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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about children’s bedtimes (noisy neighbours).

39 replies

Itwasntme1 · 08/03/2020 19:35

The noise form my next door neighbours has always been a problem. They shout, yell, sing, slam doors and generally stamp about.

At the moment I can’t hear the tv because he is shouting and singing.

They have no carpets, and the thumping about carries on until after eleven.

Their baby is about 18 months. I am clinging on to bedtimes, at some point she will have a routine and they will be quiet so as not to wake her.

When will that be😊😊. Please say soon.

OP posts:

Elieza · 08/03/2020 23:03

Forgot to say, if they are both off work they will likely keep their kids up until they go to bed so the kids give them a long lie in in the morning. If they put them to bed at 7pm they will be up at 7am and the parents won’t be keen on that if they are intending to stay in bed until 10.

Nomaj · 08/03/2020 23:08

You won’t have to disclose you have called the police if you sell your house

TW2013 · 08/03/2020 23:18

I keep things quiet now after 8pm, and know I’m up early (6am) so keep the noise down.

Maybe a few early morning wake ups will help to reset their body clocks. Must be tempting to put some lively music on to wake yourself up!

yatapina · 08/03/2020 23:33

Whilst I agree that it's a shit situation for you I think it's a bit of an over-reaction to say that you are "heartbroken" or assume that they're raising a badly behaved child because they don't have a set routine.

Not everyone wants/needs routine and even if they do it doesn't need to tie in with yours.

Original poster

Itwasntme1 · 09/03/2020 19:49

@yatapina I am not asking their routine to tie in with mine. I am asking them not to scream and swear at 3am. I am asking them not to to slam doors and move furniture around at midnight.

I have friends who teach children who grow up in this type of environment and I don’t think it is an over reaction to say it’s heartbreaking.

I was only hoping that once The child has a set bedtime they wouldn’t want to wake Her with this nonsense. They obviously don’t give a shit about me, but I was hoping they would care enough about her to make sure she gets some sleep at night - even if I have to wait u TIL she starts school.

OP posts:

yatapina · 09/03/2020 22:59

I didn't mean specifically to tie in with your routine - more that the routine might not necessarily be what you'd expect.

It's a very British thing to have a set bedtime early in the evening for children - many other cultures are more relaxed about these things and they manage fine. It's really not a heartbreaking issue.

If however, there is blatant domestic abuse going on between them and it's a totally unsuitable environment for a child then I'd phone social services to report my concerns because that's the damaging part here. That's not what's in your OP though.

Original poster

Itwasntme1 · 10/03/2020 08:51

But I did say they yell and slam doors and row through the night?

I have clearly annoyed you and it wasn’t my intention. I simply wanted a bit of advice. Thanks to the wonderful mumsnetters who had a good chat with me on this😊

OP posts:

CheshireChat · 10/03/2020 09:18

I wouldn't mention a routine in any way- I'd be happy (so to speak) to be told that my family is too noisy and I'd tackle it, however I'd be supremely unimpressed if they criticised my parenting alongside it.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/03/2020 09:18

Have you asked them to keep it down?

My neighbour was playing loud music often late at night. I went round and asked him to turn it down. He didn't realise we could hear it and was very apologetic. Problem solved.

Nomel · 10/03/2020 09:20

My 4 month old has some sort of routine (it changes all the time) but by 18 month I would expect a solid routine. This is/was the case for my older kids

yatapina · 10/03/2020 11:38

I'm not annoyed at all - you asked about routine and originally it was 11pm not through the night.

Either way if they are shouting and screaming at each other through the night loud enough to keep the neighbours up then it's not a safe/suitable environment for the baby.

Report them to the police or social services, the baby can't do it herself

Caspianberg · 10/03/2020 12:28

I don't think a routine with a child is anything to do with the screaming and shouting at 3 am you describe from the adults.
Even if the little one went to sleep at 7 pm, it doesn't sound like it would make any difference to the disturbance if most is caused by the adults.

Original poster

Itwasntme1 · 10/03/2020 16:41

This thread has gone totally off point - my own fault😊. Really all I wanted to know was would a routine kick in soon for the baby and would they start to be quieter.

I am certainly not going to go round and criticise their parenting😳.

I got some lovely comments and advice.Thank you

OP posts:

yatapina · 10/03/2020 17:05

It's not about going round and criticising their parenting, it's about looking out for a child who - to paraphrase your words is growing up in an unsuitable environment which breaks your heart.

If they are having domestic disputes regularly through the night then what is that little girl witnessing?

I work with children who have come from abusive/neglectful households and I think you should report for the sake of that little girl. I cannot fathom how an adult can think this is ok - safeguarding is everyone's responsibility!

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