Not wanting to send my son back to nursery because of child cruelty investigation

[xAIBUx]

AIBU for being worried and hesident to send my son back to Nursery after they have been/being investigating by the CQC.

Basically, My mums friend works at the nursery my son goes to and we have just found out that the manager of the nursery has been suspended while being investigated for child cruelty. Even though all of the other workers there have been investigated and cleared, im just worried and hesitant about sending him back next week. This has been ongoing for a long time apparently but the manger was only suspended last week. My son is only 2 and sending him to nursery was a big deal as one of my massive/major worries was something like this happening.

Wow, that's a hard one! On the one hand, that's your baby and of course you'd be worried. First instinct is to move him.

On the other, context is everything. You have a professional body overseeing the investigation, the person is suspended and they have found no issues with the nursery or staff?

If the incident relates to the nursery. I'd move my child, if it was a personal incident, I don't think I would.

More info: Just to be clear, they havent told the parents anything is happening, we only know because the friend told my mum and my mum told me. I was meant to have a meeting with the woman in question this week but it was cancelled because she wasn't in. I was told she was just on holiday but will be back this week, when in fact its because shes been suspended. There is proof apparently that she was involved with child cruelty at the nursery, so even if they DO bring her back, ive lost a lot of confidence in them and dont want to send him back. Am I being unreasonable to eve be concidering changing nurseries?

I don't know if its a personal issue or the nursery itself, but as you say its my baby and its really knocked my confidence. if this has been an ongoing thing for a while, why have they only just been suspended/investigated? did the staff know something was going on but didn't say anything till now? Just so many questions, you know?

Your mum should ask the woman she knows for more info about what happened, but I wouldn’t be sending my child in if the manager returns

But this is third hand gossip?

I don't think my mum will be seeing her until after he's due to go back in (He's actually meant to be doing more days this week because he missed some last week) but I defo said he wont be going back if she returns. without a doubt on that.

@user14366425683113 - your comment wasn't helpful at all or relevant. Its not gossip its fact. Obviously not a parent.

The CQC? I thought they only investigated health and social care settings? Why would they be investigating a nursery? And if it’s a child cruelty investigation why aren’t the police involved? Which child is it? Why aren’t parents informed?

None of this makes any sense.

Lots of questions there I cant answer. But the CQC gets involved in alot of things when the investigation is for cruelty including nursing homes and nurseries. as for why parents arent involved, as I said they specifically lied to me about where she was so i guess there keeping it under wraps for now.

My post was mainly about if its unreasonable to not send my child in until I know exactly whats going on and if this woman will be returning.

FWIW no way would I be sending my 2 yr old. Probably hugely wide of the mark, but if sending him then leaves you spending that time anxious, there is no point.

@QueenOfOverharing thank you for the message, Honestly, yeah I will probably just be anxious and worried the whole time hes there. But when my confidant has been knocked about the place and people my son will be with for many hours every week, I feel its a place/people I am 100000% confident and comfortable with, you know?

I'm completely with you. My son got a place at a local nursery. We went to visit - one guy was amending his cv, ignoring the children and one child ran up to my DS & tried to hit him with a plank from a wooden sit-on train. No supervision. The staff seemed nice, but fuck that. Don't feel you have to justify yourself.

My child wouldn’t go there again. I don’t really do “benefit of doubt’’ when it comes to their safety and well-being.

@QueenOfOversharing. Thank you again, come replies on here can be so sassy even when its something like this. It is admittedly a very nice nursery, the woman in question always seemed very blunt, both me and my mother have said that prior to this, but as I said, even if the nursery is lovely and the other members of staff are nice, when it comes to your babies (no matter the age they will always be your babies) and there safety, once the confidence and trust is gone, its hard to get it back, especially when they are specifically NOT telling the parents anything, god knows what the parents of those children feel like (if they even know)

@DC3dilermma EXACTLY!!

Id be going in on Monday and saying to them "this is what ive been told, can you please clarify the situation for me" and then being 100% prepared to a) point out that they lied to you about her being on holiday and b) take your kiddo home with you

Why haven't the nursery informed the parents. I'm sure the staff member who told your mum shouldn't have done.
Has the staff member told other parents if so what do they think.

Your child is the most important to you, if you feel uncomfortable talk to the other staff and parents then guage the reaction from them.
That's when you decide.

For a nursery setting, if you don't feel like your little one is safe that's the point of no return. I really feel for the parents who don't know.

Whatever the reason, if you’ve lost confidence in them remove your son immediately, but be prepared to lose your deposit. FWIW, if I felt that way then I would happily lose my deposit to keep my child safe.

However, Uou have been told information third hand, even if it is someone who is from the nursery & someone your mum trusts, they should not be given the reasons why a fellow colleague or manager has been suspended. They are unlikely to know all the facts. I too am surprised that the police haven’t been involved and parents not notified of some sort of investigation being carried out. As someone else has said, you need to contact the nursery first thing tomorrow and ask them outright.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow and @Burlea

No im sure she shouldnt have said anything to my mum about an ongoing investigation but at the same time, Im glad she has and now I know. I don't know why they arent telling the parents, probably not to cause a mass issue and having them pull there kids out too, it will be interesting to see if they do and if they do how long it takes them to do it.

My son is due to go in on Tuesday and I do feel comfortable to speak to his Key worker, she is a lovely lady and my son adores her which makes me KNOW he is happy, comfortable and feels safe with her. I WILL be asking her about this situation, but as you say @SomeoneElseEntirelyNow I will be fully prepared to bring him home with me if im not happy with her answers :)

It’s bull shit. CQC are not governing bodies for nurseries. Unless your child goes to a special need nursery then this is untrue.

Why do you get your facts straight first and look in to what the CQC are actually about and why they are used

xAIBUx what is your child nursery called as it’s very easy to find if they are even on the CQC register. It’s public anyone can see.

Yeah I would pull him straight out as I wouldn't want to risk it and if something has been going on then I doubt that none of the others knew about it...maybe they didn't partake but I bet a few headturnings went on because they were the manager.

I just couldn't risk it

None of this makes sense OP. I've been involved in a few investigations (cruelty/abuse - hasten to add not me under investigation) and the police become involved very quickly, then council, then governing body. At some point in this mess all parents/guardians are informed.

I also was under the impression that CQC were only involved in special needs nurseries, but it's been a while since I dealt with them thankfully.

Based on this link below it doesn't look like the CQC would be involved. Investigating child cruelty at a nursery would be down to the police surely? And Ofsted would be the regulator I imagine

www.cqc.org.uk/guidance-providers/childrens-services/inspecting-childrens-services