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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this neighbour being unreasonable

87 replies

myboysmum · 07/03/2020 19:16

Bit of back ground - we live in a semi detached bungalow and my partner and I moved here nearly 2 years ago. Our neighbour's on the side that is not attached to us are elderly, I've only seen the husband once as think he's housebound but the wife goes out daily in her car. Their driveway is directly next to our front door on the side of the house (we don't have a driveway) but there is a 6' fence between so nothing can been seen. She never speaks to me and if I see her and say Good morning she just grunts. She has spoken to my partner a couple of times.

Not long after moving in, our outside porch light broke. It was only 2 weeks ago that we decided to replace it. Our new one is bigger and brighter than our other one but it is not a security light so does not come on automatically when it detects motion. We put it on as and when we need it but this is only when somebody knocks on the door or leaves the house and if my partner goes outside to smoke so it's maybe on 3 times in an evening for 5 minutes at a time.

On Thursday we received a letter from the council saying our neighbour had complained about a bright light coming from our house. She had not bothered to knock on our door to mention it, if she had we would have happily replaced the bulb with a lower wattage. I replied to the council explaining it was our porch light and wasn't on very much at all, I haven't received a reply from them yet. Since receiving the letter 2 days ago we have only switched it on once when my sister left the house after visiting so it was maybe on for 30 seconds.
Today we have now had a visit from the police about the light 😯 saying it was shining in their bathroom and they did not have a curtain.

Why would they not have a blind or curtain at their bathroom window, is she running to her bathroom every 5 minutes to check to see if the lights on.

Is this harassment ? Does anybody know if there are any laws regarding lighting on your own property.

I have sent another email to the council informing them of our police visit and suggested they tell her to get a curtain.

They also have a light outside which comes on when it detects motion and that actually shines in our kitchen window. It also has a constant red light as there is a camera attached I think, it isn't bright but can be seen from our window

So what should I do - continue using the light as I do now or not. Should I put a lower wattage bulb in ?

OP posts:
wombat1a · 07/03/2020 23:18

It's probably the smoke, having a smoking neighbour is pretty stressful you can't open your windows. Even if the windows are closed you get the smoke in the house, We had to put a fan in the window to blow our neighbours smoke away at one place. Honestly we feel it's really unreasonable of them to smoke somewhere where they have an effect on others but they are doing it in their garden so we just have to suck it up. It's was part of the reason to move for us in the end.

Cherrysoup · 07/03/2020 23:21

No way would the police visit due to a bright light, that’s crackers. You need to find out what the real problem is. Who has a blind/curtain on the bathroom window? I didn’t think that was standard?

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 07/03/2020 23:27

probably the same area Harry Miller lives in!

Yep!

Scarzo · 07/03/2020 23:38

Your neighbours have behaved unreasonably, for sure. But maybe try and put yourselves in their shoes?

They are elderly, he is housebound and she presumably is caring for him? This could well be a struggle for your neighbour and she might be mentally and physically knackered. A small thing, like a light shining into your house, can seem like a much bigger deal than it actually is, in this situation.

Why not just change the light and apologise for inconveniencing them? Be kind.

Why the need to get your own back by complaining about the seagulls? Is it actually causing you problems? It seems a bit spiteful and unnecessary.

I'm sure your neighbours are not horrible people. Why

Scarzo · 07/03/2020 23:40

Sorry for random sentence at the end Blush

Cocolapew · 07/03/2020 23:42

But what does it matter if it shines in their bathroom? If it was dark when she went in there she'd put light on anyway Confused. It's not as if she's watching telly in her bathroom (I presume).
What a waste of police time.

AutumnRose1 · 07/03/2020 23:43

“ Why the need to get your own back by complaining about the seagulls? Is it actually causing you problems? It seems a bit spiteful and unnecessary.”

Yes, the OP explained that.

Polynerd · 07/03/2020 23:47

Police taking time to visit you about a porch light is ridiculous. I'd be complaining to the PCC about resourcing.

Hopoindown31 · 07/03/2020 23:53

Why not just change the light and apologise for inconveniencing them? Be kind.

Rubs both ways. Letters from the council and visits from the police are not kind. I would be standing my ground under such circumstances.

The police seem to invest too much time in petty civil matters such as this and visiting people for getting in arguments on social media. They need to focus on criminal behaviour.

cabbageking · 08/03/2020 13:47

Surely if we all revert to also being unreasonable we end up exactly in the society we have and deserve. An unreasonable entitled selfish society.
Resorting to illegal tit for tat makes one petty, ignorant and gives a poor example to our children.

underfall · 08/03/2020 13:50

”Should I put a lower wattage bulb in ?”

Yes.

Yogawoogie · 08/03/2020 13:54

Knock on the door with a bunch of flowers, apologise and change the bulb. Be the better person.

Harpingon · 08/03/2020 14:08

Put a lower watt bulb in and buy your husband an umbrella so that he can smoke in the back garden and not next to the old lady's bathroom, problem solved and the police can get back to the more serious stuff.

willowpatterns · 08/03/2020 14:48

You don't suppose she's confused do you? Perhaps she thinks your light is going on and off all the time, but it is actually her own motion-sensor light, which is being set off by your cats. It would only have been happening since you and your cats moved in, hence her thinking it is your porch light, because it didn't happen before.

EL8888 · 08/03/2020 14:57

Personally l would do very little and try not to feed into to their mad unreasonable behaviour. Being brutal but you probably have more going on in your life while they are fixating. I would reply to the council and police then let the whole thing go. Yeah partner smoking outside probably annoys them -l know it would annoy me if l was your neighbour. But tough as you can do that outside your own house

EL8888 · 08/03/2020 14:58

@Hopoindown31 exactly, l wouldn’t be apologising Hmm

TitianaTitsling · 08/03/2020 15:11

Change the bulb, (as long as this still gives enough light) No way to the apologies and bunch of flowers- everyone who's read 'the puddle thread' knows how it goes if you acquiesce in these situations!

rainypuddles · 08/03/2020 15:24

Hi, I'm the puddle lady! I'd change the lightbulb if you do feel it is brighter than they are used to, but don't get stuck in my rut of doing what they say for an easy life...it doesn't work like that!

JenNtonic · 08/03/2020 15:26

No help at all sorry but could someone please link the puddle thread ? Xx

TitianaTitsling · 08/03/2020 15:32

How are things rainy

rainypuddles · 08/03/2020 15:33

Quiet/same. Don't mean to derail your thread - would hate to think someone is getting into the same position.

TitianaTitsling · 08/03/2020 15:53

Op definitely read rainy's thread, her politeness and willingness to try and make neighbours happy with their batshittery was admirable, just their demands just constantly increased!

diamonddandelions · 08/03/2020 15:55

What did your neighbour say to the police? It has got to be more than just you having a light.

underfall · 08/03/2020 16:04

Harpingon

I agree.

Don’t smoke near their windows. Don’t put up a glaring bright light.

MrsWednesdayteatime · 08/03/2020 16:46

You don't suppose she's confused do you? Perhaps she thinks your light is going on and off all the time, but it is actually her own motion-sensor light, which is being set off by your cats. It would only have been happening since you and your cats moved in, hence her thinking it is your porch light, because it didn't happen before.

☝️Was going to say this too. Is it possible she has the two lights mixed up. If she sleeps with the bedroom and bathroom doors open, could it be her own security light waking her up?
Perhaps record in your diary when her light goes off too.