Lies by dh

[Idiotmc]

I dont know where to start but here goes
My dh married for 17years told me when we met that he was married before and had 2 kids and was divorced.
I really didn't mind but yesterday during a discussion he admitted after knowing me for 20 years that he was never married to the other woman and only one of the children is his she would now be 23.
We have 3 DC of our own and they would be devastated by either off these stories but I am really struggling to believe which one is actually the truth.
Back story he is stay at home dad so has no money joint account but If I'm leave him he will have nothing.I do love him but really angry.
We had a big argument over something and I said are we even properly married because I never saw your divorce papers that's when he said there was no other marriage or divorce he made it up when we met as he was ashamed off having a child out off marriage. He tells loads of lies.

Everything he does in house I have to hear about him sweeping or cleaning and says we don't appreciate it as we mess it up again.

I lost the head and said I leave the house at 7.45 drop kids to school on way to work and not home to 5.30 and have to do the same the next dayand nobody thanks me for it so why does he expect me and DC to thank him for cleaning when he is at home every day.
He sits on his computer most of the day buying on Ebay from money for Bill's
I'm really struggling financially
He has a small printing business only makes profit of 150pounds a month which covers his petrol.
He cant understand why I'm angry but I think he has broken all trust.
I really dont know why I'm posting but want advice on lies.

NeverDropYourMoonCup if he’d killed them, I imagine there would have been more of a fuss around their disappearance over the past 20 years.
More likely she left him and he didn’t even bother trying to contact his children. Just moved on and made himself a new family.

Agree with @dontdisturbmenow

Why does it matter so much? About him saying he was married when they were cohabiting?

Also he has been living the life of many women in terms of not working outside the home and puting all his efforts inside it.

Are there other issues?
Other lies?

And can you explain the bit about your children being devestated if they found out about his past / other child / children? Why has it been kept a secret from them?

I'd be questioning if he's divorced, seeing as this new version of events came out when you questioned never seeing a divorce certificate. If she ran off when he caught her with another man, and never heard from her again from that moment onwards, how did they get divorced?

So he could be a bigamist. Have you seen his divorce papers? Or a fantasist. If his Mother had a picture but with no way to communicate whose to say the picture was of his children/child.

Why has the lie come unravelled after all these years. What has triggered it, that's what I would want to know.

he was married before and had 2 kids and was divorced.I really didn't mind

Can anyone else not get their heads round this? If my husband had kids, I’d be doing everything to make sure he remained in contact if there was any chance they could reconcile, and if he didn’t wish to, through his choice, I’d be gone.

I just can’t get my head round a woman seeing a man no contact with his kids through his choice and saying “ not bovvered”

Exactly Bluntness100. I can’t imagine anyone just accepting ‘oh she’s taken my kids and have no idea where she’s gone. No worries, we can just make some more can’t we?’

@Bluntness100 @HoffiCoffi13 there are women all around the world who do this. Why is it hard to believe?

I didn’t say I didn’t believe it. I said I couldn’t get my head round it. Which means I can’t understand it. It does not mean I don’t believe it. Colloquial term.

The disjoint between OP's horror at minor details and her being OK with the whole picture is weird. Be bothered about both or neither you would expect. There must be a drip feed coming.

@ambereeree plenty of women that do what? Do you mean take the kids and move away or women who accept that this is what’s happenned?

@Ozziewozzie plenty of women who accept that it happened.

This is a really weird thread. As a previous poster stated what does it say on your marriage certificate? Did he lie and say that he was divorced? If he did lie does this make your marriage null and void? There is obviously lots going on here but in your situation I would run for the hills! (Also why on earth do your children not know of the existence of any half siblings?)

You sound more upset at being married to a liar than being married to a man that could walk away from two children.

Both are unacceptable.

I wouldn’t have started a relationship with the latter, nor would I stay with the former.

@ambereeeree I agree. To me though it would be a huge indicator that the guy didn’t give a damn. It’s really not that hard to apply to the courts and find out where children are. Too many use the excuse ‘she took my kids and I have no idea where they live now’ (just an easy way out of parenting. Weird though as a lot of this’d men go on to start new families.

What a massive load of bollocks all round.

When DH and I applied for a marriage license I had to disclose my previous marriage and supply evidence of divorce.

Did you not think it odd he didn’t do the same?

I don’t think that the OP is coming back.