To have a huge fear of becoming a parent

[santoslhalperrr]

Totally starting to panic over the prospect of becoming a mother. I'm 30 weeks pregnant, and honestly have started having this overwhelming dread. Is this common?

Sometimes I wish it wasn't happening, like I'm not going to be me anymore at all.

Is this fear unreasonable or common?

Perfectly normal! I told my OH that I was happy to wait a few more years for a baby while I was in the birthing pool.

Very reasonable and very common.

Another common one that people often don't talk about is that not everyone instantly bonds with their baby. Sometimes it takes time.

Don't beat yourself, take a deep breath and take it a day at a time. Celebrate the small things and don't hesitate to mention this to the midwife if it's causing you issue day to day. There are both pre-natal and post-natal counselling services for various things.

I remember having that in both my pregnancies but i think that’s normal with any big life event particularly something that’s so permanent like having a baby.

Yes, I remember the “Oh, bollocks” stage of pregnancy very well. It passed.

You will still be you, only with baby sick in your hair (and a lifetime of back up from a little Mini-me). This is why babies are cute- so you love them and don’t throw them away while they are very needy.

My first thought when DS was born and passed to me was I don't want it. DH said I looked like I wanted to jump out of the window.

It didn't last but definitely didn't have the Hollywood pure happiness you see so don't worry if you don't feel that either

Yes! Not just with your first either!

Yes, definitely not just with your first.

I have 3 and the night before each birth I sat with my husband having a Chinese (or whatever) with an overwhelming sense of dread about how life will change. It felt like the last supper or a prisoner's last meal.

I remember looking at my husband who seemed so happy and content, and feeling so guilty that I was doing this to his life (all 3 children very much planned by both of us by the way).

Or (when first getting a positive on my pregnancy test) bursting into tears seeing my toddler bouncing happily on the little trampoline in the garden, thinking her happy life was about to be 'ruined'.

Even in the first few weeks after the birth, despite loving the newborn overwhelmingly, breastfeeding and co-sleeping, it did feel like having a stranger in your house. You don't feel like you 'know' them. I felt like that prob til about 6 or 8 weeks and they no longer felt like a stranger - finally like part of the family.

Thanks for the replies - just wish I felt like "me" I already feel like I'm some other person and I really don't like it. And all the ways they tell you to bond with the baby are failing. I tried talking to her like they said, and I end up in a crying fit. Def need to talk to someone as I feel like a total fraud.

Husband doesn't seem overly interested either.

This isn't going how I thought it was going to go 😢