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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it immoral to accept drinks from men?

18 replies

avocuddl · 07/03/2020 00:42

Just got back from a night out with a friend, both of us happily married and with children.

We got chatting to a group of guys and they bought us drinks, is it bad to accept these drinks knowing there would be nothing further than this? They left us whilst we were halfway through the drink having enjoyed each others company and that's all.

I recently went on a hen do, and one of the women there thought it was awful of me to accept a drink from a guy at the bar knowing that I was married etc. Is this wrong?

What do you think? Is a drink a drink and nothing more?

OP posts:
OkMaybeNot · 07/03/2020 00:44

Contrary to popular misogynist belief, a drink from a man you don't know is not a binding contract for a number exchance/sex Smile

Saying that, would you accept it if your husband was out with you?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/03/2020 00:46

Of course it’s not immoral! A drink is a drink, it’s nice to be sociable. Any woman whose favours can be bought for a fiver, or someone who thinks they can, is the immoral one

Original poster
avocuddl · 07/03/2020 00:46

That's the thing! It almost is an unwritten rule isn't it??

And no i probably wouldn't accept if my husband was there!

OP posts:
cockcrowfarm · 07/03/2020 00:46

If they left half way through the drink it doesn't sound like you lead them in or they were expecting anything 'extra' in return. Personally, I don't have a problem accepting drinks, as long as the situation is clear to both parties.

Doggybiccys · 07/03/2020 00:47

It’s not immoral but guys that buy you drinks are 99.9 % trying to chat you up ergo take acceptance as a green light. Their problem not yours - but having been on the receiving end of abuse for “accepting” a drink that was forced upon me then not agreeing to go with the guy, I would categorically not accept a drink from someone I wasn’t interested in.

TheNestedIf · 07/03/2020 00:48

Is your friend saying her price is a glass of wine or, playing hard to get, a G&T?

If I'd accepted a drink, I wouldn't feel I owed anything further than a friendly offer to get in the next round.

cockcrowfarm · 07/03/2020 00:49

That's the thing! It almost is an unwritten rule isn't it??
No, it isn't! You don't owe anything for a drink! I would expect a few minutes of conversation, nothing more!

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2020 00:52

As long as you're willing to buy them a drink back, it's not 'immoral' to accept drinks from anyone, regardless of sex.

TheNestedIf · 07/03/2020 00:52

Oh, alright. A pickled egg and a game of pool, if they insist.

nosleepp · 07/03/2020 00:55

Not unreasonable at all

SisterAgatha · 07/03/2020 00:56

In this instance I’d have accepted the drink. The ones I don’t accept are when you are in a group and are singled out, and he expects that buying you a drink means he has bought your attention all evening. When it’s a group situation it’s a bit different.

Splitsunrise · 07/03/2020 01:05

I wouldn’t expect to “owe” anything if I did accept, but if a man comes up to me in a bar and offers to buy me a drink (and I have a boyfriend), then I’d decline as he’s obviously asking because he’s interested in me and I wouldn’t be interested in him.

I’d be annoyed if, as a man, I’d been buying a woman drinks all evening and at the end it turns out she’s married - because it’s pretty clear what the intentions were. Again, it does NOT mean you owe them anything, but I think it’s pretty off to accept if you are sure you don’t want anything to come of it and they are coming over to chat to you etc.

DropYourSword · 07/03/2020 01:12

I wouldn’t do it personally. I think it’s quite cheeky.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/03/2020 01:23

No it invites attention when I'd rather be chatting peacefully with the company I'm in. If I accepted the drink I'd feel mean when I told them to piss off. It reminds of Pink's song U + UR Hand.

Bufferingkisses · 07/03/2020 01:25

I think it's between you and your OH. If your OH thinks it is wrong then I would be asking if he thought that buying a drink for a woman automatically meant that he could shag her.... if he thinks that is ludicrous I'd be asking why it didn't work the other way round (and possibly adding it to my bank of "hmmm bear that in mind" moments). What some random on a hen do thought would be immaterial.

multivac · 07/03/2020 01:41

Saying that, would you accept it if your husband was out with you?

Would it be offered, do you think?

araiwa · 07/03/2020 03:34

Presumably youd be ok with your dh buying drinks for a random woman in a bar too

lovepickledlimes · 07/03/2020 04:08

No it does not mean you owe them anything but every relationship is different. Personally I would judge it on if a) how would I feel if my fiancé bought a person this drink b) how would my fiancé react to me accepting these drinks.

I would have no problems if out with friends and he bought a female friend a drink if he was doing rounds. Just as I know he won't mind if a male friend happened to buy me a round etc the relationship is already well established and all parties know where the clear line is etc. However if it is a stranger that line blurs. I would not be happy at all if fiancé bought a drink for a woman he did not know at the bar as it then makes me question if there was potential flirting going on.

Some couples are ok with flirting some are not so it really depends ob the relationship you have with husband.

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