting to be in touch daily at this stage? Other than the contact issue, things seem to be going really well. We’ve agreed that we are exclusive and he’s told me how much he likes me. I’m not expecting constant contact, but a text or two each day. Isn’t this normal? I’ve been out of the dating scene for some time, so I don’t want to ruin things by raising this with him and appearing too full on. Would appreciate other perspectives!

OP posts:
bbqcoatedpeanuts · 09/03/2020 07:07

I’m sure that he will be in contact before then, he’s just saying ‘see you Friday’, try not to read too much into it. Flowers

StartingAgainID · 09/03/2020 07:08

His message sounds like he's looking forward to Friday. Confirming he'll be there. You're overthinking.

Crystal87 · 09/03/2020 07:13

I think you should ask him what he wants from the relationship. It could be that he doesn't want the same as you. I think a couple of months is enough to know if you like someone and want to be with them or if it's casual dates you want.

Ponoka7 · 09/03/2020 07:16

Wait and see. I wouldn't do a couple of texts a day, a phone call every couple of days perhaps.

I'm in my 50's though and didn't do dating first time around with constant communication.

Anything you need, like more communication, you should ask for, so you don't have this angst and end up resentful.

caulkheaded · 09/03/2020 07:22

He said “see you Friday” because he will see you on Friday....

That doesn’t mean you can’t speak or text during the week though. But the next time you will physically see each other will be Friday.

DDiva · 09/03/2020 07:34

I think you're overthinking it, I would guess he will text you before Friday. I wouldn't necessarily expect texts every day but peoples expectations do differ.

Lllot5 · 09/03/2020 07:41

This is the problem with everyone being contactable all the time.
When I was young ( years ago) my ex didn’t have a phone in his house. He used to go to the phone box and call if he wanted anything.
I’m glad I’m not hanging on my phone wondering what’s normal and usual it must be so tiring.

ZebrasAreHorsesInPyjamas · 09/03/2020 07:55

He said “see you Friday” because he will see you on Friday....

That doesn’t mean you can’t speak or text during the week though. But the next time you will physically see each other will be Friday

This is exactly how I would have read it...

Namechangexyz1 · 09/03/2020 07:59

Why not drop the texting and in a couple of days give him a call and talk and ask how his day.

I'd rather have a man who met me consistently than one who texted loads.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/03/2020 08:03

2 points -
'See you Friday' doesn't mean he doesn't plan on texting you before Friday. That's a weird thing to assume.
'Expecting' to hear from someone daily is a bit rigid and prescriptive and likely to result in disappointment

araiwa · 09/03/2020 08:07

Im stuggling to work out how you managed to misunderstand a simple obvious statement so badly wrong

KaptenKrusty · 09/03/2020 08:38

yikes - calm down or you will scare him off

pumpkinbump · 09/03/2020 09:08

I'm kinda like you, when I read your post I read it the way that you did. But reading the responses make sense. But if I were in a relationship, I would probably expect more communication. Play it by ear for now, as you grow closer, the contact may increase naturally.

TheTeenageYears · 09/03/2020 09:09

Maybe he felt it was just a good ending to the text. It's really hard sometimes to 'sign off' messages - Take care is quite a good one but some are too formal and others overly familiar if you aren't at that point. What in reality would you say if you swopped messages a couple of times a day?

caulkheaded · 09/03/2020 09:16

Some people do text more than others. I struggled to not compare my relationship with that of friends. My boyfriend isn’t a big texted but I am so we had a chat after about 5 weeks where we talked about that.

FlorencesHunger · 09/03/2020 09:33

I agree with pp, you will likely hear from him as usual or text him in a couple days. If it has always been this level of contact then personally I wouldn't expect it to increase. It works the opposite for me usually more contact in the beginning then it evens out to every other day or few days.

If I spent a few days with someone I would go quiet temporarily as I would need to recuperate/defuse, also I don't think there would be much to say.

skinnymarshmallow · 09/03/2020 15:17

I always disappeared between dates and only responded to date related messages. Phone calls I would answer only in the evening and only for a 10 minute chat. Are you exclusive?

JoshArcherStoleMyTractor · 09/03/2020 15:20

Pre DS when I was working away I didn't even contact my husband daily. I would now but just to check on DS. I can't stand clinginess. Why do you need daily contact surely of you speak every day you'll have less to talk about when you see him?;

JKScot4 · 09/03/2020 15:22

Do you ever seen him during the week? does he live nearby?
Surely you phone or txt?

TerrorWig · 09/03/2020 16:08

*He said “see you Friday” because he will see you on Friday....

That doesn’t mean you can’t speak or text during the week though. But the next time you will physically see each other will be Friday*

The above. You’re overthinking.

ViciousJackdaw · 09/03/2020 16:11

You're in danger of sounding a bit needy. Review your expectations before you end up finding yourself googling rabbit stew recipes.

pigsDOfly · 09/03/2020 16:30

Agree with others 'see you Friday' means just that. Unless he added 'but I won't be contacting you till then' I think you're reading too much into his signing off message.

He sound like he had a lovely weekend and is looking forward to being in your company on Friday again.

Why would you need to be in contact with him on a daily basis?

A man constantly texting and sending little messages would really put me off but I'm a different generation.

Sparklyring · 09/03/2020 17:01

I completely get where you're coming from, though appear to be in the minority! To me his message would absolutely imply that he wasnt expecting any contact till then. I met DH online and we've text or spoken every day since the first message. I would find the lack of contact very odd!

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