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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want to go on vacation

12 replies

FeelingSoSad2 · 07/03/2020 20:38

My DH is a freelancer and always works. The last few times we went on vacations, he took his laptop. The very first thing he did we got to Cuba was to go find WiFi to be connected.
He says that it helps him pay for the vacation expenses (I also have them!) and that it doesn't affect me as we do activities and he only works at night when there's nothing else to do. That other people would read or watch TV and it's the same thing.
Well, I don't think it's the same thing and it bloody bores me.
He just suggested an idea for our next vacation this summer and inside me I'm thinking that if he takes his computer, I'll refuse to go.
I'm a freelance too and could also take mine, except that we have a toddler and I wouldn't feel like I'm on vacation.
AIBU?

OP posts:

GetTheSprinkles · 07/03/2020 21:06

Personally I understand what you're saying but feel YABU
I work from my laptop so will always get some work done on holiday as otherwise I would feel like I am wasting time and money.
I presume he doesnt get holiday pay? So if he didnt do this his earnings would take a big hit.
When away, I work for a couple of hours when my DH is enjoying downtime (usually watching his laptop). This way it doesnt affect him. Otherwise I would struggle to justify the cost of a holiday, especially as freelancers dont get paid leave!
As long as your DH isn't doing it during meals or activities I dont see the issue.

MajesticWhine · 07/03/2020 21:09

YANBU. It's not a holiday if he's on his laptop every night. No point going. He wont be relaxed and his mind will be on work.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 07/03/2020 21:10

and that it doesn't affect me as we do activities and he only works at night when there's nothing else to do. That other people would read or watch TV and it's the same thing.

I kind of agree. Though, does it affect your plans?

Original poster

FeelingSoSad2 · 07/03/2020 21:20

No, it's the fact that the laptop is in the room and I hear notifications and see blinking lights, so it's not relaxing. And since we do the same kind of work, I know that when you accept projects on the holidays, they are on your mind when you do other things during the day and it might influence your decisions as to whether to do something or go back to the room and work.
I'm trying to imagine going on vacation with a partner who's mind would be on having a vacation, on being with me, on playing with the kids...and I feel like I'm missing out, but maybe things are no better with men who don't work on vacations.

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/03/2020 21:25

maybe things are no better with men who don't work on vacations.

There are loads of men who don’t work on vacation, but it doesn’t mean they would be thinking about you or playing with your kids. Maybe they would, or maybe they’d be thinking about sports or playing on a stupid app or doing just about anything else...

I am freelance too. I’ve worked on holidays. It’s not like you described for me - I’m not thinking about it through the days, it’s not always on my mind. I can compartmentalise it so that I go do things in the day; and fit in an hour or so when people are watching TV or whatever. I don’t feel anxious about money, I’m on holiday, I’m not getting behind... it’s different for me. It could be for your husband too. And I try not to work in most holidays now, but I do, sometimes.

Can you compromise? Some holidays he works, some he doesn’t?
Can you work on why seeing him working makes you feel stressed?

underneaththeash · 07/03/2020 21:27

YABU - it's a holiday not a vacation.

Fluffybutter · 07/03/2020 21:27

I don’t blame you , my dh isn’t freelance but heads a large team of around 800 and even he doesn’t take his laptop .
He takes his work phone but only checks it briefly once we’re back in the room

maddy68 · 07/03/2020 21:30

My husband is self employed.hr always works on holiday. so we have a "work time". So he works from say 9-11 and then the rest is holiday time. You need to come to some arrangement but he will need to work part of it

Thehop · 07/03/2020 21:34

Can you ask him to set certain time aside for work whilst on holiday?

sqirrelfriends · 07/03/2020 21:36

YABU for calling a holiday a vacation

BarbaraofSeville · 07/03/2020 21:37

YABU - it's a holiday not a vacation

Has it not occurred to you that the OP might be in a country where the word used is vacation? As the two words are fairly interchangeable within English speaking countries, most people can cope with use of either word.

OP, it sounds like he has trouble switching off. Can you agree that he checks his emails for a short period once or twice a day but is properly 'on vacation' the rest of the time?

Original poster

FeelingSoSad2 · 07/03/2020 21:51

Thank you Barbara, yes, here it's called a vacation. Jeez, I wish people wouldn't play useless grammar police. I'm not even an English speaker!

The problem is that he doesn't see the problem, so I don't know to what extent I can compromise with him.

I just think that it's unfair that he works while I'm not and I can't work otherwise the children (and these are not just MY children as some poster said, one of them is HIS) will see 2 parents working and that sucks.

OP posts:

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