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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my OH 'boss' to come and stay!

19 replies

73Sunglasslover · 05/03/2020 19:42

My OH works for himself and at home. He works for a number of firms, all based abroad.

One of his 'bosses' (who he has never socialised with but had many friendly email exchange with) is coming to the UK. He wants to come and 'see us' (which means stay here at least one night I think).The 'boss' will come with his wife and I think kids who are a few years younger than ours. English is their second language. I don't speak their first language, OH does. OH says their English is good. OH asked me what I thought. I said it was my idea of hell. I'm not good with strangers and theses are not future friends as we'll likely never see them again.

I said how about if they come and then I pretend to have some work thing I 'can't get out of' but really just stay with a friend for the night. He thinks I'm being closed minded. AIBU? This is not about hosting BTW. He will get the house ready and cook for them so he's not saying that just as a way to get me to do the work for him.

OP posts:

Curiosity101 · 05/03/2020 19:46

I said it was my idea of hell

How are you imagining the evening / overnight visit will go? Can you pin point what it is that you're against / worried about?

Original poster

73Sunglasslover · 05/03/2020 19:48

Hi Curiosity. I'm rubbish at small talk and I don't enjoy it at all. I imagine that he will talk to his boss and I will be left talking to the wife, who's English may not be as good as OH thinks (based on prior experiences).

OP posts:

tryingtoloseweightnow · 05/03/2020 19:51

I think I'd allow them to stay to be supportive of my DH. Could you plan some sort of activity to keep small talk to a minimum?
How old are all the kids? I find kids provide a good distraction.

Original poster

73Sunglasslover · 05/03/2020 19:53

Ours are young secondary school, theirs older primary school. Their kids do not speak English. Ours do not speak their language. I can't think of any activity which would work. Any ideas? I am happy for them to come but don't think my being there will add anything for anyone! Staying at a friends is no big deal for me so OH wont' worry about that causing any issues or tension from my point of view.

OP posts:

Curiosity101 · 05/03/2020 19:54

YANBU - but it does seem a bit extreme to move out for the evening.

Is there any way you could plan the evening so that the above fear doesn't occur?

How about planning to play some board games?

Or ask your husband to let them know that your house isn't set-up for visitors but you'd both like to meet them for a meal (or even just your DH?).

Curiosity101 · 05/03/2020 19:55

I can't think of any activity which would work

Pictionary, Charades... (trying to think of other games that don't require words). Obviously the guesses will be in different languages, but your DH could facilitate.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 05/03/2020 20:17

YANBU it's your home and you are entitled to feel comfortable there. I too hate people staying over and won't do it anymore. I don't care who they are.
Suggest that you will find them suitable accommodation and will be the supportive partner for the evening but that's where it ends.
Nothing worse than making small talk the morning after the night before when all you want is for them to go.

Ruby8719 · 05/03/2020 20:19

YANBU - I would hate this too, can’t they stay in a hotel?

Howyiz · 05/03/2020 20:20

Just tell him it doesn't suit but there are some lovely hotels near by.
It would be bad enough if he was coming by himself but bringing his wife and kids as well! Eh... It would be a hell no from me.
Plus what would you do if they decided to stay for a week!

HildaSnibbs · 05/03/2020 20:23

I think it's perfectly fine to say you don't have room for guests to stay but you'd like to meet them while they're here and suggest places to stay, suggest meeting up for lunch or a day out somewhere local. I'd find it very odd to have random colleagues to stay at our house and wouldn't do it.

Pinkerpellosa · 05/03/2020 20:26

He/His wife might be thinking the same thing!
You might all be politely agreeing to keep everyone else happy with nobody actually wanting to do it!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/03/2020 20:26

I can see why you might feel very uncomfortable having four strangers to stay... We don't have the space for one thing and it would involve endless preparations on my part to make them comfortable enough. I've done this for long distance OH cousins, but that was OK because although I didn't know them, this was family.
Are you sure as well that it is just for one night or having agreed would you find its for two or three nearer the time. Id be quite wary about that.
His boss said he'd like to meet up, that is a different thing
I think if you found a suitable hotel near you that would have and show OH how much better it would be to take them out instead, that it would be a lot more manageable for all concerned.
Just say that you don't have the room but have a solution at hand.

FlaskMaster · 05/03/2020 20:27

Sounds like hell to me too. I'm an introvert. Talking to people and hosting is emotionally exhausting. Home is where you can lounge about in your mankiest pants, not talking to anyone, just being yourself. I'd totally go to a cheap hotel for the night if they have to come.

TheyDoDoThat · 05/03/2020 20:28

This is sad when did people become so anti social and lazy. Visitors from abroad used to be exciting, meet new people, friends.

Reginabambina · 05/03/2020 20:30

Are you in a popular tourist location or something? It’s really weird to ask a work contact to come and stay with them with your entire family.

Original poster

73Sunglasslover · 05/03/2020 20:33

We're in a moderately popular place. Don't want to say where but it might be on a list of places to visit in the UK - though not if it were a top 10 list IFSWIM! Theydothat - I wonder whether this has always been something which is exciting for some and aversive for others? I don't know if it used to be different in the past?

OP posts:

Marmighty · 05/03/2020 20:41

Are you sure they mean to stay with you? It seems very odd to invite themselves to your home with the whole family. Are they in the UK on business or for a holiday?

You could just arrange to meet for a meal and an activity the kids might enjoy like bowling or visiting a local attraction, or they could stay in a hotel but come round to you for a meal.

SallySun123 · 05/03/2020 20:55

I totally empathise with you but for the sake of your DH you should give it a try at least. If the evening is going badly then just head off to bed with a migraine. Don’t bale out before you’ve even met them.

FlaskMaster · 05/03/2020 21:24

when did people become so anti social and lazy it started when we were allowed to stop wearing corsets and start wearing trousers. Imagine society tolerating people prioritising their own comfort!
Visitors from abroad are exciting and great, when they're staying somewhere else and you can retreat to the comfort and solitude of your own home.

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