To ask for help in overcoming DS water near his face phobia so he can learn to swim?

[Help20201]

Hi all

Sorry shamelessly posting for traffic.

DS (6) has always been a bit wary of water, he’s fine so long as it doesn’t go near his face, hair washing has always been a nightmare. I decided he needed to start swimming as it’s a life skill I want him to learn as I think it’s so important. Took him to the pool yesterday for an assessment where the teacher asked him to blow bubbles in the water and he refused. He managed to jump in but had a full on panic as soon as he realised water was on his face, came out of the pool white as a sheet and shaking/crying.

I’m determined to get him to overcome this fear so we can crack on with some lessons but I have no idea where to start without making it worse. Thinking of putting him in the bath and starting to gradually put lower part of his face in etc?

Any advice?

A good 1-1 swimming teacher will who is aware of his difficulties will be able to gently help him overcome this. It’s very common in younger children.

Find the right swimming lessons and wait. My DD was the same and she started swimming lessons with lots of fear and some tears. But the teachers were aware and I was clear she didn't have to put her face anywhere near the water if she didn't want to (its not an unusual fear either so the teachers were not surprised by it or anything).
It's taken us 3 years but she swims and jumps in and everything now, the teachers let her take things at her own pace and (very slowly) she's dealt with it. Just make sure the swimming g lessons aren't the sort of place that will try to "force" your DS to put his face under until he decides to

My DS (reception age) is the same. We just signed him up to swimming lessons and let the teacher crack on. He’s in a group session, and whilst the more able/confident ones in the group happily jump straight in, underwater and all, DS is now at a point where he will jump in holding onto the teacher’s hand, and has been dunked under water several times (as part of the lesson, not unceremoniously!)

A combination of slowly slowly catchee monkey and a bit of peer pressure from the other kids in the group is doing the trick. I’m not expecting him to be fine with it after week 2 but we are a term and a half in and he’s far more water confident and happy with splashes than he was before.

Not sure if this will be a helpful comment but I have always been like this myself and still learnt to swim. I just don’t get my face in the water! If he really hates it I wouldn’t try and force the issue, I genuinely had a bit of a phobia about it and would have found that very upsetting.

DD3 was like this. She's year 6 now and has just been accepted into the school's competitive swim squad despite only attending weekly school swimming lessons, so that shows how far she has come.

Let him wear goggles and don't make him put his face in the water. When he has showers, let him wipe his face with a towel when it gets wet - don't make a big deal.

He'll gradually become accustomed and stop panicking.

My DS was like this though a little younger. We invested in 1-1 lessons and it was absolutely worth the cost. After 6 months he was confident in the water and able to swim a full length of the pool - we then switched him to group lessons where he has absolutely thrived. It's hard to believe he's the same boy.

Get one to one lessons. DD hated swimming and water when she started lessons. They advised 1to1 and she has come on so well that we have been able to put her back to group lessons. Yes it's more expensive but it's worth it.

I don't really have any suggestions but do agree with others that you need to find a good teacher.

I had a horrible swimming teacher at school who tried to insist that I put my head under water when he could see that I was obviously scared. I didn't do it and never went to swimming lessons again.

Now in my 60's I can't swim and I still cannot put my face in water. Even when showering I have the shower head aimed lower than my face. I can't use one of those overhead showers

Do his goggles leak, OP?

Agree just crack on with the lessons. Ask around locally for nice teacher recommendations. For DD it has been a case of the lessons have made the change and that has a knock on effect to making hair washing etc easier, not the other way around.
With DD her phobia was not as bad as you describe your DS but it has still taken a long time with very patient teachers... I recommend just accepting that this will take ages and preparing yourself for a long wait, that way it’s easier to be patient!

Also I voted YABU because I suspect if I had stated that in the bath with my DD it would probably have just caused arguments when she wouldn’t do it!

DS is like that. The lessons were just overwhelming and pointless as he just refused to put his head in. We've had to find other ways of introducing him gradually. So bath/shower and he controls when the water touches his face, we've even practiced blowing bubbles in a bowl of water in the kitchen.

He is finally taking swimming lessons but has to wear goggles. Yes, it's not ideal but I'd rather he know how to swim with goggles and we work on taking them off eventually, than leaving him as a non-swimmer.