Contraception. AIBU?

[Moodymagpie]

Please feel free to speak your mind. Me and my Partner are having a discussion which became heated.

We already have 3 children, all girls ages 6, 18 months and 6 months. All my pregnancies were awful. Painful, morning sickness all the way through and anemia with my last child. Our first daughter was born naturally but left me with a 3rd degree tear. Our youngest 2 were born via planned cesarean section.

In the past I have been on various pills. All made me ill, had a severe impact on my mental health and left me with nasty outbreaks of acne and weight gain... I also have had a coil which have me the worst period pain imaginable.

He has made it clear he does NOT want any more children, and neither do I but he refuses to take any responsibility at all. He refuses to wear a condom and won't even consider getting the snip. I've tried pointing out everything I've gone through but he is adamant that contraception is solely my responsibility.

... Problem is, I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my health or body for the sake of sex which really does nothing for me when he won't take responsibility at all.

Am I being unreasonable?

Easy

Don’t have sex. It’s hard point to do but it works

He has to step up halfway even if it’s just wearing a condom

Refusing and saying it’s your job is knobbish

No sex until he gets the snip/condoms. Easy peasy.

He sounds like a catch, btw. You'll be better off when he leaves.

100% YNBU
Not sure that “simply refuse sex” covers it but it’s the only thing I can think of now.
Why does he think contraception is your job?

I know he’s refusing the snip, has he said why? It seems like the most sensible option now.

Wow that is the most unreasonable, unacceptable, offensive attitude.
So that's him not having sex then.

It takes two to make a child and two to decide on contraception - it really pisses me off that men expect women to take drugs that affect their body, emotions extend they wont use a condom which does non of those things to them.

No sex.
I think he’s hedging his bets tbh . If he genuinely doesn’t want any more children then getting the snip shouldn’t be an issue .

TBH I think refusing to have sex doesn't go far enough, I think you should just end the relationship. For him to flatly refuse to take any responsibility is beyond disrespectful, it seems like he has total contempt for you.

He has made it clear he does NOT want any more children, and neither do I but he refuses to take any responsibility at all.

No glove, no love!! - Sex strike, see how long he lasts, DO NOT CAVE!
He really thinks so little of you, he wont take any responsibility, to not get you pregnant

Yanbu to want to stop having to take contraceptives. Yanbu to refuse sex to someone who isn't wearing a condom. Yabu to expect him to go through a medical procedure he doesn't want to undergo.

Your options (imo) are

1. Refuse sex unless he wears a condom - can you really trust that he will?
2. Go and get your tubes tied.
3. Break up with him.

”If he genuinely doesn’t want any more children then getting the snip shouldn’t be an issue .”

Indeed. Either he doesn’t want the snip because he’s confusing fertility with potency, or he doesn’t want the snip because what he means when he says he doesn’t want anymore children is “I don’t want any more children with you.

I don't want to under go anymore surgeries... I feel like I've done my part. If he won't wear condoms he has one other option...

He has two options actually, and I think it would be wise to consider that he may prefer the second one.

Yabu to expect him to go through a medical procedure he doesn't want to undergo.

But he is being entirely reasonable for forcing her into a situation where she has to undergo a far more complex medical procedure after all she has undergone for him already, or refuse sex?

”He has two options actually, and I think it would be wise to consider that he may prefer the second one.”

I agree.

Won't use a condom=no sex for him