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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I feel like a failure

5 replies

ruby20062011 · 08/03/2020 21:30

Hi, I am a mum of 4. I have made a lot of sacrifices throughout my life. Got married to someone who was my parents choice. It was a arranged marriage. I always had something else in mind for a life partner. Someone who is educated and settled. Who I can communicate with and does not have an ego. I left my studies to be a good wife and mother. Now it feels like it was all for nothing. I have gorgeous kids and I love them to bits. But I'm in a relationship which seems like a lifelong compromise. 14 years of marriage and husband never ever bought me a gift. I compromised and don't expect it anymore, although deep down I want my husband to show me some love and care. I gave up 14 years of my life support his family. I live in a council house and made a beautiful house for his family back home. For the first years of my marriage I wore 2 dresses which cost £5 each so that he can get on his feet. I have made sacrifices throughout my life and now when I want something he makes me feel like as if I'm selfish and he'll count all the things he's done for me when compared to that I did much much more. I suffer from depression and anxiety and theres no point talking to him because he just does not get it. I don't know what to do I feel very low....

OP posts:
Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 08/03/2020 22:37

Hi @ruby20062011 I am sorry you are feeling so down.

If I were you I would report your thread and ask for it to be moved to the relationships board where I think you will get lots or support.

Would separation be an option for you?

Helpmechangemymindsetplease · 08/03/2020 22:38

I know that feeling of being with someone who doesn’t show you any love or care. I put up with it for years but in the end got divorced.

DocusDiplo · 08/03/2020 22:42

Do you work?
I hope things get better.
You don't have to stay in any marriage, arranged or not. Men shouldn't act horribly whether it's an arranged marriage, or not.

Why do you think you're posting this? I'm glad you did,I'm just wondering if there was a trigger or you want to make some kind of change?

You're good just as you are - and it's lovely you have some beautiful children.

I would become independent even if the children are young and it's hard (sorry to assume you're not working, it's just because with 4 children I imagine it's hard).

Notapheasantplucker · 08/03/2020 22:45

Are you able to leave him OP?
He doesn't sound very nice and it seems as if you'd be happier without him.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 08/03/2020 22:46

You know, you have more power than you think.
No matter what your cultural background, the choices in this country are available to all.

Start being more independent. Go finish your studies if you want. Look to a happier future.

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