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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell him to stop being so desperate

16 replies

BusyProcrastinator · 08/03/2020 19:42

I dated a guy in spring of 2015 for about 4 months. We got on fairly well and I generally found him attractive. I dumped him when I realised I couldn't be arsed to spend £20 and 1.5hours to go see him. He was stingy and although he was away a lot with work, he didn't make the effort to see me. I give these reasons just to show it was a fairly mundane not-particularly-compatible 4 months.

Anyhow, over the past 5 years, I've heard from him randomly out of the blue every few months. I suspect it's whenever he gets dumped or is off in some hotel being lonely. I have replied once in the past 4 years when he messaged me (again) on Linkedin. (I only replied as he made some comment about us scamming a restaurant when in fact I'd just made them honour a deal they told us had been in place). He Whatsapped me in the early days then must have deleted my number. He's messaged me on the dating app saying he'd come across my profile again (I hadn't used it for 3 years but they emailed me). He sent me a lengthy email earlier this year apologising for hurting me. I think he's referring to the fact we hooked up once again in 2015 and we were all cuddly in bed and then he told me about some other ex he'd been sleeping with. I can't say I was hurt. In his email he said I'd been the best girlfriend he's ever had and he apologised for being emotionally unavailable. He said he was foolish to let me go (and saw great significance to some drunk guy who once took a shine to me and told him he should never let me go). I ignored the email. He's now started following me on instagram and recently messaged me to say he'd commented on a picture of mine. Turns out he'd also messaged me on Valentine's day saying 'Merry Christmas'. Hmm

Anyhow, the point is do I keep ignoring him or do I put him out of his misery and tell him to stop being so desperate? Surely it can't be healthy to be pining over a fairly non-descript 'relationship' for 5 years?

OP posts:
WhiteVixen · 08/03/2020 19:44

Ugh, I’d just block him on everything and be done with it.

Summersunandoranges · 08/03/2020 19:44

Put him out of his misery.

Jeezoh · 08/03/2020 19:47

I’d just block him but if he still managed to sneak through, then tell him you’re not interested in hearing from someone you had a brief, forgettable acquaintance with 5 years ago.

Ponoka7 · 08/03/2020 19:51

Of course you tell him that you're not interested. Then block. If he gets through tell him that you are keeping a diary because it's harassment.

He'll be messaging lots of people hoping one of them will hook up.

FlaskMaster · 08/03/2020 19:51

I'd say everything you've said here and end with "please stop wasting your time and mine and don't contact me again".

Member984815 · 08/03/2020 19:55

Block him

Babybel90 · 08/03/2020 20:12

Don’t contact him because then he learns he only has to message you 10 times to get a response. His messages sound unhealthy, just block him.

BusyProcrastinator · 08/03/2020 20:30

Ha, I just logged in to Instagram and found another 3 messages from over the past 2 years. (I don't really use Insta and his messages were in some weird requests folder).

I said he was attaching too much significance to the past and said pretty much what I said above (it's not healthy to keep messaging me; I thought you were a bit tight - when you say "let's go for dinner, my treat" you should actually pay; could have made more effort). And we just weren't right for each other.

Blocked now so perhaps that's the end but maybe he'll use Myspace or Bebo or skywriting next...

OP posts:
Betty1233 · 08/03/2020 20:59

Tell him you are not interested and then block .

1Morewineplease · 08/03/2020 21:51

Just block him.

Dontlikeoranges · 09/03/2020 21:32

Yeah just block him from everything. I have an ex from 12 years ago that still sneaks through with a new email about twice a year. I dumped him because of insane jealously twelve years ago and NOT ONCE have I ever replied to a single message.

I wonder when he will finally give up??

Asmuchuseas · 09/03/2020 21:37

Block him on everything. You'll probably get a message on eBay next!

BusyProcrastinator · 09/03/2020 22:57

Wow @Dontlikeoranges ! That’s horrible. Like does your ex think you’ll finally suddenly decide to reply? What a creep. I’m glad you got rid.

OP posts:
blubellsarebells · 09/03/2020 23:12

Im having a similar problem at the moment.
Guy i was seeing for only a couple of months about 7 or 8 years ago.
We knew each other for a long time before, and have mutual friends that mean we have to see each other sometimes.
I wanted us to stay friends but actually he's so boring and desperate i would be glad if i never saw his sad face again.
Mostly i just ignore him but actually i find it quite imposing and intrusive to receive unsolicited messages.
This thread has inspired me, last ignored message was a couple of days ago but if i get another one im going to tell him straight and then block.
Its not normal behaviour.

SnoozyLou · 09/03/2020 23:25

You were the best girlfriend he's ever had? How did he treat the worst?

Tell him you're not interested and block.

ALongHardWinter · 10/03/2020 01:27

I've had this on and off from an ex that I finished with 3 years ago. About every 3 to 4 months he texts me me asking if we can meet up,or if he can 'come round to my place' that evening. I never respond and I've blocked every number that he texts from,but he keeps either changing his number,or using someone else's phone to text from! I don't really know why he thinks that he's still in with a chance where I'm concerned,we split rather acrimoniously due to his totally unreasonable behaviour. Yet he sends me texts,3 years later,as if we're still together. Very odd.

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