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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FIL letting down DD

11 replies

Heyduggeefordays · 06/03/2020 16:20

Backstory -

FIL has come over at least once a week since DD was born to spend a bit of time with her. This is facilitated by me as DP is more often than not at work. Lately he’s started telling DD he’ll be over on X day then not turning up or cancelling last minute leaving DD upset. Although he always makes sure to see her it tends never to be on the day he’s told her.

It happened again yesterday and despite my best efforts at distraction DD still asked for him several times and was distraught at bedtime when she realised she wouldn’t see him.

DP fully agrees that it is not fair on our DD or me because I have to feel with the fall out from it. But due to his complicated relationship with his father won’t say anything to him.

WIBU to send FIL a message just saying that i appreciate how much effort he puts in with DD and I know he would never set out to intentionally upset her but could he please stop specifying a day when he’s going to see her because as much as I understand how busy life can get and things crop up ultimately she doesn’t and it’s leaving her upset when she doesn’t see him as planned?

OP posts:
ssd · 06/03/2020 16:22

Absolutely. He might not realise how much this upsets dd and you telling him is the right thing to do.

AryaStarkWolf · 06/03/2020 16:23

Does he contact her directly telling her the day? How old is she?

And no I don't that's an unreasonable request from you

ssd · 06/03/2020 16:23

Although maybe dhs relationship with his dad is the result of his dad's behaviour, like this in the past?

NoSauce · 06/03/2020 16:36

How old is DD?

msmith501 · 06/03/2020 16:39

I'd do it the other way "DD was really looking forward to seeing you yesterday... took me ages to calm her down when you couldn't make it - at that age, children put a lot of store in people saying that they will be there - and you know how much she loves seeing you"

YeahWhatevver · 06/03/2020 16:45

I would think he's just not really aware.

Definitely tell gim

YeahWhatevver · 06/03/2020 16:45

*him

MuddlingMackem · 06/03/2020 16:53

I agree with @msmith501's approach. Not a telling off but making sure he understands the consequences.

JRUIN · 06/03/2020 16:54

Whoops I clicked on YABU by mistake. Sorry, obviously you're not. I guess FIL is a bit thoughtless and/or just doesn't realise how much your DD loves him, so of course this should be communicated to him.

TheOrigBrave · 06/03/2020 16:59

It depends on how old your child is.

LettertoHermoine · 06/03/2020 17:00

Yes, how old is she?

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