Social services - please help

[AnxiousPleaseHelp]

I had a call from social services at 3pm today, they said they had concerns “about” my 9 year old and the complaint came from a family member of my ex.

They wouldn’t tell me what it was and I explained about my anxiety and stress - that this situation would cause me problems over the weekend, that I am being domestically abused by my ex and the police are involved where I’ve been asked to seek legal aid by getting a letter from the GP, but she just joked and told me she’s coming to my address on Wednesday.

Surely I have the right to know the concerns?

Apparently the school knows, my child’s father knows but I don’t know and I’m not allowed to know until Wednesday.

I’m guessing it’s a welfare check; they want to see where I live and what the place is like or whatever?

The thing is we are at court already disputing over a court order that wasn’t typed up properly and the father has expressed three times to the court there is no parenting concerns, I feel this is fathers way of frustrating things further so that his proposal is accepted.

Just so you know I want 50/50 contact split, he’s not able to pick her up from school though sadly and he wants our child to live with him; but he wants to move out of the country with his new partner!

Please can you share any knowledge or experience as I’m not going to be able to sleep for a few days until it’s dealt with :(

I’m sorry if I sound paranoid, I’ve been through a lot and I don’t know how much more I can take :(

And I also realised I’ve posted in the wrong thread?

You can ask moderators to move the thread.

The reason they won't tell you what it is about is so you can't hide evidence. Just make sure the house is clean and tidy, the kids are clean and tidy and you have any paperwork regarding the abuse and court cases. I know it's hard not to worry.

What bathsh3ba said.

Did they actually tell you it was a family member of your ex?

I didn't know they were allowed to do that.

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t take drugs, I don’t have any money. I am redecorating because the neighbours complained about noise (we are above them) and the council had to rip the floorboards up. So the place is a bit like a building site until they are done :(

They said it was a “paternal family member” who is concerned about your child. I asked if they were concerned about my child in my care and they said no, I asked if they were concerned about my child in my ex’s care, they said no.

Try not to panic. When my xh made accusations against me in a court application the first response social worker and two police officers were at my door the same evening. After a chat with DC and my explanation that we were in the middle of very acrimonious residence battle they happily left. We did then have a core assessment but this revealed absolutely no concerns and that was the end of it.

They should never have told you that.

Surely it is to do with the domestic violence and police involvement? So not anything that you have done, nor the state of your home etc.

Are you sure it was a genuine call from SS?

I would be dubious about whether the call was genuine as Social Services wouldn't be allowed to give you information about who made the report and I also don't think they would 'joke' with you.

If your ex is abusive this could be a further tactic to cause you distress.
If the call is genuine then the best advice would be to be receptive and cooperative with SS,although I understand it’s difficult to remain calm and not become overly defensive.

They are well used to malicious calls op.
My exh told Cafcass I was on the game!!

I think some people are very naive. I had a referral to social services and they wouldn’t tell me who called. I requested a copy of the referral which you entitled to and it said there in black and white who reported me. So yes maybe they are not “suppose” to but it does happen and it was definitely genuine SS in my case. They won’t tell you as they don’t want you to Be prepared.

I can’t understand who has clicked YABU on this?!

I guess people could be saying “YABU in expecting SS to tell you” which is because they like to spring it
On you and not give you a chance to think of a cover story or hide evidence. Op may be entirely innocent but SS have a job to investigate reports.

It does seem a bit strange that they told you it was paternal family making the accusation. If you’re unsure it’s really them you could ring through to your local social services department and check.

If it is them then try not to worry too much. As others said they deal with malicious calls all the time. Also if they were really concerned they wouldn’t be waiting till Wednesday to see you they would be there now or at the very least on Monday.

Its also because they could be sensitive allegations that are better to talk about in person. Also seeing someones reaction can say alot too.

Stop giving this headspace.

Seriously, SS are more than used to malicious reports.

Invite them.in, make them a brew and listen to what they have to say. They aren't the enemy, they just have to treat each report the same even when they know it's a waste of time.

SS can divulge who made a referral if the referrer hasnt specified anonymity. They won't give a name usually as it opens the door for tit for tat - though when they come and talk to you it may become obvious (eg if it's something only one person would know)
If it's a professional who refers then they can't be anonymous and the info would be shared.

The fact that they haven't come out same day means they don't have an immediate concern for welfare which is good (ie noone has reported that your child is in danger). SS are very used to malicious calls, the breeziness on the phone was likely intended to try and keep things relaxed, if it was really serious they tell you straight.

I got a note through the door from ss about dd. They had already spoken to the school by that point. I got ss on the phone and was told it was to check dd wasn't in danger as they were led to believe her dads brother was living at my address. I wondered why they didn't tell me first or her dad. We don't have anything to do with him. It was later followed up with letters arriving from him from his own social worker.

They have to follow things up but it can be done in a really absurd way.

I'm so sorry. My ex husband did this to me and it was the single most traumatic thing I have ever been through. He called SS about 3X in the end. They came and did a quick check, were there 20 mins, apologised as they knew it was malicious and went. However, the fears I had the week before left me with lasting issues to be honest, almost a but of PTSD. I developed permenant shakes and felt he unsettled me to my core.

Luckily, for reasons I won't put here, him and his family were not allowed contact. I moved away with my child.

I'm so glad that time is behind me

I had SS set on me maliciously. Tidied up the house as best I could, made sure there was fruit on view and healthy food in the fridge, sorted my paperwork, mentally prepared answers to possible questions, and arranged for a witness of good standing to be present when they came. Case closed.