to think that some attempts at being helpful are actually the opposite?

[newyearnoeu]

I know IABU, really, and ungrateful. But, honestly, aren't there just some instances when someone has tried to do a good deed but has actually inconvenienced you?

For example, a neighbour I don't know took in a parcel for me about four days ago. Despite knocking every day since they still haven't answered. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and assume they do night shifts or something - but if they hadn't taken it I could have had it redirected or picked it up from the depot the day after and wouldn't still be waiting for it!

Recently in a very badly designed car park - the people at the front of the queue to get out were magnanimously letting in one car each from those queuing from the side aisles - but as the lights changed every three cars or so this meant those of us at the back of the queue weren't moving at all, and were stuck there for ages.

Also thinking of all those threads where people donate things (often baby stuff) to new parents who have never asked for it and don't accept no for an answer, meaning it's just one extra thing to sort out.

I'm probably guilty of similar examples myself tbh but AIBU (and/or a bitch?!)

No YANBU. My DS has a weird habit of standing up, throwing his teddy out the cot after hes cuddled it for 5 mins before laying back down and falling asleep. Once while he was standing up, SIL walked in and shouted to me 'oh your DS isnt sleeping, ill take him and put him to sleep'..he ended up being wide awake for hours because he doesnt sleep in anyones arms. Eventually i had to put him down again

Was she not asked to take the parcel though? I suppose it would be helpful if she'd thought through her availability but tbh if I answer the door and am asked to take a parcel for a neighbour I assume it was what they wanted, and just sign for it.

Oh and she took him to the living room with all the lights and tv on and was rocking him to sleep, even though she only did this for 10 mins, he became stimulated with all the noise and lights and wouldnt go back to sleep.

There is a great German word for this: "verschlimmbessern". It means to make something worse by trying to make it better.

On the parcel one specifically, I think you are probably BU. But generally I agree, I actually can’t stand people trying to help me unless I’ve actually asked for help. I’m probably unreasonable too though.

My mother is the queen of this. She will offer to pick the kids up from nursery, but to do this I need to set the pram up for her and put out hats, gloves for them and then when I get back I have to collapse them pram, sort all the coats etc out and then remember to return coats to nursery.
I could just pick them up in the car on my way past. I know she likes picking them up but she sells it as being helpful but it winds me up no end.

Apologies for the appalling grammar!

@navteexo that’s so frustrating! Similar thing happened with DD and DM this week and DD ended up being awake until 1am. I told DM she was unhelpful and now feel really guilty about it

People who open doors by putting their arm across the entrance/opening of the doorway. So you have to duck to go through the door 9/10 it would just be easier to open the door myself

Being given things I haven't asked for and don't want. I sound like a dick and I suppose I am but I'd rather said person didn't!!

Smarshian
Completely agree!!
The times when offers of well meaning help actually cause you more trouble and effort than if they hadn’t bothered, but you feel obligated to accept the help for fear of causing offence, then you have to thank them through your tears...