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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go into work

31 replies

Scousebird26 · 08/03/2020 16:41

Hi,
My little boy is quite poorly and we have to go to hospital to get him checked.
When he’s ill he always wants mummy so I really don’t want to leave him tomorrow to go to work. The only thing is I’m still on probation, can they hold this against me?

Thank you xx

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 08/03/2020 16:42

The only thing is I’m still on probation, can they hold this against me?

Yes.

TheReluctantCountess · 08/03/2020 16:42

Who would look after him if you went to work?

CrocodilesCry · 08/03/2020 16:42

Is he still on hospital? Who would look after him otherwise? Hope he’s better soon

TheTea · 08/03/2020 16:43

YANBU, I wouldn't go into work. I wouldn't want to work somewhere that wouldn't suite my needs as a working mum (within reason obviously).

Fred578 · 08/03/2020 16:43

They shouldn’t. It would be dependant’s leave which you are entitled to. It would depend on the rest of your performance/behaviour as to how they viewed it, although they couldn’t use it as a reason to end your probation. Hope your little boy feels better

PotteringAlong · 08/03/2020 16:43

Probably. They don’t need a reason to fail your probation. Who would you leave him with to go to work?

Original poster
Scousebird26 · 08/03/2020 16:44

My mum is off work tomorrow so she would look after him.

If they keep him in hospital I wouldn’t go to work, I just couldn’t.

But the thought of leaving him when he’s ill and wants me is horrible. I just don’t want to lose my job.

OP posts:
DawnFawn · 08/03/2020 16:44

Yes they can. Its shit but you need to show reliability in the first 2 years even when your probation ends. They will obviously be more understanding the longer you are there without sickness/Family emergency leave, but until your employee rights kick in they can hold anything against you.

BlueEyedPersephone · 08/03/2020 16:44

You should be able to take unpaid leave for dependants, check your company policy, but it will be judged as negative.

EarthwormJim9 · 08/03/2020 16:45

Don’t be so ridiculous

Ffs

crustycrab · 08/03/2020 16:46

Surely if he needs to go to hospital then that should be your priority at the minute? Confused

Original poster
Scousebird26 · 08/03/2020 16:46

Don’t be so ridiculous? How is this a ridiculous question.

OP posts:
Ruby8719 · 08/03/2020 16:47

I don’t blame you! I would just be really open and honest. I don’t think they would fail your probation for this reason alone and you could appeal it with HR if they did. Tell them you are really concerned a out your probation but obviously your son comes first. Anyone with half a heart would tell you to be with him.

If the rest of your performance was up to scratch you’ll be fine. Is there a a manager you can talk to for advice? Hope your son gets well soon x

Ruby8719 · 08/03/2020 16:48

About your probation*

Northernsoullover · 08/03/2020 16:48

The thing is he is likely to be poorly quite a but. Children are just petri dishes. If he's ok to come home he'll be fine with your mum. I know how you feel. I was a working parent and I had to leave my children with my mum many times. There were also occasions where I had to stay home with them. If I hadn't had occasional help I'd probably have lost my job.

Northernsoullover · 08/03/2020 16:48

Bit*

user1493413286 · 08/03/2020 16:54

Have you had any other sickness or parental leave? I took 2 days off during probation when my DD was in hospital; I hadn’t had any other sickness leave and my boss was very understanding. I know it’s easy to say but I wouldn’t have wanted to work for an employer who didn’t understand that.

DianaT1969 · 08/03/2020 18:28

How long have you worked there? 5 months of good service and no other absenteeism might not seem as bad as 6 weeks in a new job.
I would leave him with your mum if you can. It's hard, but use the childcare on the days you have it. Your DC may be poorly another time when your mum isn't available. Going to work tomorrow is like putting a day in the bank so that you run up a good service record for when you have no childcare.

thepeopleversuswork · 08/03/2020 18:36

I think if he's with your mum you could bite the bullet surely?

I used to have to put my daughter in paid childcare in situations like this. It isn't ideal but it is what it is really. I've never had the luxury of having family able to step in and provide childcare.

Don't mean to be harsh: I know its heart-rending but he's with someone who loves and cares for him, I think he will be fine.

Figmentofmyimagination · 09/03/2020 09:21

Just be absolutely clear - in writing - eg in an email - why you cannot be there today and send it without delay once you are sure you have to go to hospital.

State in it that you need to take unpaid dependency leave, with as much detail as possible.

Reassure your employer that you have child cover for the rest of the week and then put it in place.

Keep employer informed - eg a follow up email later today.

All this assumes you are an employee - not an agency worker. (They have no right to unpaid dependency leave).

It’s true that your employer could end your probation period - but they need a good reason eg your failure to achieve standards - in order to rebut the assumption - demonstrated by your clear email trail that you are taking dependency leave and that this is why you have been penalised.

It costs nothing and takes 5 mins to submit an acas early conciliation notification form if you are treated negatively by your employer - or even sacked - for exercising your statutory right to unpaid dependency leave, with acas intervention and then a tribunal claim if need be.

Your employer will know this and won’t want the hassle as long as you spell things out clearly and politely.

crosspelican · 09/03/2020 09:25

You are so lucky to have your Mum there. Your son is going to be unwell a LOT over the next 10 years, and will always want his Mummy - you can't just not work. But you do have to excel in this probation period, and you are in a wonderful position with your Mum being there to help you. It's probably too late now, at nearly 9.30, but you need to start as you mean to go on. Go to work.

MRex · 09/03/2020 09:25

Does he have an ongoing condition or is this a one-off? I think the above posters are being pretty harsh, I'd never sanction someone for a few days of a child in hospital. I'd expect them to go there, at least doing a part-time day. Is there any work you can do from the hospital to show willing? If it's due to an ongoing illness so it's the start of a pattern then HR might get involved and it might have an impact, so it does depend a little on what's wrong with him.

crosspelican · 09/03/2020 09:26

My little boy is quite poorly and we have to go to hospital to get him checked.

Do you mean he has a high temperature, or an underlying condition? How was he in the end?

Stompythedinosaur · 09/03/2020 09:28

Asus.ing your mum is willing to have him and she will take good care of him, I would go to work. Being a working parent is shit sometimes, but he will be ok.

crosspelican · 09/03/2020 09:30

I'd never sanction someone for a few days of a child in hospital It's harsh, but realistically in a big organisation, someone not coming in "for a few days" during her probation period is likely to be looked at quite bluntly. It could be a one-off, or it could be the first indication of a pattern of someone who always has an excellent reason not to be at her desk.

The OP has an excellent back-up in place (her own Mum) so it's not like being stranded at home with a vommy child and no partner/support to stay with them.

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